Citation: Psyonic-One. "Complete Connection on the First Attempt: An Experience with 5 MeO-DMT (exp36291)". Erowid.org. Sep 28, 2004. erowid.org/exp/36291
||(powder / crystals)
I had read that 10-20mg was a 'fully psychoactive' dose and was please to discover that it was possible to obtain 500mg by mail for $175. So I placed my order. About a week or two later, a small package arrived from the Southern US with my name on it. I opened the package to find a small wax paper envelope sealed in a mylar bag. Therein lay the object of my desire. I should preface the following with the fact that I have had a multitude of experience with psychoactive compounds from LSA to Datura, nutmeg to MDMA, LSD, etc...And while all of these allys had their potential, there was always something missing from the experience. In retrospect, perhaps it was that I did not respect them as they apparently deserved. None of them had ever taken me beyond the known world to a point where I could not rationalize my experience, and for this I think I denied them their dues.
Feeling a great amount of anticipation, I eyed the little yellowish crystals in the wax paper, almost with a sense of awe. Something about their very presence seemed powerful, as if they were trying to tell me something. I decided that there was no time like the present, and having read that nothing can really prepare you for what happens, I asked my girlfriend if she would make sure I was safe. She agreed to watch over me while I tried this new substance.
I smoked a cigarette (I no longer smoke) and filled a pipe with ashes to buffer the melting crystals and stop or at least slow their retreat from the flame and vaporization. In retrospect, I would not smoke beforehand as I am not sure what effect this may have had on my experience. Looking at the pile of 5-MEO-DMT, I noticed that there was a particularly large crystal, about the size of a blue-tipped match head, in with all the smaller crystals. I also read somewhere that the effective dose was about this size, so, lacking a scale, I went with that crude measurement. I gathered the crystal from the pile and placed it in the center of the bowl of ashes.
Looking at my girlfriend, who was also smiling and excited, I felt completely safe. The environment was warm and I was in our bedroom. I felt that the setting was optimum and that my set was positive and clear of subjective expectations. I took a deep breath, lit the lighter, and exhaled as completely as possible. Holding the flame to the crystal, I inhaled slowly, touching the flame to the yellowish chip until it sizzled and melted. I inhaled deeply and was pretty sure that I got all of it.
00:00- I turn to set down the pipe, still holding my breath. I looked back at my girlfriend and notice that her face was already starting to shimmer and become disorganized from itself. I exhaled.
00:05- I felt a rushing sensation as though something was being forced into my body, or spirit, from somwhere unseen. I laid back on the bed and took another deep breath, almost as if to try and realign my senses. This was, of course, to no avail. By the time I was able to think about how I felt again, I was so high that it was a shock. It was all happening so fast that my brain could not wrap itself around one second's worth of experience before the next second came and was twice as intense as the previous one.
00:10- Eyes wide open, the 'real' world was not at all within the reach of my senses. It had been almost instantly replaced by an undescribable (though I will try) world of rings within rings, spinning and rotating, seemingly constructed from multi-colored static and deep as the ocean is wide. It occured to me at this moment, 'You have forgotten to breathe' so I took in a shuddering breath, still awed by the almost complete absence of anything familiar. I though for a second that I might have overdone it. 'Ok, you're going to die, you're gonna forget to breath and suffocate.' with that I took another breath, this seemed to aleviate my paranoia somewhat, and as unbelievable as this is to me now, I think I decided that even if I was dying, it didn't seem like a terrible thing. I accepted mortality and relaxed.
00:15-30?- The rings faded into what I can only describe as an awareness of something else. This something else was big, I mean huge, perhaps infinite. It was warm and I felt as though it reached out and connected with everything. I became aware that this something else more than connected with everything, rather, it was everything...I was everything. 'I', what is that? 'I' became 'It' and IT was everything.
00:30-1:00- Bliss...'I' am floating in a sea of warm energy. Little ripples would pass through 'me' and 'I' would sense their rippling going on forever, into what I had now realized, was infinity. I can sense other beings in this web of something else. They are happily floating here too and perhaps unaware of their connection at all. It does not matter, it really is all good.
1:00-2:00- 'How could I have forgotten about this', was the sensation the I felt, as if I was remembering. I had contacted a feeling that while totally new to my current version of my self, was somehow familiar on a deeper level, almost as though it were a Deja Vu. 'Of course'..it was almost a silly feeling, as though I was so stupid for having forgotten that all of this was one thing, that even in the word Universe lies the direct implication of singularity. 'All is one' These thoughts were not formed as common thoughts like 'I want a cup of coffee' or 'I'm going to take a shower'. They just were. Almost like a smell that takes you back to your Grandmother's house when you were just a little kid. They just were.
2:00-3:00- Ok, I'm coming back. I can't see the room and I just want to stay in that place. When I relax and close my eyes (which I was later told were open for the above two minutes) I can easily drift back to that connected feeling. I decide to linger there for a little longer.
5:00- I am elated. So excited that I have finally 'broken though'. I start to try and explain and find that I really still cannot talk. I can see my girlfriend, she is smiling, anticipating what I have to tell her. I must have looked so high for the last few minutes. I exhale a deep breath and it sounds like I am on N2O, a spring reverb echoes around the sound of my exhalation. I realize that the room is filled with quick-moving hallucinations and it dawns on me that this, the 'after effect' is ten times harder than a 2-3,000mcg LSD trip. I take another breath and try again to focus on baseline reality, whatever the hell that is.
10:00- I am still very high, nowhere near where I was ten minutes ago. I am amazed and begin to explain to my girlfriend what happened while I was 'inside' of that feeling. She relates to me what happened while she watched from the 'outside'.
30:00- almost normal...still some fuzzy LSD like touches here and there, a brightness to things. Feeling a little nausea.
45:00- The slightest hint of high hangs on. Just enough to feel like I am in the first 25-30 minutes of an LSD trip, light buzz, nausea has completely faded.
60:00- Sober, but changed. I feel like I have held the truth in my hand and then sat with it for a while. It was inviting, not at all like I assumed. Truth is comforting, albeit, perhaps, subjective.
Honestly, there was nothing notable. Looking back though, I feel like I was held back by the lack of breath thing at the beginning. If I could go into this with the knowledge of that problem, I feel as though it would not be an issue. (Subsequent experiments proved this to be correct) Otherwise, the after effects were all on my consciousness. I have long been a believer that everything relies on everything else for balance and survival, this experience put me directly in contact with that reality. I will never forget the lesson that I have learned. Whether 5-MEO-DMT is responsible for it or not, I decided to start taking better care of myself at that point. Quit smoking, exercise, break free of unhealthy relationships, etc.
I believe that in the proper setting, with advanced education about the experience and with the support of competent guides, this substance could profoundly impact the course of humanity. It has given me a respect for all things and their place in the world that was there previously but not at all reinforced by experience in my life before this experiment.
CAUTION! I would not recommend this for 'solo-trips' I have since guided people with this substance and have seem some weird responses to the fast onset (like getting up and trying to walk away!!! This is not good when you are not in touch with every day reality and under the influence of a major psychoactive chemical!!!)
Oh yeah, after all this I was shocked at how many of these experiences I potentially could have (500mg divided by 20mg = 25 mind blowing trips at about $7 each.) so I gave some to responsible friends and dosed a few other people figuring that sharing this experience was more valuable than hoarding it.
Go with care and respect for yourself, your ally, and the universe.
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