Citation: Sleazy. "Love at First Syringe: An Experience with Heroin (exp36091)". Erowid.org. Apr 21, 2006. erowid.org/exp/36091
Well, I was the kid that wanted to do everything. I have tried almost every drug some other experimental research chems. Anyway, that's not the point. We all know the story...I always was in love with the Junkie image. Sex, Drugs and Rock N' Roll, right?
Well, all through High School I fucked around with drugs, sex and Rock N' Roll. I had a steady girl into college and had lots of music equipment. I shot cocaine for a bit when I was 17 and thus started my downfall. I dropped out of a big ten school where I had scholarships and was in an honors college. I hung on to some classes at a crappy community college and passed them while working full time. I met an old black junkie who looked like Danny Glover (he now has Hep C and possibly AIDS and is about to die). We proceeded to cop (and of course I paid way too much at first). We went to a beautiful locale called 'Little Saigon' and coped from crazy dealers.
I went back to school for a bit and kept shooting. It all fell apart when I started committing crimes to get $$$ and became homeless and dropped 50 pounds. I was charged with two felonies and some misdemeanors and went to treatment for 6 months. I then got my life back together (A place to live, a job, car, girlfriend, electronic toys, etc.).
I met some okay connections and thought that I could handle getting back on smack. WRONG!!! I can't tell you how many more horribly dangerous positions I got myself into and the number of times I thought I was going to die copping in Detroit.
It's like Dawn of the Living Dead out there. It's like the wildest movie I've ever seen come to life. It's horrible. I thought that shit like that didn't really exist. Guards with ski masks and AKs for big timers behind steel doors with kilos and all that jazz. People ODing and getting put in dumpsters, needle sharing, sex parties (not the cool type. More like the gross hookers or even hot hookers doing it for crack and blow (Blow/raw=heroin out here). It's so horid and wrong.) Shoot-outs, raids. You get the picture. Hookers, Junkies, Crackheads, Dealers, Undercovers, Sketchy Homeless opportunists. Only by the grace of God did I survive!
Well anyway, I ended up getting another two felonies charges that got dropped to a misdemeanor after I did some time in Wayne County jail in downtown Detroit. I didn't get fucked with, but every other white boy I saw go in came out on a stretcher(for real). I have never been to any other jail like it. It sucked and you gotta lay low and get ready to fight if someone tries to gank your food or hastle you. The thug wannabe white boys got beat quick. It didn't really scare me, it just made me realize that three different jails in less than two years was insane.
That still didn't stop me. I was released and my Mom took me in and helped me move my stuff from my room at a college campus house back to her house. She had previously had a PPO out against me, for good reason. (No one can trust a stealing junkie) She said she would give me another chance (about the millionth one) and helped me out. I paid her back by doing more drugs and eventually overdosing on heroin (yet again).
Here's the fun part: She found me blue and bleeding from my nose and mouth and could not wake me. She called an ambulance and they gave me narcan and I stayed awake for about 5 minutes and went back under. To make a long story short, I was in a coma for 5 days, had a heart attack and my lung collapsed (from inhaling blood and vomit. I almosted died ten different times. All of this at 19. And you know what? I wanted to get high again and did!!!
I finally got into a hardcore rehab and just got out a bit ago and am living in a town filled with recovery. I go to a ton of meetings and help out as many people as I can (I am writing this on my Sponsor's computer). It's the only way I know how to stay sober. I have a ton of new successful recovering people in my life, I have a job and am going to school. I currently have 6 months sober and it gets easier everyday.
But, the sad truth remains that it's a constant fight to not get back on the road to relapse and most everybody does not stay sober. If I had it to do over, I would never have done heroin. But, maybe I needed to go through all the shit. Anybody who is determined to try heroin will think they are different and they won't get a habit and that I was just stupid, etc., etc..
No other drug (except maybe cocaine to a certain extent) has changed me so quickly. I don't really know how to put it in words. When the heroin hits me, it's like everything becomes wonderful, but this is all a lie. It just makes everything except heroin become meaningless.
It's like going from a 3D movie (Life before heroin) to a flip book of a stick figure walking across a page (life without heroin). I can't explain how horrible and hollow it make a person. Anyway, I cannot illustrate it in any way, so I give up. I will pray as I always do for all the people addicted to heroin, who are recovering from heroin addiction.
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