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Held in the Arms of God, Too Early
Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora)
by shruming human
Citation:   shruming human. "Held in the Arms of God, Too Early: An Experience with Huasca Combo (Syrian Rue & M. tenuiflora) (exp35882)". Erowid.org. Aug 13, 2004. erowid.org/exp/35882

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DOSE:
T+ 0:00
3.0 g oral Syrian Rue (tea)
  T+ 0:45 6.0 g oral Mimosa tenuiflora (tea)

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


Background: I was in a good mindset for experiencing a deeper awareness. Very excited about the plan to introduce ourselves to Ayahuasca. I have had some stresses recently, however, including strained relations with my family. I have had nearly 100 psychedelic experiences, including San Pedro, Salvia, and two or three dozen fairly high dosage LSD and shrooms trips.

Setting: our friend's house, comfortable with a beanbag and a couch, darkened room, predominantly Indian and Middle Eastern music playing, beautiful art on all the walls.

Participants: my friend and me.(both around 140 pounds). My wife went back and forth between being with us and our baby in the other room.

Preparation: We both were on appropriate diets for 48 hours before the experience, and continued for 48 hours after. The night of the event, we added the juice of 5 lemons to about a liter of water, divided it in two and boiled it in separate pots. In one pot, we added 6 grams of well-ground Syrian rue, and in the other, 12 grams of shredded and ground Mimosa Hostilis, both purchased on-line. We boiled each for 30-40 minutes, reducing the amount of liquid to consume by about 75 percent. We divided each liquid in half carefully. At 10:15 PM (t-45 minutes) we drank the Syrian Rue. We both had started to feel very slight effects by 11:00 (when we drank the Mimosa Hostilis brew quickly. Neither tasted too horrible (although, after having gnawed a 12-inch San Pedro to the core, my perspective may have been stretched). W smoked a few hits each of some pineapple mj mixed with hashish immediately after drinking the later brew.

Within 10 or 15 minutes, we both felt nauseous (despite the pot). By t+30, we both agreed that we felt quite affected, and that it seemed to be increasing exponentially as time passed. My friend threw up at about t+40 minutes, but I never vomited. This, we all agreed, is the reason why my trip was so much more powerful than his.

He later told me that he felt wonderful after throwing up, and peaked soon after, slowly coming back to sobriety. But my trip continued to increase exponentially, so that it reminded me of the power of a 4 gram shroom trip (cubensis), and then, within a short while, had increased dramatically in power. This included everything from incredible moving patterns, both open- and closed- eye, that never repeated, as well as an inability to stand up, or even move much. I began to see patterns in my life, patterns in my thoughts, and felt that I was closer than ever before to understanding these patterns, and their ultimate significance. I felt something like a mescaline trip, in the smoothness of the experience, but it was also quite different than mescaline (far more overarching in its effects, for one thing). I lost control of my body almost entirely, I could only lay there, and could not open my eyes for more than a second or two until I felt a powerful urge to close them again - like the information that I was taking in was irrelevant. I lost my ability to speak normally , and began to use only nouns. I was talking almost continuously (for 3- 4 hours, I later found out), and the same themes kept returning. 'Jesus Christ -Jimi Hendrix- The same? You decide. God... Sage(my dog's name)...Randy (my son's name)... water...God... mint... water.... Jimi Hendrix...time..' By 'water', I was expressing my thirst, although each time someone offered me water, I had difficulty moving to drink it, and was largely unsuccessful. By “mint”, I was referring to the mint leaves that my wife had brought me to smell, for the nausea., which I had put in my hand, and then lost control, such that my fingers were clutched around the leaves for hours, as I kept smelling them.

I said that I had regressed to infancy again, that I was the man at the drumming circle we often see, who falls again and again, stumbling numbly, hurting himself, with a crazed look in his eye. I thought that I had become paralyzed in the left half of my body, and that it was affecting my brain functions, including my language. I thought that the police, or George Bush, or some violent fighters from Iraq, were outside my window, listening to what I was saying. I though that I might die. I was fairly certain that I would never return from the trip as well (I have had quite a long time since I fell for such a simple deception/mindtrick - I had been thinking that I had overcome that type of thing after a bad LSD trip 15 years ago…).

I probably reached my peak around 1 AM (t+2 hours. From this point until 4 AM, I existed as multiple consciousnesses simultaneously. I don’t know how to describe it, but as a ++++. I was saying my nouns, and each time, and each meant some entire idea, rather than just a thing or person. I could see the counter-argument against this idea, though, and the argument back against that, and the counter-argument’s counter-argument, all before actually saying it. So everything was unnecessary, but I kept talking anyway. I could see so many viewpoints surrounding each issue that I dealt with that it became overwhelming. I felt as if God revealed something beyond my ability to grasp, or maybe held me in his arms, and that it was too much for me - I wasn't ready, or maybe I was holding back, or maybe it was just beyond that limits of human comprehension. Whatever the reason, I felt as if I was flowing through the channels of some greater being, and that it was an amazing experience, but that it was past my limits, and I felt as if I could barely hold on, waiting for it to end. I kept having images come through my mind representing the folly of holding any opinion at all- since I could argue against anything. I felt tortured by this philosophy, and by my overwhelming experience.

By 4 AM, I had come down to a +++. I was very shaken by the entire experience, but I could still appreciate the lovely feeling of being close to the divine. I slowly came down to about a ++ by 7AM, when I fell asleep. I woke up at 10:30, and was tired the next day, including having a headache for part of it.

I learned a lot from this experience, including being reminded of my deep love and gratitude for my family, as well as my responsibility to them. It was one of my best experiences ever, but it was also one of my worst experiences ever. I am writing this 2 days later, and have only begun to understand what happened, and to integrate it into my life. I won’t do Ayahuasca again soon, and maybe not ever again, although after a good amount of time, I think I may start to wonder how to get somewhere between where my friend went and where I went.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 35882
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 13, 2004Views: 48,097
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Syrian Rue (45), Huasca Brew (268), Mimosa tenuiflora (74) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), Difficult Experiences (5), Preparation / Recipes (30), First Times (2), General (1)

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