Journey to the Center of the Onion
Citation:   Harbonic_Older. "Journey to the Center of the Onion: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp34918)". Nov 1, 2004.

T+ 0:00
10 mg insufflated 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:20 10 mg insufflated 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
  T+ 0:45 10 mg smoked 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
At age 28, I have had my bouts of depression, rebellion, and a long and largely unfruitful transit through the psychology/psychiatry branch of medicine. I eventually gave up on taking meds because of the lies of the doctors, the corruption of the industry, and the side-effects. Since replacing the disease model of mental health with another as-yet-undocumented, I have had to live with conditions of the psyche for which one normally suffers incarceration in a mental ward. however, turning to the books of religion and history, I find myself in there. I do not take any kind of psychiatric medicine whatsoever, no matter what.

I decided to take 5-meo-DMT because I felt I had reached a large, isolated, boring plateau in my life. I felt traumatized and elated at the same time, both concerned for the future of humanity and willing to see it all end tomorrow. Maybe I wanted a peak experience to mitigate the loneliness. I bought 200 mg of “The Void” from an on-line supplier.

I made virtually no preparations. I did not fast or take supplements. I simply waited for everyone to leave the house, then put on a chakra meditation CD. I insufflated approx. 10 mg and experienced no results recognizable from the prior experience posts. I felt rather relaxed, although a little anxious about what would transpire. I felt a little drifty.

At about T+0:20, I insufflated approximately another 10 mg. After another ten minutes I felt a clearly trippy sensation, a little loss of the left/right duality. At this point a very gentle centering began. It felt like journeying to the center of the onion. I felt like myself for the first time in I-don’t-know-when. The kitchen, the hallway, the smell of the air all reminded me of my grandmother’s house during my childhood. The precise definition of the difference initiated by the 5-meo-DMT eluded me.

T+0:45 Having experienced very little in the way of striking departures from everyday reality, I chased approx. 10 mg on aluminum foil. It vaporized instantly. I did not notice any “burning plastic” taste as in the posts I read; the smoke tasted more like cornmeal, weirdly. The trippy feeling increased slightly. I walked aimlessly from room to room, feeling a little bit lost. Then I put my finger on what had changed. My self-image had changed back to reflect my exterior appearance.

For perhaps as much as eight months to a year, my self-image has suffered a near-total disintegration. Following the death of my father, the image projected inside the concave face-dish, if you can understand that, my image of me-to-myself, constantly shifted. It felt like a total loss of identity, coupled with a nonstop invasion of privacy by others. As if the plot of “Being John Malkovich” had come true, with me starring as Malkovich. As if others had discovered the hidden doorway leading to my head. I had no privacy, I thought. My ex-g/f, housemates, managers, co-workers, or strangers on the street could pop up inside my faceplate and harass me. But suddenly that had changed, and i returned, not to baseline of T-0:01, but baseline of 1985. All the trauma and guilt and grief had disintegrated away.

Two days later, I still retain my original personality. The Return feels like reincarnation. Where did this “I” go? How did I get back? Will it last? I still feel kind of stunned, on a different level, as if this previously-dead and younger Me can’t quite believe he came back. I feel as if I took not a recreational drug, but some miracle drug that restored the sanity which grief and time had destroyed.


Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 34918
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 1, 2004Views: 19,231
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : Health Benefits (32), First Times (2), Alone (16)

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