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Dissconnected and Aware the Whole Time
by Ryan
Citation:   Ryan. "Dissconnected and Aware the Whole Time: An Experience with DXM (exp34155)". Nov 28, 2006.

450 mg oral DXM (pill / tablet)
This report is lengthy but I had quite an experience and couldn't stop talking about it the whole next day because it was so bizarre.

I'm 17 and I had tried small dosages of DXM in pill form before and basically I only got a buzz. I had looked a lot up about it and had concluded that I would be fine taking it as long as I guaranteed there weren't any additional chemicals (ie. coricidin). I took 30 X 15 mg robitussin pills from the local grocery store and took them all with a glass of water once I got home from work. I had a friend with me to be on the safe side, who hadn't done anything himself. My friend and I turned on Pirates of the Carribbean and just relaxed.

At first I just had that something's in my body feeling for a while. I was capable of talking with my parents in this state and I was alright. After about 45 minutes I was feeling pretty buzzed. From this point on I didn't take too much measurement of time.

I was standing up and talking with my friend when suddenly I felt quite nauseus. I told my friend to stop talking (I couldn't focus too well) and I laid down and watched the movie. For a while I just sat there feeling pretty weird, then I felt extremely nauseus. Up until this point I had just felt really drunk and sick to my stomach and was still somewhat normal looking to my friend. I stumbled to my bathroom and then puked my guts out. I hadn't eaten for many hours so there wasn't much for me to throw up. I was worried because there was a lot of red in my vomit and I thought it might be blood but it actually was the medicine.

At this point I was feeling physically aweful but was still mentally aware of everything. I told myself wow this sucks, I am never doing this again. After I puked out everything I could I was feeling pretty dehydrated, drank some water, and returned to my bed. I turned on some music hoping it would help me calm down and it did not. I laid there and I started to get really freaked out over my brain. What I mean by this is that I felt fully aware, moreso than when I am drunk or something, but I could observe my body getting seemingly more and more detached. I threw up again, and by this time I was freezing cold and becoming quite cold.

The second time I returned from throwing up I was feeling terrible. I was freaking out and felt pretty close to losing control over my mind and body. A couple of times I felt as if my heart was beating way too fast. Another strange occurence was that whenever I tried to lay still (hoping desperately to fall asleep) I felt overcome by that numbness that one gets at the dentists office (dissassociative aneasthetics). This wave of prickley feelings (like when my leg falls asleep, only my entire body, outside and inside) was starting to freak me out.

I told my friend that I couldn't feel anything, and he pinched me and everything and I didn't even notice it. I also had closed my eyes because opening them made me extremely sick to my stomach. I went and threw up a third time. By this time I had a violent shaking situation (whenever I opened my eyes everything seemed to be 'swirling' strongly and shaking back at forth simultaniously). It was like a twisted and overwhelming form of being drunk.

This is when it started to get really weird. After returning to the bathroom this time I felt extremely detached. I don't know how to explain the feeling, because I felt like I was 'thinking' the same way, but I wasn't talking the same. My friend tells me I sounded like a timid 8-year old boy. Normally I am sarcastic and if I am in a lot of pain (and trust me, I was), I would naturally act emotional. Everything that I said sounded very strange. I would say things like 'I'm so sorry E., I hate puting you through all of this, if you go to sleep I'll just lay here and I'll figure things out, don't worry. But I really, really appreciate your concern.' He said I wasn't saying these things as if I was in trouble. Throughout this experience I was still fully aware of what was going on. I was feeling horrible but everything I said came out gentle and conservative.

I found myself talking to keep myself from thinking about how freaked out I was. I asked my friend what his favorite ice cream was, and he said 'um i like pecans' and my response was 'where am I right now? I'm pretty scared, please don't stop talking.' At this time I went and threw up a fourth time, this time just dry heaves really, so I made sure to drink a lot of water. I 'passed out' on the toilet, he says I did but I don't remember passing out. Later when I returned my pupils, which had been enormous before, were now extremely small. I was white as a ghost and sweating profusely. I was also experiencing something more powerful than 'robo'-walking, as I had experienced in the beginning. By this time I was completely incoherent and taking one step forward took an infinite amount of effort and focus. Even so I couldnt stop from crashing into the wall. When I got back into bed I tried to lay still. Whenever I did, I felt overcome by a wave of that numbness and even though I thought I lay completely still my friend would shake me because he said I was 'convulsing.' I didn't lose consciousness but he says I was having seizures.

The rest of the night I let Eric go to sleep and I asked him to put on something relaxing to listen to (haha elton john). I lay in my bed for what seemed like an ETERNITY praying to hold onto my sanity. And I can honestly say that I was watching my body freaking out and I was listening to my heartbeat and my stomach gurgling for a long time. From 4:14 AM to 4:16 seemed honestly to be at least half an hour. Eventually I gained enough confidence to sit up in my bed and open my eyes. I laid for a while reflecting until I fell asleep around 8 AM. I woke up at about 11:30, bewildered but haha not even hung over, and the rest of the day I was fine.

My conclusions on this experience are that DXM is a drug I will NEVER do again but that I would recommend, in non-crazy amounts and under the guidance of a good trip-sitter in a comfortable environment, to try at least once to gain an appreciation for how much control you have over your body in normal consciousness (compared to that night I feel high every day now).

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 34155
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 28, 2006Views: 29,375
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DXM (22) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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