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Unimaginable Depths of Terror
5-MeO-DMT
Citation:   Aurelito. "Unimaginable Depths of Terror: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp34020)". Erowid.org. Mar 12, 2008. erowid.org/exp/34020

 
DOSE:
15 mg insufflated 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
  30 mg insufflated 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
BODY WEIGHT: 200 lb
my roommate and i procured 50mg of 5-MeO-DMT. i am fairly well-versed in psychoactive chemicals, but have always been somewhat wanton with doses. at the time, i was going through a particularly anxious and depressed episode, which drove me to reckless, masochistic behavior. i'll touch a bit on my particular attitudes because i think they may illuminate this type of behavior, which i doubt is peculiar to me alone.

i have a large ego and a collection of neuroses that cause me plenty of anxiety and petty dysfunction. at the time, i feared i was becoming mediocre and trivial, and psychedelics alleviated that distress -- their infallible capacity to manufacture profound experiences even in the dullest of circumstances meant i could escape my petty anxieties under the guise of psychological exploration. i need not point out that this is a disastrous attitude toward both life and psychedelics.

my roommate insufflated a 10mg dose. he was speechless for fifteen minutes or so, seemed utterly catatonic and jarred. afterward, he was able to say very little: mostly exclamations of surprise and anxiety. he described it as 'being shot out of a canon,' which in retrospect is not inaccurate.

i insufflated a 15mg dose next. onset was extremely rapid (under a minute) and effects were unbelievably intense. i was utterly overwhelmed by the sheer force of the experience, and for the next fifteen minutes was incredulous and fearful at how deranged i felt. For me, unlike other psychedelics, 5-meo is impossible to subdue or circumvent; it is a brutal mental bludgeon that will not suffer to be ignored. derangement cannot be described in term of sensory distortion, though i did lose touch with my surrounding. the derangement is incredibly fast--i don't know how else to describe it. if you ever got on a rollercoaster and regretted it as soon as the train lurched forward at a dizzying velocity, you'll know what i'm talking about.

the experience was made endurable by the happy fact i still retained some sense that this experience was to be brief. and indeed, fifteen minutes later i touched down, likewise disoriented and overwhelmed. the trip was devoid of any redeeming insights, save perhaps kindling in me a renewed humility before psychedelics. it would be one more 5-meo trip before that humility would translate to prudence.

in retrospect, i couldn't really tell you why i did what i did next. my roommate had already retired to his room, and i spontaneously decided to snort the remainder (25mg) and quietly trip in bed before going to sleep, or so i thought. after insufflations, i had enough time to walk to my bedroom and lay down. i immediately had a powerful premonition that something extremely violent and awful was about to happen. i got up, slightly queasy, and headed to the bathroom (this is about 60 seconds after insufflations). i managed to grab the edge of the sink before my world was annihilated.

i had lost any sense of identity, of my humanity and of my surroundings. what i experienced next was sensory, though i cannot attribute it to any particular sense. i could not distinguish sights from sounds -- everything enmeshed into a brutalizing cerebral tidal wave that obliterated any and all rational thought. my entire existence was condensed into a hysterical plunge into an incomprehensible abyss. i was not experiencing terror and dread -- i was terror and dread. everything else was muted and vague.

i came to in the bathtub some fifteen minutes later, with a very concerned roommate fixing a frightened gaze down at me. i had apparently thrashed violently and moaned incoherently. i fell into the bathtub, vomited all over myself and bled from the nose. i couldn't speak much afterward. i was very shaken, and could only manage a breathless chant of 'i'm ok, i'm ok, i'm ok'.

i still feel a viceral pang of terror when i recall the experience. i have since (this was about six months ago) been unable to consume any psychoactive (i've tried twice with mushrooms and several with marijuana) without having a horrendously bad experience. i have no doubt the aftermath of this trauma will continue to affect me for a long while.

i wouldn't recommend it, at all. nonetheless, i realize the overwhelming force of this substance will continue to prove attractive to some people. if you ever find yourself in possession of this chemical, please, please treat it with utmost care.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 34020
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 12, 2008Views: 26,285
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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