Citation: Gorgon. "Rewards and Punishments: An Experience with Amanita pantherina, Salvia divinorum & GHB (exp33775)". Erowid.org. Apr 16, 2006. erowid.org/exp/33775
A sunny day. Expected to rain. Wanting to feel pleasant, happy. Laid back feeling... Worked to get all chores out of the way. Weekend is ending; it is Sunday afternoon.
At 3:00 we decided to eat some mushrooms. By 3:20 we were done--they were very yummy, prepared with butter and garlic.
4:00pm, 40m after taking 15 grams of Amanita Muscaria (muscaria):
Body feels like its lighter than normal. Maybe a bit faster. Music is enhanced with a greater spatial resonance... more treble seems to be involved as well.
My mood is heightened. I don't feel like I could do everything (like take on the world), but I am pleased with the feeling I have. I could go for some GHB but would not want to mix it with the experience at this point.
I want to think that I am experiencing dry mouth, but I can create saliva by swishing my tongue around.. the mouth area does feel a little funny, but nothing bad.
reading is irritating. I just want to skip through things (such as trip reports) to get to the point.
When I read, I wanted to get the the point immediately. But not knowing where the point was, it was pointless to read. But I did want to read... I just couldn't handle the slow ness of it. I sort of feel the same way in the typing... but that things are coming in a series (or perhaps fits) of starts and stops, where I'll get a lot of typing out fast, then bomb when I make a mistake and have to correct it, then do it right again.
My counterpart can't look at a computer screen or she becomes ill.
I am now going to try to play the game Sacrifice and see how it is.
5:08 I had pretty good focus, I won the match. Didn't notice so much other than the focus on the game!
My eyesight is terrible! Can't read address across the street. My right eye has become dominant; my left eye normally is. That's really weird.
Had 5 grams of panther whatever type of mushroom. Went down very easy. Food tasted great. Eveyrthing tastes great. can even eat lemon peels without issue (without seperating from lemon), chocolate was good. I am preparing 8oz of mad cocoa to share with gf. Should be good.
I have a lot of clumsy energry, I have obviously become right eye dominate, (I am left eye otherwise)--and I feel as if I am being pulled to the right whenever I do something In writing this I keep waniting to look between the lines or along them or anything but I can watch the type--but when I wordwrap, I want to keep going to the right!
When we started (gf and I) to eat the panther mushrooms, she wanted to puke... and she did! She probably lost one cap and maybe a stem. She hadn't gotten far into the eating. I Was able to eat without a problem--although at one time the dirt flavor was abit accenuated. I found that soaking chewing and swallowing quickly worked best to fight the dirt--washing it off sorta spread around the taste.
6:17 gf is completely having a heious
7:05 ok she had a heinously bad trip god and the devil, doing drugs, virginity, drinking and driving... and SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. I was feeling incredibly pleasant, but now that her issues are over... She kep wanting to get up up could not walk, she got up and slid in the bathrrom and slit her lip open and bled all over the place.
Mission: Keep her in bathroom. Capeting throughout house iS PURE WHITE. Fuck.
Mission: SHe is screaming like what I've only read about, Total complete blood curdling scream. A SCREAM that not only is the most terrified sounding scream I have ever heard, but she is doing it in my house. With the windows open, and yelling about blood and drugs and FUCK So I need something dark to shove into her face, so I grab a dark ratty towel and quiet her down and soak up the blood.
Mission: close windows. Cant do that because she is too busy trying to get out of the bathroom, resisting the towl throwing the pillows I put in there (she can't walk due to the mushrooms--she banged her head and is bleeding, is strongly resisting my attempts to keep her held down and screaming that I am the devil and that she hates me, all while the windows are open. As loud as she can .
I make the run and close the doors, the windows, eveyrthing, I run back up, (she was thudding and yelling and,..) she's half out the bathroom.
I have to get her calmed down!
Get her some. She needs to calm down. So I start saying happy this happy that pleasant fine blue skys... this starts to work. I lead her into a happy mode, ask her if she wants GHB, oh yes yes es she sure does. Ok lay here and I'll get some.
I hear her start to thump and her voice is escalating--I am rapidly trying to get her about 6 grams and doing it fast--get the juice ok up we go, you ready yes, takes the glass drops it and it breaks, glass all over teh alreayd bloody floor and liquid everywhere, and she tries to get up again and the flor is wet and she flies face down fast.
Mission: before taking anything have a backup plan. I assess my situation, I have No mushroom sensation AT ALL. It's all adrenaline now. Ok I use the towl we were using to stop her face from bleeding to clean up the floor, wipe up the fluids and glass. Floor is clean but slick, she's trying to get up at high speed but its half-up down repeatedly . Lay on your stomach noooo noo etc ok she does it.
after an eternity I get her into a happy zone again. Wnat ghb ok I will get some...
I grab the PLASTIC bathroom cup this time...go do everything, get back she's in the bedroom, and she's very heavy to me, and I drag her back into the bathroom.
noise shout devil etc good bad etc yell yell. Heyyyyy I have GHB ok. First practice with this... OTHER PLASTIC CUP OF WATER? Takes in a bunch and sprays it out. Good thing we practiced.
I pour a sip worth in to that cup, give to her... 15 minutes of this and shes' taken it. I wait. she struggling etc but its starting to diminish. By 6:50 I can walk her to the bed (master bathroom is connected to teh bedroom) and lay her down, give her a pillow, ok I agree god is great the devil is bad, drugs are bad, never drink and drive, ok, say it but don't announce it with a scream, hey how about flowers... and roses.. the scents are mixing... THis worked. I was able to get her to think about that--her breathing started to get heavier and finally she just started to mumble.. 20 minutes after taking the GHB I get to document this... it's 7:12 (about 7:17 when I sat down) and time is going slow for me... that hour was fast though.
Well I guess I won't go walk a bit outside, judging her reaction. I don't wan tto encounter any neighbors either. Oh look its about to storm. It was totally sunny when we started this. I do hope the storm doesn't frighten her. Good she's totally asleep. Spread out like an eagle but her feet are touching each other (I took her socks off to give her better traction in the bathroom since her shoes slipped right off. Then after the spill in there, nothing could stand.anyway).
So how do I feel? Glad that's over. I feel the mushroom in me and while I am correcting some of my errors, I am making a lot of them. I decided structure and flow were not important when recalling what she was doing.
I feel good. I have energy. I would like to go outside, but will not (and its about to be storming, so I cannot anyway).
I am fairly certain her TERROR came about before the panther mushrooms kicked in, and that they fed to it.
Me on the other hand... I feel good flighty and light, buzzed the way amanitas do, and I could dance or run or just about anything fun really, but I have an unconcious lug in the next room... I am guessing it'll last her 3 hours, give or take a few.
7:29 Slightly irritated that she had her freak out when the weather was Perfect, and now that it is Storming, NO ONE IS OUTSIDE to hear any commotion. bad timing, bad trip.
We chose to do this on a Sunday afternoon. How pleasant. I typically turn in around 9:30; and it's about 7:30. I sort of would like to take more, but then I consider the whole Work thing the next day... cleaning up her mess would be a downer, but I can probablyl let her do that, since she is the one that begged for mushrooms. I said we couldn't have them until she lost 10 pounds; she lost five, the day was nice... I wanted have some as well...
7:35. Time is a-goin' slow. I felt that way before, and was going to write it, but little Miss Hap mishap over there happened. Or Mis-happened (I suppose Misshapen is a good one for her position at the moment, haha).
7:36 I am sure the humor escapes you, the trip reader. Oh, I hear her breathing heavy. Good sign.
I think I may just listen to the music now...
7:37 Listesns to Shpongle via headphones no U hears a splurgish sound (like a juicy sputter) and I suppose that's the best decscription, she is juiceily sputtering. She is breathing through her nose but leaking a bit of mucus. She's moaning (groaning?) softly as well.
7:40 I wonder if I will even be allowed to listen to the music. Storm is violently setting in. THis irriates me because all week they said it'd storm, and it never did. Now it is. All week, I wanted to put out weed killer. Can't do it if it rains within 24 hours. I put out extra. Looks like I need to buy more... fertiziler part will work real well, weed part is getting washed away...
7:42 Contemplating on this whole thing. When we went out for lunch, traffic was terrible for where I wanted to go. We got something else and it was veyr expensive and not worth the price. prepared the mushrooms an alternate way and it was not so good, prepared rest the normal way and it was good. But a little upset I gave in to her whining. And that she's eating butter when trying to lose weight. But over all, I feel good. The sense of taste still is jacked up, so maybe I will find a hard candy somewhere...
7:45 Candy is ok, but I like it in my mouth. I picked a red colored one, I couldn't tell you what flavor it is. Maybe rasberry.
My cactii are out getting stormed on.
The sky, I kid you not, is TAN. With a touch of green. I put down the weed killer and not only did she freak out, nature freaked out. THe notepad I am wrtiting this in is changing colors a bit, its lightning really intense out there, and bah.
Not upset, just noticed the day is not one to repeat. But yet, I feel increadibly stable and overall pleased.
7:47, now I try to listen to music... It appears that it had been left on (my battery powered MP3 player) playing music during the whole ordeal. Still running. Well I have extra batteries somewhere.
it is 8:47 no joke.
I have been me looking out. I have been me slowly catching on--forcing myself to breathe reazling yeah this sinking slowly spinning will stop as is breathes, and my surroundings all would sink slowly away yet be there,.. when I close my eyes, I am part of a big wheel that soething is trying to make... the music goes to everything. It's all planned...I can move and breathe and whatnot but yet know what I want to do that there is a place for it.
I had decided to take a bit of some 11x salvia I bought a long time ago. took in 1/5 a gram during that hour and coughed most of it out. and then bam into space (I am there now as I type...its almost like I nitroused this, if I hold my breath it bases itself on willpower to hold (checked GB after I hada major trip, she's still misshapen in her mishap. I should sleep soon.
Shortly after 7:47's entry I went downstairs to lay on the couch, close my eyes, and absorb the music. Very comfortable. With my eyes closed, I could sense a sort of layered imagery, a slight spin to the right (ever so faint--I could see it with my eyes closed--not a spin over to my right, but a sense of reality spinning clockwise, slowly. The field of view was broken into horizontal bars, each of the same size. The third bar had very faint yellow activity in it. Like an oscilliscope--the harder I tried to focus on it, the more I'd lose the background of layered imagery, which was spinning as described. And when I stopped trying to focus, I would lose it all. Then a voice popped in my head that said I had a gram of 11x salvia. Why not try it? I had been saving it for a special occasion, why not now, it purred to me.
After the next song, I'll get up. I tried to relax again but this time my own voice popped in there saying yeah, try the salvia, and before I knew it I had retrieved it and headed to another room, this time dimly lit, to smoke it.
I chose a new song, Synthetic Lifeforms by FLA. I placed 1/5 a gram in the pipe, lit, and inhaled. HARSH, I resisted a cough and I held my breath.
A face formed in front of me; it was the room. The room was looking at me, examining me, and was slowly rotating clockwise (to my right and around). I fell into the back of my head, and could only see out with tunnel vision. I could sense the presence of others--indifferent others, noticing me as I noticed them, and they were riding in this spin. They were there, as regular room objects, acting as regular room objects, but looking at me and some were shrugging, but others ignored me. Eventually I could sense that there was excitement, and that I was about to finally learn something.
My chest throbbed. I turned my head and felt the headphone cable dangle against me and move away to the left (the room was spinning to the right, remember) The song was perfect in all aspects to what was going on, and the entities spoke to me that I would learn real soon, just wait--all to the beat of the song. The room started to disintegrate, like as if it was made from a bunch of tiny rods (perhaps the size of a cigarette) that started to zoom back towards me, or rather, behind me, and what was left behind was reality, and that as the rod shapes came towards me (these were all just like the room, mind you--as if they were translucently and wavering, shining but not bright, but like looking at an object through water, but yet with the utmost clarity). My chest throbbed harder, I realized I had to breathe. Yes I must breathe! That is what I had to do! I inhaled. Immediately the rods shot back out, restoring the room to its supernatural qualities. The face continued to spin, and then I closed my eyes.
I was inside a giant wheel, which was turning clockwise. It was more like a multicolored gear, and I was sitting on (is it called) a cog, that rotated along on this gear. Other entities were sitting on other cogs. It was a three dimensional space, and it was colored like gharish cirus colors. My chest throbbed. The voices (high pitched, both male and female, at the same time from all angles) spoke excitedly that there was still more to learn, and the music played perfectly to their words. As I looked about, my cog (I want to say anchor, how about platform) began to grow as the others started to shrink away, to be replaced by darkness. The wheel/gear was disintegrating quickly. I opened my eyes to see the cigarette rods in the room have already moved halfway back to their restoring the room to normality. The voices sang, he's learning he's learning. I moved forward farther back to my face, from teh back of my head, and slowly looked around. I can move my arms, I thought, and set the lighter and the pipe down. I can feel the floor, Yes he can! he can do all of these things, they sang to me in perfect time to the music.
My lungs ached, I inhaled again, yes yes thats it inhale, and the rods shot forward, back to translucency, I closed my eyes and the wheel was back, yes oh yes it that he is learning, he is learning that he must breathe to continue, but if he exhales it is that he will lose it, but it is that he it that he must inhale it, they chorused, perfectly, to the music. That was it, I had to exhale soon. The pain was becoming unbearable, as each inhale was less than the previous. The song was lasting forever, and the amazement of what was going on still new.
I exhaled and quickly gasped as much as I could (of air) and held. yes yes he has learned it he has, breathe he does, hold it as long as you can he will.
I closed my eyes and the gear was still spinning, but everything was melting away, I opened my eyes and the world was quickly falling back behind me--the tripworld. The oxygen fed it, but the oxygen fueled the salvia and the amanita. But now the salvia was gone, and only remnants remained.
I lit another puff and held as long as I could. I laid down on the floor and stared at the ceiling, then closed my eyes. I was looking out through a tunnel, watching the wheel, watching the glittering platforms shine with a plasma of old screen savers or modern winamps. I knew I had learned something earlier but what? Something weird happened, but what? Stop thinking and watch, they sang, just listen to the music, we will speak when you have to learn. The song playing (still synthetic lifeforms) had strange words I didn't understand, and it was slow, so slow, Like bullet time. I had fallen into the back of my head again. This place is a tomb, the mp3 player said. And I watched everything unfold.
And so I watched. At some point Tea Daze played, and I watched the world rotate as I rode it. I opened and closed my hands, and they sang that I knew how to use them, that he can touch the carpet, that he can feel the world around him, but not behind him, nothing is behind him, nothing to fe-eeel. He will feel a tingle, a little tingle, Hara hara maha deva shambhu. kashi vishnu nara gangay. Hara hara maha deva shambhu. kashi vishnu nara gangay.
I felt my lungs pounding in my chest, and realized this was familiar, and yes it is he is learning, he will soon see it soon it is again!
I inhaled--everything brightened in intensity. This was familiar. I started to head towards my eyes again. I could turn my head--the lighter was in my hand, I was clutching it tightly--the feeling was the oddest sensation, but it spun away to the left when I let go. I opened my eyes and the rods were coming at me fast (or, I should say, going straight behind me where I could not see them--not direclty behind me, as the rods moved in a straight line. The rods up close were the exact diameter to successfully pack an OO gelcap, by the way, and small enough to be easily handled were I to actually manage to manipulate one. So thinner than a cigarette but just as easy to hold. I did not try to hold one but obsereved the size and that their translucency was that of looking through of the portals in the game Serious Sam, where looking through it on one side shows where I would go if I went through it, and the other size was all glyphs. That is how the rods looked--as if there was something on the otherside (which happened to be the room).
My lungs ached. He is learning! I remember now, I have to inhale... and everything came back suddenly, I hadn't even noticed anything fading away. I was happy. Almost blissful. I turned my head and realized I was flat on my back, and the headphones were in the way. The song had changed. I just realized that Around the World in a Tea Daze was playing.
I climbed back into my face. The rods were approaching rapidly. I closed my eyes, and saw the wheel dissolving away as it slowly turned. yes yes he is learning it again he will breathe again, soon he will see it will he will see! The rods shot back at me, to the music, to the entities voices, always going the right pace to the music, even if the music is fast or slow.
Suddenly the music was half-way into And the Day turned into night (I think that's what its called). see he will inhale he has to inhale (they sang faster) he is learning going to inhale . I realized I had to breathe--I inhaled and everything was restored briefly but then started to drop away at a much faster rate. I exhaled fully and fell into the front of my face from the back of my head while laying flat on my back upon taking a deep breath. Hey! There's a carpet behind me! Yes he knows but he knows (going slower)
The world was returning. The music was phenomenal. I decided to have a teensy bit more.
I was happy. There was nothing but extreme pleasantness--I was content. Pleased more than happy, I think. I saw four bars in front me of as I saw before, and the wheel was behind it. Yellow forms appeared in the 2nd top most bar (this is as before I had th salvia) and it was superimposed over the room or the wheel. As it faded away I tried not to concentrate on it, I tried to look past it, but the yellow was not translucent, and was in the way. random shapes formed and the space started to melt, to fold, to fall back behind me. I decided that I would go back to the computer and type again.
8:51 exhaled and inhaled regular air again. (I put the pipe away after about half of a gram) I feel like I am sideways and that everything must spin straight--however I lay against something or stand is part of the spin--a very very slow spin. there's no reason behind it, and there are other entities that are looking at me, as part of the room and just sorta expect me to take it. Everything is soooo laid back...
I took four grams of GHB and decide to go lay down in bed, perhaps sleep. She is in bed in the same position as before.
10:17. Well at 9::17 she woke up. My pleasnant evening is over--batteries in mp3 went dead about 9:30. She was emitting a lot of mewls and grunts, but by 9:45 she was animated and awake.
She has to go to the bathroom. This is proving to be a major issue, because she will not remain still. To get her to remain still, I have given her more GHB (at her request after I suggested it, although I am not so sure she's that comprehensive at the momement). It took many tries but finally got her to drink it. The high disappeared entirely when she became mobile, and my patience started to wear thin.
And so far, I do not believe it is helping. THis is pretty boring. SHe's up has to go to the bathroom, doesn't go, falls in the bathroom, barely makes it back to bed, and the cycle repeats.
I come here to write something and I hear her fall (hard) in the bathroom. The moment I leave she gets up. Right now... (after about 25 minutes from GHB drinking) she's just starting to have difficulty sitting up. This is good. Hopefully she will be asleep soon. She never did go to the bathroom.
She did manage to break open her scabs from her previous jaunt a few hours ago, and so she's successfully ruined the bed sheets.
10:33 I think she's asleep. I hardly feel the mushrooms, although when I think about it, I lightly feel the effects from the mushrooms and the smoking and my GHB from the 8:51 entry (I did get a little side tracked!)
I think my evening is over, aside from ok she's up and clunking again. *sigh* as saying, (she's back in bed but who knows for how long).
11:30 she can request simple things like food (food food food) or needing to go to the bathroom (pee pee pee) She is very mobile and I can't stop her from falling constantly.
By 12:30 I was about to lose it. Now she gets up and drops the floor, has banged her head multiple times and has bloodied up the sheets and pillows. I did not have the energy for this. I decided to give up and take more GHB. How much longer can this last??
I get more GHB because I am angry and I try not to be; she cannot help her actions. She keeps getting up and falling. everything about her is dishevelled and bruised. I give her mine and she manages to drink it slowly.. I figure I can wait 20 minutes for her to fall asleep. But I had to give her more and more until finally I took some for myself. She got much slower but wasn't sleeping yet, and now she is laying on the bed twitching.
I come into the computer room to reiterate what happened...
We are both in our Late 20s. We had both had amanita at least three times before. 15 grams this time, then 5 panther grams 2 hours after first effects felt. Baggage beforehand, but didn't bother me. *my* effects were very pleasant. When I smoked 11x Salvia, that was beyond cool. Glad I did that, I had a great time.
Her: Heck never giving more than 15grams again. Not sure if I am ever giving them to her again. She had some major baggage and it rocked her world bad. As a result, she's bloody and bruised. I could have had an awesome time, but she made sure to... and she just smashed herself again. I can't leave the room. My thoughts are scattered as is the writing I am sure. Back to her (after having just dealt with her) She is on SSRIs and an anti-psychotic medication due to problems she has; I am not on medication and am fairly well adjusted.
By 1:30am she is 'awake' from her stupor; I am nearly asleep. She is very quiet and asked if she had a bad trip. I say yes.
Later that morning.. I have related my experiences to her and she is very jealous, but also vary wary of the mushrooms. She says she never wants to see them again, and I would prefer not to show them to her!
The next day she was unable to walk at all--at the end of the week she was limping fairly well. Initially the next day, she had to crawl around, which hurt, since her knees were bruised. She had a lot of baggage going into the trip, and it sure did bad things for her. She took the next day off to ponder what happened to her.
I got to work terribly late the next day, and listened to Tea Daze in the car in a construction zone--the construction barrels were lined just perfectly on a curve to momentarily throw me into the trip-wheel, as each barrel turned into a platform that spun (I was driving on an on-ramp that curved) I tingled and suddenly realized I was piloting a car, I better not enjoy that. But I was put into a good mood. The rest of the ride was so pleasant I do not recall it--despite construction and traffic. I simply floated through it all.
I will do this again, but with this combination of experiences in mind, I believe I will make sure I will have a sitter, some GHB handy in a plastic cup, and absolutely no baggage whatsoever.
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