Citation: Halo. "Reflections of a Coke-Head: An Experience with Cocaine (exp33645)". Erowid.org. May 1, 2007. erowid.org/exp/33645
||(powder / crystals)
As I write this I am starting to come down from the above mentioned dose. My talkativeness is otherwise gone as I am alone, and the come-down is at a point where I feel comfortable giving an accurate description of this drug. I started using coke about four years ago. A lot had recently happened in my life and I was very depressed, but would not admit it. I had only ever tried bud before in high school, but now that I was out I was making new friends and an old friend of mine was really into the drug scene in my area. We started hanging out together, drinking a lot, smoking fantastic bud, and eventually, cocaine.
It's safe to say, here at least, that I am very tolerant of drugs. I'm not sure if I have an addictive personality because I am prone to indulgence and excess but I've never been 'strung-out' or robbed someone to buy drugs. I am an average middle-class person with decent grades, college aspirations, and an otherwise tame upbringing and moral foundation. I've seen plenty worse off than me, let's put it that way.
So here I am, a lover of drugs, specifically stimulants and mood enhancers. By this time, I've tried just about every drug on the table, all the majors, most of the minors, and quite a few exotics. I've just been really into drugs and experimentation. I guess you could say that after high school and my first year of college, I was finally being forced to come to terms with who I was. I was finding myself, to be a little simpler. I finally found myself doing coke, my particular poison, every weekend and dreaming about it every day, for about a year. I didn't think anything was wrong with my life, I didn't think I was addicted. But I learned later that this is what an addiction is, a warrantless compulsion for anything. I started out indulging, which I believe is perfectly fine. But I didn't pay too much attention to the warning signs, I liked the drug too much, and I didn't want to believe that I was becoming addicted.
Things finally reached a peak when my girlfriend of a few months (a very anti-drug girl) found out that I had been using coke extensively for a month behind her back and lying to her about it. My excellent relationship nearly crumbled, but I salvaged things by promising to stay off all drugs, for good. That was a year and a half ago. I was clean, except for some meth I tried like six months ago (and liked a lot btw), and kept away from all drugs. Then over the last couple of weeks, after bad news, I've been die hard for more coke. I don't know why, I went a whole year and a half almost without any drugs, and now I can't stop thinking about it. Tonight the craving reached a fevered pitch, and suffice to say I ended up with the above amount. I did some of it at a friends house, and took the rest home. All seems well.
But I know I can easily have a problem with coke if I let it get out of hand, because it is the one drug I love the most (next to meth). I broke a over a year's sobriety and possibly endangered my relationship with the one girl I love most in the world, all for a twenty bag. Of course I won't tell her, and I'll cover it up like I did before, only this time moreso, because I can't bear to think what she'll do if she finds out. Tonight was a stupid move on my part, but I still did it anyways. It really feels like I just couldn't handle it.
In summary, I recommend no one try coke because you never know how it will affect you and how much you'll probably love it. But, most of you will, I did, most everyone I know did, some pass by it in their lives, and others live for it. Take caution, and avoid this potent drug if possible. After all these years I truly feel that the NEED for it will always override any GUILT or SHAME for doing it. Forewarned is forearmed.
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