Citation: Suburban Shaman. "Sex with Mama Ayahuasca: An Experience with B. caapi (exp33549)". Erowid.org. Mar 30, 2005. erowid.org/exp/33549
I awake and look at the clock. Itís just after 3 am. I listen to hear if there was a noise that had awakened me. My wife is soundly asleep next to me. My 4- and 7-year old sons appear to be asleep in their beds. I hear nothing from the guest room, where my wifeís friend and her infant are quiet. It seems every one is asleep but me. For some reason I am wide awake. For a while I try to get back to sleep but it occurs to me this will be a good time for a quick test I wanted to conduct.
I am planning a communion with Teonanacatl next week. My last communion with the mushroom spirit resulted only in a serious case of the giggles. While it was fun and I did learn a few important things from the giggles, I want to go deeper.
Since my supplies are limited, I have been considering ways to help my experience go deeper with the same amount of Teonanacatl. It is not common but I know that Amazonian Indians have been known to smoke Ayahuasca. And my friend and mentor in Peru has told me that smoking Ayahuasca will enhance the effect of Teonanacatl.
There is some chemical basis for this. The MAO inhibitors in Ayahuasca should enhance the psilocybin in Teonanacatl - the same way many self-styled consciousness explorers use Syrian rue to intensify other drugs. But smoking would be a very poor way to absorb the MAO inhibitors. And even if smoking were an effective way to ingest Ayahuasca, by itself Ayahuasca should be psychoactively inert. Without Chacruna, some other DMT source, or another chemical such as psilocybin, smoking Ayahuasca should not shift my consciousness. [Erowid Note: People do report that Banisteriopsis caapi does have psychoactive properties in its own right.]
As I must never forget, it isnít about chemistry - itís about the spirit of the plant. Itís about the spirit of the plant and being in good relationship with it.
Years ago, long before I befriended Mama Ayahuasca, I tried smudging with Ayahuasca (i.e., I burned a small piece of dried vine and washed the smoke over my body). I immediately got very sick - my lungs seized up and I coughed and wheezed for three days. It was a silly experiment conducted by someone who simply didnít know what he was doing. Since then I have made peace with the spirit of the vine when itís brewed in a traditional way. I know that if I smoke the vine now my new relationship with Mama Ayahuasca will keep me from getting as sick as before, but I need to know if it will affect my breathing at all. If I can smoke this without having breathing problems, I can ask Ayahuasca to help me along on my next Teonanacatl journey.
I go to the sacred space in my home. I take a moment to pray and connect with Spirit. I have a special pipe I use solely for these experiments - my other pipes never get anything but sacred Tobacco in them. I lay out this stone and wood pipe and sanctify it with Sage. I put a moderately sized pinch of shaved Ayahuasca vine into the pipe and smoke it. I am surprised that it smokes so well; it stays lit easily and produces a good amount of smoke. I intentionally do not inhale, although of course a small amount of smoke could not help but go into my lungs. It does not taste bad; it is similar to what I imagine it would be like to smoke oak. I feel no change of consciousness or spirit at all. There is a dryness in the back of my throat, as if I had eaten saw dust.
I check on my family and guests again. Everyone is safe and asleep. Still wide awake and knowing I could not sleep, I return to the sacred space. I put on headphones and sit down to listen to Byron Metcalfís Helpers Guides & Allies.
I have never really gotten much from this CD but it seems most appropriate for the situation. Smoking Ayahuasca in the middle of the night with no sitter and with guests in the house sounds like a just another context-free spiritual experiment, no different than kids going to a rave and ingesting whatever substances they happen to find and subjecting themselves to whatever spiritual forces might be floating around. I know that the teacher plants (and everything our society knows as a ďdrugĒ) are only safe and effective in the context of time-proven traditions and culture. Yes, of course traditions must be kept alive - they must expand, transform, adapt to new situations or they become dead dogma. And I also know that itís physically, psychologically, and spiritually dangerous to try to transform a tradition without already having mastered that tradition. And by no means have I mastered the traditions of Ayahuasca.
I smoked the Ayahuasca without understanding the traditions, without the benefit of a cultural context to guide me. Thatís just like the music on the CD: an interesting experiment but with no specific cultural context, no heritage of time-proven use, no background; just cool, interesting, exciting, context-free New Age ďneo shamanicĒ guess-work. I donít apply a value judgment to ďcontext-free.Ē Iím not saying itís bad. In fact in some situations itís good and necessary. Iím just saying that for me in this situation ďcontext-freeĒ was not what I should have been doing. However, as the music progresses I realize that I am hearing it in a whole new way. While I am not particularly _enjoying_ the music, it seems much more pertinent, much more alive, than ever before. I am aware that my consciousness has indeed shifted to some small degree.
Suddenly I smell an intense, sharp, and nearly overpowering odor. I open my eyes and look around to see if something is burning. I realize Iím smelling the fresh Sage that is drying in the corner. My sense of smell apparently is greatly enhanced.
Then I have to take a dump. Badly. It is reminiscent of the effects of brewed Ayahuasca. I decide to use the bathroom in our bedroom where my wife is sleeping.
As I walk through the dark hallway outside our bedroom I am filled with an awareness of myself as alpha male. These feelings are completely alien to me. No one who knows me personally would ever imagine I could have such feelings. But for some reason I am intensely aware that I own this house. I am the largest, strongest, smartest one here. I provide for these people. Without me they would starve and freeze to death. They went to sleep with full bellies tonight because of the sweat of my brow. Those sweet innocent little boys sleeping in the next room - I created them from just one tiny cell. And I will guide and temper them into empowered, virile, worldly MEN. Thatís how powerful I am. This excessively-nice house in this excessively-nice suburban neighborhood is my KINGDOM and nobody better fuck with me. I am a man, my body is a manís body, my soul is a manís soul. While I am not at all sexually aroused, I am aware of my genitals between my legs and I am proud of them.
I am aware these feelings are unusual and must be part of the consciousness shift I am experiencing.
I go to the bathroom and take a very large dump. As I pass through our bedroom on my way back to Byron Metcalf, my wife stirs and calls to me. She asks me to come back to bed to cuddle. My wife is rarely interested in sex, and so cuddling is usually all we do.
I climb into bed and foreplay starts immediately. She asks me to fondle and suck her breasts which she hasnít allowed me to do for years, not since she ended breastfeeding. Our sex is deep and intense. Our bodies seem unusually sensitive. We donít even need lubricants as we typically do. After we both have orgasm I lay back. I love the wetness around me and the smells of our bodies. I am aware of the muscles in my body. This is a manís body, with large, powerful muscles. I am aware my penis is happy.
I close my eyes and see a crowd of creatures that are half man and half animal: Horse, Bull, Frog, Eagle, and others my conscious mind canít comprehend. I dance with these creatures as I hold my wife. We doze lightly.
On most mornings my sons come knocking on our bedroom door about 5:30 am and climb into bed with us. While I have a close and loving relationship with my sons, typically in the mornings they are mamaís boys and want nothing to do with me.
On this day right on queue at 5:30 thereís a knock at our door. My sons climb into bed with us. But today something is different. At first they lay between my wife and me. But this morning they both want to be next to me. We shuffle in bed until I have one on each side of me. But inexplicably thatís not enough. Neither of them wants to be near mom. After more shuffling around they finally ask mom to leave the bed entirely so they can be close to me alone.
Now, a full day after I smoked the Ayahuasca, I am physically and spiritually fine and ďnormal.Ē I have no coughing or wheezing. My alpha male feelings have moved on.
Note: I had not taken any other drugs, prescription or otherwise, for more than 6 months except for occasional ceremonial use of Tobacco. I had followed the MAOI diet for 2 days.
Yes, I know that traditionally ayahuasqueros abstain from sex, particularly for 3 days before and after a ceremony. But in this instance I really feel that having sex was not only OK but part of what I needed to experience.
Yes, I also know that smoking Ayahuasca is not psychoactive on its own. [Erowid Note: see previous Note above] Yet I also know that chemistry is just one tool which the spirits of these plants use. And as I know these plants affect not only the one who consumes them but others around them as well.
Thank you, Mama Ayahuasca, for blessing my sexuality and my half of the human race. Thank you for showing yourself to me in your smoke. Thank you for being gentle with me.
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