Citation: Valerie. "Ketamine Isn't Coke, Duh: An Experience with Ketamine (exp32474)". Erowid.org. Nov 16, 2007. erowid.org/exp/32474
||(powder / crystals)
Always up for something new, that was me. Up to this point the casual pot smoking had done the job for me and I wasn't really looking for a new high, but when my cousin offered me coke, I didn't object. I was staying the night with him and he said his brother had some coke and he knew where it was, so sure, what the hell, bring on the numbness. I waited for him (I'll call him J*) to come back with the stuff and I tried to prepare myself with the knowledge I had obtained about coke from friends. Then there he was, standing in front of me with a little bag and a pair of fingernail clippers. 'What the fuck is he gonna do with that?' I thought. Oh well, I had already committed myself to it this far, can't prove to be a chicken shit now.
J pulled out the fingernail file from the clippers and opened the baggy. He put what I thought to be a relatively small bump on the end of it and snorted it. The look on his face alone was enough for me to know this was gonna be a hella-trip. So he did the same for me, small bump on the file, and I snorted. This process continued 3 or 4 times, don't quite remember now.
I was sitting on his bed and he was looking out his window telling me to go over there. I cleared my sinus passageway and then it hit me. All it took was that drip down my throat. All of a sudden my head felt like it weighed a ton and it fell back and slammed against the wall. 'Come look at this' J said. 'I can't.' and that was the truth, I couldn't. With more coaxing I drug myself over to the window. WTF? A chair. A blue freaking chair. 'Not cool man.' I said. 'No, dude, there was a storm and my big oak tree in the back was fucking tore down and split into pieces, but this chair, it didn't ever move.'
Suddenly, it was cool. It was awesome, how could that have happened? All of a sudden I realized how much power one small thing really has in the universe, not just the chair, the chair is only the beginning, the chair is just the basic thought, we are the real subject. All the forces always pushing against us, everything that seems so much bigger than we are, bigger than life, bigger than what we can handle, but it's not, we handle it. We just keep going, through all the storms. Fuck that was an interesting thought.
Then he laughed. Just laughed, I assume he saw that I realized what he was talking about. He looked at me, 'You feelin' it?' A nod of the head did me justice. I felt it alright. The tingling feeling all through my body. Like my body weighed more than it could really hold up. Gravity was the strongest force at this moment, begging my body to give in and lay down. Somehow J ended up sitting on the edge of the bed and I was standing in front of him. It was then we realized we needed to call his brother and tell him what we had done with his stuff.
J called and started to try to explain, while I was fascinated by the lime green color of his walls. They just became brighter and brighter and I was getting dizzier. The only thing that sucked me out of this trance was J saying, 'What do you mean it's not coke?' My knees hit the floor. What had I just taken? Heroine? Great, the one drug I said I'd never do, and I had done it. My mind wouldn't stop. 'What is it? What the fuck is it?' You know, the funny thing is, I don't think I really cared. I mean I did, and I wanted to know, but I didn't really care. I was kettin', I didn't know it, and I didn't care.
J hung up the phone and said his brother told him not to touch it, that it would kill him if he took too much, that it wasn't coke. 'Well, what is it??' The suspense was killing me, it seemed like it had been an eternity since the first bump. 'Something that starts with a K, I don't remember. All he said was it was like, a horse tranquilizer.' Ok, not quite thinking right here, my mind seems to be in another world somewhere, and I'm trying to come back to reality and remember what a tranquilizer is. Here's an extra for you, I want to be a veterinarian, I have all my life, I know all there is to know about animals, and I couldn't think of what a tranquilizer was.
'The stuff they use to kill horses!!?' Whoa, well, I was close. We both sat there for a minute staring into each others empty eyes. There were 2 bodies, alive and breathing, but where were the souls? Not in the capsules that's for sure. They were no longer being bound by limiting bodies, our minds were free, floating. Then a response. 'No, it just makes them go to sleep.' 'Yeah, forever!' Again, an attempt to fully regain reality, but not quite close enough. 'Are we gonna die?' There it was, reality. Death always brings me back to reality, perhaps because it is the threat of taking me away from reality forever. This was not how I wanted to go, shaming my God that had loved me for so long. Then, a much needed response:
'It'll be fine, me and C* did this last night.' (*Again the paranoia overcomes and I chose not to use real names.) Well there it was, proof that I'd live. Then as suddenly as it came it was gone, no more reality, no more fear of death, I was reassured. It was a weird place to be at in this moment, my mind. So many weird emotions that I never really fully understood, and there I laid on the floor, having gone through so many emotions in so little of time, but of course time seemed an eternity.
My head hit the floor, and I laughed. Here I was, in one minute afraid that my life was coming to an end, and in the next I was laughing with my face plastered to the floor. 'Ok. Let's go get some more.' J smiled, then erupted into hysterical laughter. I don't remember if we did or not, there's been many methamphetamines, beer-bongs, knife-hits, and sleepless nights since then, but that's another experience to submit I suppose. My brother was there, he was in the living room, and for some reason I thought it was time for him to go to sleep. Every step he took seemed so loud. Like he was just stomping around everywhere and the last thing we needed was J's parents waking up. I kept telling him to be quiet and go to sleep, so finally he did. Man, he was loud. I still don't know if it was just the drug or if he really was being abnormally loud.
We decided to play the video game, some basketball game. Well, that didn't work out very well. I remember sitting there with a controler in my hand sitting on the chair beside the couch J was sitting on. The game started. 'I don't know how to play this.' 'Just read the screen.' Yeah, ok, he makes it sound so easy. So I tried to read the screen. 'I can't.’ they were just jumbled up lines and curves. They didn't mean anything. They didn't form words in my head. J laughed. I think I did too, all I know is that the lines didn't make words anymore. There began the real game, philosophy. How do all these 'letters' make words and why do they make sense? Simple lines and curves, yet we make them into so much, words, sentences, stories, conversations.... HOW?! It didn't matter now, I had the ball and I had to figure out what to do with it. I think the overall score was like, 5 - 10. The next day J played the game with his friend and the score was somewhere around 60 - 80, just to let you know of the lack of motor skills we possessed.
I wanted more. 'Can I just get some on my fingernail? Just my little finger-nail? Your brother won't know anything.' I wanted it so bad. 'No! He'll kill me.' So I just walked back to the green room, but got side-tracked by the hole in the floor that I never knew was there. 'Dude, did you know you have a hole in your floor?' Again, laughter was his answer. 'Yeah, I know.'
Everything else is a blur. Perhaps not a blur, I just don't remember. Exact details aren't remembered after a ketamine trip. Only feelings. It felt so good. I laughed half the time, no matter what we were doing. The downfall, it only lasted about 1.5 hrs. Though it seemed like much longer at first. Sleep came with great ease and comfort. I usually have trouble sleeping, but not that night. Not after my experience. Things just didn't seem the same after that, especially not pot. You know, maybe this is what made my coke experience not much of an experience. I was expecting way too much from it that it couldn't give. Oh well, I think I've rambled enough, but what do I know? I'm finally coming down from a week long 'ice-capade'. Meth is my drug of choice, but Ket is a hella rush and makes me think 'outside the box' and stop trying to rationalize everything. Yep, that's all I got.
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