Citation: Rat. "Such an Intense Relationship: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp32227)". Erowid.org. Sep 14, 2006. erowid.org/exp/32227
My first experience with Adderall was in early 2003. My sister (she's pre-med psychiatry) made me her little guinea pig and told me to try taking one of her Adderall (she was diagnosed with ADD in fall 2002) to see if it made me feel any better because she really though I had ADD also. So, I took the 30 mg xr Adderall and just sat around for a little bit, not expecting anything to happen.
After about an hour I started to feel really good. I had motivation and was able to get a bunch of things around the house done. I also felt a very slight tingle throughout my whole body; it was great. It lasted about 10 hours, and once it wore off I had a bad headache, but that was all.
After that I wasn't really sure if I had ADD. Talks with my sister lead me to believe that I did, but the fact that Adderall had given me a recreational high made me think otherwise. From then until spring of 2003 I would steal a few of my sister's pills here and there, taking them occasionally as kind of a treat to myself, but never taking more than one pill, and spacing them a week or more apart.
In the spring of 2003 I'd finally gotten an appointment with my sister's psychiatrist. My sister had raved about her and I was really excited to have finally found a good shrink. At the end of my first appointment, she gave me a prescription for 10 mg Adderall and told me I most likely did have ADD. I still had doubts as to if I really had ADD, but I was relieved to have that prescription because I hated stealing my sister's medication.
Over the course of my next few appointments with my psychiatrist I said the right things (most of it true, but a few things bend here and there) to get her to up my dosage until after 5 or so appointments I was taking 30 mg xr daily. I really loved the Adderall; it had helped me a lot in school and it just made me feel good.
Then school ended and summer started. Me and one of my friends started taking the Adderall together fairly frequently. Since school was out and I had no homework or daily activities to accomplish, we would gorge on my prescription of 30 pills a month. On average we took about 60-80 mg, a few times taking around 90 mg or 100 mg. The effects were always 100% positive for me. I felt talkative, got a lot done, and felt happier about life. Coming down wasn't always the best; I hated getting headaches as it wore off. But, a few Alleve and I was fine. I had complete control over the spacing of the pills. I would take a lot one night with my friend, but then I wouldn't take any for a week or two, making sure to conserve my supply. I was always surprised at how I could take so much of it, then cold turkey for a week or two. I felt very in control, because I wasn't having any withdrawal and I wasn't experiencing any truly bad side effects. My friend, on the other hand, got a lot of stomach aches and used to throw up as she was coming down. She also would have massive difficulty falling asleep, even 12 hours later, when the Adderall had stopped working. This made me think that I probably did have ADD and that's why I wasn't experiencing anything unpleasant.
My friend ended up getting a boyfriend who is very anti-drugs, so she suddenly went straight laced and didn't want to take Adderall anymore. That was okay with me because school was starting and I needed my Adderall for that anyway.
Since then I've been having a very strange relationship with my Adderall. I still am nowhere near a physical addiction, but I haven't been taking it in a normal once-a-day fashion. I usually fill my prescription and take 60 mg xr - 90 mg xr right away, because by now my homework has built up and I'm planning on pulling an all nighter. Then, every 12 hours I'll take 30 mg xr until the day is over and I can go to sleep. I'm usually up about 36 hours. Binges like that have started becoming more frequent, and the past few months I've been amazed at how fast my prescription goes. I try to ration it out so it will last until my next appointment, but I usually end up without my Adderall for the last two weeks of the month.
I still am wrestling with myself over whether I really have ADD or if I just like stimulants, and I feel extremely guilty about it a lot. I have such an intense relationship with those little orange pills that I'm always trying to control and space and manage, and it's a part of my life that I have to keep secret from everyone.
In an hour or so I'll be coming down from a 90 mg xr dosage. I think I'm going to count my remaining pills and no longer allow myself to take more than one. I think I have about 10 left, and I won't see my psychiatrist until mid-April, so looks like I'm in for my usual dry spell.
I'm not sure what my motivation is in writing this. I guess I just wanted to tell everyone out there that Adderall is a really serious drug; I'm in a pretty rare situation, not getting physically addicted and not having any bad side effects. I strongly suggest that no one out there take Adderall unless they are seeing a physician and to always follow the directions on the bottle. It's worth the precaution.
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