Citation: BobTheBuilder. "How I Learned True Meaning of 'Psychoactive': An Experience with Morning Glory & Cannabis (exp30270)". Erowid.org. Nov 11, 2007. erowid.org/exp/30270
Introduction: I read a bit about Morning Glory seeds online, and decided that I wanted to try it. I bought about 800 Heavenly Blue seeds off online, and waited for them in the mail. About 5 or 6 days after that, my parents told me that they were going out of town for about 4 days or so. “Cool” I though, I could take advantage of this, and have a few friends over when I do this. I wasn’t expecting the seeds to arrive during this time, but I could still hope. A few days later they ended up showing up in my mailbox two days before my parents were due home! I was exited to say the least. Since my parents weren’t home, I could have somebody over, so it would be less likely to have bad trip! Or so I thought.
Two of my friends, Zack and Julie, came over the next day, and we decided to try them at about 4pm, which was a little while after we got home from school. I had decided that I didn’t want to perform any extraction method. Since it was my first time, I wanted it to be “natural”. Julie decided that she didn’t want to do it with us. She wanted to see how it affected us first. Zack and I ended up making another decision: We would spit the seeds and each eat half. I carefully counted about 376 seeds per person. This, to say the least, was a bad decision. We both greatly underestimated the potency of the seeds, and didn’t consider their very powerful effects.
After we ate the 376 seeds (not a horrible taste, but not that good either) we started to both feel a little sick. As I mentioned before, I wanted to make this as “legal” as possible, so I didn’t want to smoke any pot. I also wanted to experience the effects of the MG alone, without the mingling of other mind-altering chemicals. I drunk a glass of Alka-Seltzer to get rid of my nausea instead, but that didn’t work. Eventually, I couldn’t handle it any more, so we all smoked some pot in Julie’s car, to help us feel better, and wow, did it make us feel better. No more nausea for Zack and I, and we both felt happier.
We came back into the house, and we both noticed that we definitely felt weird. Like being stoned, but really alert, awake, and aware. I remember feeling even weirder when I sat down, or lied down, like my brain would suddenly engage, and start to notice all of the strange bodily feelings going on all around. About an hour later, I started to notice slight movements in the carpet and walls. Everything was tinted green and red, but it would change when I moved about. My thought process was starting to become active, but it wasn’t that bad. Just thinking a little bit harder than normal.
About 7pm, I remember being up in my room with my two friends, and I started to feel very self-conscious. I felt like everything I did, they perceived as me trying to show off. I kept trying to explain to them that I wasn’t being fake, I was just trying to explain how I felt. They didn’t know what I was talking about, because these statements were un-prompted. I didn’t feel like they understood me. Zack was having his own troubles. He had a confused look in his eyes, and didn’t seem like he could figure out what he wanted to do. Julie was just stoned, and didn’t really pay much attention to me or him. She just commented on how we looked: “You guys just stare off a lot, and say weird things…”
I began to feel very frustrated that they didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him. I started to feel very alone, like maybe no one really understood me. I felt like all of my friends and family that I’ve ever had didn’t really like me. Like they used to, but I had changed or something, so they were just hanging around, just holding on to what they used to remember. I became horribly depressed, and my stomach started to hurt like I was really stressed or worried about something. I kept telling myself that this wasn’t true, and that it was just the drugs, but my voice didn’t stand a chance against what I was feeling.
Suddenly, everything became too much. The lights were annoying; they made me want to cry, and my friends didn’t understand that I wasn’t feeling at all. I felt the most alone I have ever felt in my life. From this point, until about 9pm, I didn’t really notice that I was hallucinating out of my mind. Not real hallucinations, just everything was melting, moving, dancing, and flowing. Everything was colorful, but my feelings toward this changed with my mood. I remember being very depressed. More than I have ever been in my life. I had never felt such powerful emotions in my life. I was reluctant from this point on to tell my friends how I really felt, because I didn’t want to bring them down. I’ve never really been an emotional person. I’ve always been very rational, and calm, and I didn’t want to give up that reputation now.
I would just comely try to explain to them how I was feeling, but that didn’t work, so I would try little things to try to get them to notice, like look really sad, or make a sad comment, so that I wouldn’t have to just come out and tell them something depressing. I was trying to get at least one of them to say “What’s wrong Rob?” but they never did. In fact, I thought they were purposefully ignoring me so that they wouldn’t have to deal with my emotional baggage. This upset me even more. I though that my friends had truly abandoned me, and that hurt really bad. My stomach was so tight that I wanted to cry, but I kept telling myself not to, so I didn’t. I listened to some music to calm me down, and it really helped, but my thoughts just kept building up, until Julie went out to get Zack and I something to eat. I burst into tears and tried to explain to Zack how I felt. That did it, he was all ears. I finally felt like he was listening, and that felt good. I’d try to talk, but I’d get so chocked up, that I couldn’t.
Zack kept telling me that it was just the drugs, but I would just get mad, and tell him not to discount my feelings. I didn’t feel like it was the drugs. Any drug I had tried before always felt like I was on it. Things would move, I’d feel funny. I could just tell that I was fucked up. But this was different, there was nothing “fucked-up” about it. Because they were the type of emotions that I felt on a day-to-day basis, I genuinely thought that what was happening was real. How could you not think something was real when you felt completely normal, just really sad? I remember trying to rationalize how I felt, but again, my voice would continually loose over the powerful waves of emotions, and I’d start to cry again, and I would feel much better because I felt like I was “getting it out” and Zack was understanding. This started possibly the worst part: My endless rationalizations about everything.
I finally knew the true meaning of psychoactive. My brain was truly and utterly activated. I tend to be very analytical, and I still was, but just a thousand times more so. It started with me trying to figure out why I was having these powerful mood changes. Why was I feeling so good and happy, when a few seconds ago, I was so sad that I just wanted to go to bed and cry for eternity. I analyzed this to death. Desperately trying to figure out absolutely everything that came in to my head. Everything that I was sure about before this experience I questioned. Every time I’d get an answer, I’d question a part of that answer, and so on until I was just a babbling mess of a person. I was having so many questions and answers that I was becoming emotionally dizzy. I’d describe it as a really drunken dizzy feeling. Like when I drink too much, and I can’t keep the room from spinning, but it was all in my thoughts. No physical dizziness. I kept trying to figure “it” out, and I would try to explain it to Zack, but never seem to be able to succeed.
I was thinking so hard; I actually feared that I would crack. I thought “This is it. This is how I’ll be for the rest of my life.” I thought I would go crazy. Just an example of how I had no idea that it was the drug doing this to me. It seemed too real to be drug-induced. There was a time when I thought I figured out exactly how my mind worked, and how it was pointless to try and figure it out because it just wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes, it made me happy that Zack didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him, and other times, it just made me frustrated.
Julie came back with food, but I wasn’t interested. I just kept figuring things out. I figured things out about everything. From my life, and my brain, to society, and why people talk to each other the way they do, and why I talk to people the way I do, and how people try to manipulate the way someone else is feeling just by their tones and words, and much more. Some of the realizations made me extremely happy, while other ones made me extremely depressed. It helped to draw, and have Julie (who had no Idea what was going on) draw with me too. I felt connected to her through my drawings. Like I was explaining my feelings to her better through pictures than through words, and that made me happy.
She kept asking me why I felt the way I did, and told me just to ignore the bad feelings, but I couldn’t. They were just too powerful. Nothing I told myself had any effect. I felt like she thought I was just being stupid, and that she didn’t understand why I couldn’t control my mood. The mood changes would just come and go, and my thoughts would just change to adhere to whatever I was feeling. For example, If I was feeling happy, I would think about how much my parents loved me, and If I was feeling sad, I would think about how much of a total ass I was being to them, which usually made me be even more depressed.
These analytical thoughts and mood changes wouldn’t go away, even when it was time for my friends to go. Luckily, I felt at the time that they truly cared about me. Zack was worried about me and said that he’d call when he got home. They left at about 9:30pm, and he called me about 15 minutes later. Once the house was empty, I began to feel really good again, until Zack called, and asked how I was doing. I told him fine, and the conversation mainly consisted of me trying desperately to convince him of something that I had figured out, but I could never do it. All that came out was “…yeah… but about that I think… yeah”. I could never adequately explain myself.
I eventually got off of the phone with him, and tried to go to sleep, but I was thinking far too much. There was always something that I thought that I had to do before I lied down, and when I did it, and lied down, I’d change my mind because of my endless thinking, and change whatever I did, and try to lie down again. After a bit of lying down, my endless thoughts seemed to die down a bit, and I began to notice all of the overwhelming hallucinations. Everything was moving so much. My kitchen was melting, and lights were spinning. The whole night was just too much for me to handle, so I closed my eyes, and went to sleep.
I woke up to my alarm (apparently I had set it the night before, for two hours before I had to leave for school [thank god]). There were no more hallucinations, but I felt a little detached, and a little depressed. Getting ready for school was a major challenge, because it seemed like there was just too much to do. In reality, there were only a few things, but the analytical part of the drug was still in me. I’d try to analyze what to do first, second, etc, find a problem with that method, reanalyze, and start doing it. Then I’d reanalyze again, and start over doing it that way, but it was not long before I changed it again. I’m glad I gave myself two hours to do everything beforehand, because I wouldn’t of made it otherwise.
After an extremely frustrating morning, I was relieved to find my car had been left outside of the garage, and it was frozen shut from the night’s frost. I would have to take the bus. That was one less item of responsibility that I would have to worry about. That entire day was filled with too much thought, and small, residual mood swings. I got home, fixed up the place, and went directly to bed. I was too tired to even think. The only problem was, this was the day that my parents got home, so they were kind of worried about me when they saw me in bed at 3 in the afternoon. They woke me up to say hi, and asked why I was in bed. I told them I was tired, and they seemed to believe me. I was really happy to see them, and my mood was lifted for the rest of the day.
Conclusion: This drug is VERY powerful, and I suggest not underestimating it, and taking it slow, and having a friend with you, if it is your first time, because you don’t know how it will affect you. Have some relaxing, enjoyable music around just in case. My experience was frightening. I thought I could handle it before I took it, but I didn’t take into account that I may not know that it was the drug making me think and feel the way I did. I feel a little depressed now (2 days later), but I’m not crazy like I though I would turn out to be. Be careful if you decide to mess with this, or any other type of psychoactive, because they truly do activate your psyche.
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