Citation: Maui. "Self Catheterization Ouch: An Experience with Urine Testing (exp29792)". Erowid.org. Jan 6, 2004. erowid.org/exp/29792
First off, I am on parole in Pennsylvania. I give urine samples twice a week, including today. I wanted to do a little bit of recreation, so I got balsy and attempted self-catheterization to pass my test. I had a full serving of my own urine frozen from about a week prior, which I knew was clean. I took half of it and put it into a 2-Liter bottle. I then put in the microwave until nearly boiling to kill any bacteria, etc. I took the lid to the 2-Liter and bored a hole on it the size of the slender portion of the catheter (I bought the catheter for $2.00 at a specialty drugstore). I slid the catheter through the hole from inside the cap until the thicker base was snugged into the hole. Next I rubbed Vaseline all over the catheter and inserted it into my penis.
It was very uncomfortable, but not as bad as expected. There was the sensation that the holes in the tip of the catheter were scraping my urinary tract. When it reached the prostate there was the overwhelming sensation of having to urinate. I gave in to this feeling, pretended I was taking a piss. Upon release, the catheter slid through into the bladder. I knew it was properly inserted for two reasons:
1) The scraping sensation ceased for the last length of penetration.
2) All fluid that was in the bladder was involuntarily expelled from the base of the catheter.
I then screwed the 2-Liter bottle onto the lid through which the catheter passed and turned the bottle upside-down. I squeezed the bottle firmly until all of the clean urine was injected into my bladder. Then I pinched off the catheter to prevent it being ejected back into the bottle by my bladder while I slowly pulled the catheter out and willed to cut off the flow urine. Without pinching the hose there is quite a mess and a lot of wasted [clean] urine. The only thing that really concerned me was the new urine being produced before the sample was given. I tried to alleviate this by drinking A LOT of water in the 2 hours before I donated. This, as anyone who would bother reading this should know, would dilute the urine almost to plain water. My sample, given 45 minutes after the catheterization, was on the verge of being diluted! And since my last use (heroin) was only 16 hours prior to sample, I am concerned that even that much material was released into the cup, no matter how dilute it was. Also, it burned to urinate, and it seems it will for about a day. There was a faint pink burst as I started urination that may have been traces of blood. I am not a registered nurse or medical professional of any kind, so I am not sure I did anything right. I am not even sure the catheter was the right size. It was an 18' red-rubber hose that looked to be about 3/16' in diameter. There was no balloon.
Another concern is Urinary Tract Infection. I was willing to take the risk to avoid 9 months in jail. If I don't write back by Saturday I've probably failed. Otherwise you'll get an update sometime Friday afternoon. I had also asked a question at 'Ask Erowid' within the last few days about Oxycontin and urine testing. I can't afford a donation AT THE MOMENT, but any help would be appreciated in the near future. And I am more than willing to share any experiences I've had.
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