Citation: ThrowawayKid. "Speedy, And Then Some: An Experience with MDMA & Lorazepam (exp29652)". Erowid.org. Jan 2, 2004. erowid.org/exp/29652
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| T+ 0:55
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| T+ 6:30
||Pharms - Lorazepam
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| T+ 7:00
||Pharms - Lorazepam
||(pill / tablet)
New Yearís Eve was approaching, and although I do enjoy my usual laid-back family celebrations, I thought I could go for a little more excitement this time around -- courtesy of the MDMA which I had recently obtained.
Although Iím somewhat experienced with stimulants (mostly ďdivertedĒ pharmaceuticals) I had never tried ecstasy before. It seemed that I could never find a good time to use it Ė my expectations of it were high enough that I didnít want to ďwaste itĒ on any old ordinary day. New Yearís seemed the perfect occasion to try it for the first time.
I had it on reasonably good authority that the pill was, in fact, MDMA, so I was fairly confident that the experience would be more or less what I expected, and although it was New Yearís, I didnít want to cloud the experience with alcohol. I decided to snort the pill, simply because the very acts of getting out the straw, cutting the line, etc. are enjoyable to me Ė Iíve effectively been conditioned to enjoy that stuff, as itís always followed by euphoria...But I digress.
I figured out my timing (I know it seems anal, but I like to plan things.) Iíd test the waters by railing about one-third of the shit at 9:15-ish, and depending on the results of that, do the rest of it about 45 minutes later.
Here goes. (Iíll write this in the present tense Ė it makes it easier to describe.)
T=0 (9:15 PM)
Little line, ĺ of an inch or so, right up the left nostril Ė ahh, thatís the stuff Ė I can feel myself starting to anticipate the effects. Drip tastes like hell. Even the act of snorting has already got my pulse up a bit. Iím excited to see what this will be like.
I think I feel something, although it might just be psychosomatic. Upping of the heart rate, wanting of a cigarette. I go outside for a smoke and yep, there it is, that extra enjoyment of cigarettes thatís accompanied most of my speed experiences. We go out for coffee and to go to the bank. Music is good, I like singing along.
Still slightly ďup,Ē but thatís all. Decide itís time to do the rest. Two more little lines, ahhh. Went to get some water Ė some slight cotton-mouth at this point. Iím offered cookies and realize that I have no appetite at all.
There it is! This high doesnít seem to ďsneak upĒ on you like a speed high can Ė it was more sudden. At this point, it seemed pretty close to a fairly-high-dose amphetamine high Ė endless talking, always needing to do something productive. My friends were watching TV and I found it hard to just sit around, especially when they wouldnít let me talk while they were watching. (I should mention, by the way, that my friends were sober and therefore easily irritated by my babbling Ė kind of a buzzkill.) I was smiling, laughing, talking, telling jokes, relating random anecdotes. You get the picture. I was up for anything.
Good shit. Soooooooooo happy. I couldnít stop talking if my life depended on it. Went out for another smoke, but this time went to a park and sat on the swings and sang. I notice some enhancement of the senses: it seems I can see more clearly; things that I hear seem brighter, cleaner and sharper but also mellower (if that makes any sense) and my sense of touch is affected: everything from the cigarette between my lips to the breeze on my face is pleasurable. Iím flying high, enjoying myself immensely, but with none of the jitters that come along with speed use. I can sing out loud and just enjoy the high. I never want to stop swinging and smoking and singing with the wind in my hair and the night so silent all around us. Life is perfect.
Driving around, looking for a restaurant thatís open this late on New Yearís. No luck, but itís fine Ė I donít want to eat anyway, but I do really want a smoke, so we stop. AhhhÖitís fucking bitterly cold, but itís OK. Everything is amazing. It feels a lot like a speed high, but with a tiny extra tinge of sensory enhancement that really improves the experience. Iím not getting any of the much-advertised empathy Ė likely because my friends are sober. The only thing even close to empathy is that I wish they would take some of this too Ė I want to be able to talk to someone about how good Iím feeling and have them know what Iím talking about. Not to mention that it isnít fun to repeatedly be told to shut the fuck up when talking is a truly pleasurable experience.
We end up at a Pizza Pizza. I wish we could drive around all night Ė Iím singing along with the music, and the comfy seats in the car really allow me to lie back, close my eyes and realize how good life is, how amazing this night is, and how much fucking fun Iím having. Mmmmm.
Back at my friendís place to ring in í04. Her parents and some of their friends are there, and I can talk to them with ease. I have been noticing some mild teeth grinding/jaw clenching, which usually happens to me on speed anyway; Iíve almost come to enjoy it for some reason. I got some gum, though, and a drink of water Ė I still have cottonmouth (again usual for me.) My body temperature seems high, and when I look in a mirror, my face is really quite red. Still flying high, enjoying every minute, but Iím just past the peak.
T=2:45 (12 AM)
Happy New Year! Lots of singing, jumping, hugging, yelling, the usual. Past peak, but still feeling great.
Weíre bored. Eventually, we get on the internet and start signing my friend up for gift registries at appliance stores. I enjoy this, though, because I can talk, and help, and organize, and think of ideas, all of which are immensely fun. The only problem from now on is going to be keeping my brain in check. You see, I absolutely dread crashing (which stems from one particularly bad crash) and now I tend to get worried while I should be enjoying myself (ďUh oh, when will I start to come down? Maybe itíll be soon. Oh my God, I think Iím coming down, dammit, dammit, dammitÖĒ) and it just goes downhill from there. So the challenge for me is to keep my mind elsewhere. I realize that I have some speed on me which I can boost with if I need to (although Iíd really rather not) and some lorazepam to put me out. That calms me down Ė I know that I donít have to face a crash if I donít want to, and I relax. Itís always good to have some benzos or something on you whenever youíre using stimulants, because even if you never have to take them, you know that youíve always got a way out, a way to come down and sleep it off.
My heart rate is still through the roof. Weíre watching some movie that I donít understand, and Iím not making any effort to do so Ė even thinking about random things is fun enough. I still have real cottonmouth and Iím drinking lots of water. Iím kind of surprised that Iím still feeling positive effects Ė considering that I snorted it, I expected the duration to be on the short end of the 4-6 hr average time. Oh well, Iíll cross the comedown bridge when I come to it.
My friends went to sleep, and I want to sleep as well. I can feel the effects tapering, I feel mellow and happy still, but it sort of comes in gentle waves Ė an oscillation, if you will, between the remaining mild mellow euphoria and a sense of mental and physical tiredness. I realize how much I want a cigarette, but no way can I sneak out of my friendís parentsí house at quarter to four without one of her dogs waking the neighbourhood. I take 1mg of lorazepam in an attempt to bring me down a little bit Ė my pulse is still quite fast.
I feel a slight heaviness in my limbs, but not drowsiness, and my heart is still racing. I take another 0.5mg Ė I donít want to take very much because Iím not going to end up getting much more than three hours of sleep, and I donít want to be a zombie in the morning. At this point, I believe that if I were to just stay up, the crash wouldnít be that bad Ė just a lessening of effects, and the resultant disappointment. But no Ė I need sleep. Iím still a little ďup,Ē though Ė Iím sick of lying here doing nothing Ė I want to at least read a book, or check my email, or anything. I force myself to lie down, try to stop thinking entirely (not easy!) and try to sleep.
It took me until 5 AM to get to sleep, and when I did, I drifted in and out, dreaming weird dreams. When I woke up at 7:30, I wasnít sure that I had slept at all Ė the dreams seemed so strangely realistic. I needed a smoke and a coffee more than anything else in the world, so I threw a coat on over my pajamas and went out to the nearest coffee place (luckily it was open.) I felt heavy from the lorazepam but my heart rate was still quick Ė weird! It felt a bit weird to walk at first, but once I got out in the cool air, it got easier. The introduction of two cigarettes and a large black coffee into my system did me a world of good, although I still felt a little heavy, clumsy and a tad drowsy.
The drowsiness continued the rest of the day, but it was an enjoyable drowsiness, mellow, I settled into bed with a Calvin & Hobbes book and felt great.
Overall, my first MDMA experience was an excellent one, and one to definitely be repeated in the future.
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