Citation: Germ. "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp29420)". Erowid.org. Nov 27, 2006. erowid.org/exp/29420
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This weekend changed my life. A, M, B, J, and I drove to Eastern Washington to stay at B's luxurious and spacious cabin. I would talk about the car trip (dinner at a grocery store, the dark and foggy pass, random conversations), but I want to write down the weirdest experience of my life.
Instead of driving home in the dark after a day of skiing, we stayed another night. Around 7pm, we ate frozen pepperoni pizza...with mushrooms. J supplied the mushrooms. B and I laughed off our nervousness, finished our pizza, and waited for the effects. After half an hour, I still hadn't noticed a change, and joined B and J to smoke a bowl outside. I walked back in, sat on the couch for another ten minutes, and slowly, I went down the rabbit hole.
The Beatles' White Album helped, and I stared up at the lights, feeling the warmth flowing down. But, throughout the trip, I kept worrying about having a bad trip, and that only helped inspire bad feelings. The album ended, and Jimi Hendrix took over. But instead of grooving, his distortion started scaring me. I heard his voice take on a satanic whisper. The plants really affected me...a drooping plant and a cactus. When I'd start feeling uncomfortable, the plant looked like death and the the cactus seemed threatening.
I moved to the kitchen. I'd read that if you feel any hint of a bad trip, you should switch rooms or change the music, or talk to someone you trust. I told B to talk with me in the kitchen. That's when the living room broke off. We were in our own world, trying to describe everything, and we couldn't put it into words. Actually, I couldn't stop talking. So many thoughts were sliding around, and I couldn't stop rambling. B seemed calm. We forgot who and where we were. We looked at the clock. Two hours had passed. It felt like 5 years had passed. B said 'I think it's because...' and as he said the BE, I heard a bee buzzing on my shoulder. But it went away.
Throughout this, A and M tried fucking with me...and it really fucked with me. It was subtle, but extremely effective. I completely thought they were going to kill me. Their dark clothing and hoods enhanced the evil I felt they embodied. I looked over at them from the kitchen and their room represented death. The drooping plant and cactus, and their stares, and the darkness. A joined us in the kitchen and I thought it was the Grim Reaper. So, I had us dance to fight off the feelings. But when M walked over, my whole body went cold. I finally walked back in the living room, had them change the music to Sponge Bob, and stared at a quilt on the wall. The quilt's patterns were hypnotic, and I saw shapes and hearts and felt relaxed. But, A looked at me and said 'fall' and I dropped down and had B come with me to another room.
I started telling J how my preconceptions over all these years started taking effect. After wondering throughout high school and college what would happen, I wasn't sure if the effects were real or came out just because I anticipated what I would feel. Like, spiders. I'd read about and feared seeing and feeling spiders, which made me think about them occasionally and make it worse. So far, this doesn't sound like an enjoyable experience. And I admit, I kept flipping from euphoria to trepidation that a bad trip was coming on and back again. But then I went to help B clean his glasses.
We walked into the bedroom, and I noticed a mirror. That's when things went beyond anything I could imagine. We saw two different people on the other side of the mirror talking back at us. I was talking to B's reflection and he was talking to my reflection. It seemed like we were all sitting around a table talking. And we thought it was a passage to another Universe. Then things became totally clear and we both reached into the mirror and there was no separation. That was the most bizarre thing I've ever experienced, ever.
The separation from reality grew further. Time meant nothing. We were separate from time; like we could look down at the timeline of our lives and felt like we were in a bubble above it. Our memories were streaming in front of us, but they were all in a single image. I remember telling B that this must be like the second your whole life flashes in front of your eyes before you die. I had been worried about discussing death, but everything just made sense. We decided to look at a different mirror, so we went to the bathroom.
Once we closed the door, we entered a new world. Skiing was a distant memory from years ago, eating the pizza felt like years ago. And not only in time, but distance. The living room felt lightyears away. We talked more about death, and thinking that we were already dead, but in that last second phase where our mind remembers our life. That we were just a memory from our already lived life. Then we saw more reflections of us in the shower stall, and wondered if we were just reflections of ourselves. I looked at my pupils and saw more reflections, and started contemplating infinity.
It sounds so cliche to talk about these philosophical topics while on drugs, but things seemed so clear and real and beyond anything my mind could contemplate. I couldn't stop the constant stream of thoughts. I stared at my face, and I slowly became my father. I was my dad looking at myself in the mirror. When I talked, I felt separate from my voice. It was like watching yourself on videotape...where you're watching a whole different person and there's that distance. I saw myself from outside of myself.
We stepped out of the bathroom, and left that world. People were going to sleep and I felt it wearing off. I laid on the couch and pictured myself on the beach on Lake Michigan, watching the sunset with my Uncle Ricky. Then I went through my childhood in California. Relived so many memories that I'd forgotten about. I remembered back when I was about 2 years old, and my mother. I tried to go back to my birth, but they were wearing off too much. I was a little worried about falling asleep...not knowing what my dreams would be...but after an hour, I finally drifted off.
While we were in the bathroom, I'd told B that once we wake up the next morning, it would feel like it was just a dream. And it does. But at the time, it seemed incredibly clear. It wasn't like being drunk or high...where you're still conscious of your bodily state. No, there was no separation like that, I was in the NOW. I couldn't remember who I was, my whole identity, who I was before. It's incredibly difficult to describe in words. Words didn't even mean anything. I saw the spelling of the words flow out of B's mouth.
I'm not sure what to think right now. That was truly a spiritual experience. Not a drunken stupor or a funny high. It was seeing things so clearly. Trying to understand time, and space, and identity, and the brain, and God, and death, and life. My thoughts had been jumbled and sporadic in the living room...very unsure and scared. But looking in the mirror concentrated everything into one truth. It was like the penny spinning around the funnel and finally falling into the hole. The tallyman took me down the river, and that trip showed me so many things I never knew were possible.
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