New, Vintage, and Signed Blotter Art
Contribute $50 or more and get a piece of displayable
blotter art. These look great framed on the wall !
Still Recovering
Citation:   Dotcom. "Still Recovering: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp29248)". Nov 4, 2007.

0.5 g   Methamphetamine (daily)
Ive been in recovery from all drugs, specifically crystal since 01-17-03. I abused crystal on a daily basis for about 4 years. In these past 11 months, I have learned a lot about recovery.

The first month without crystal was hell. I could not sit in a public place or go anywhere without feeling paranoid. I experienced homicidal thoughts and feelings. I obsessed about every little thing. I could not get my thoughts straight no matter how hard I tried.

The second month, I was able to go places with my mom, but was not able to venture out alone. I still couldn't shake the paranoia. My homicidal thoughts and feelings were growing stronger. Still obsessing, but recognizing it. Still very scatterbrained.

The third month I got involved with a recovery group. I had difficulty sitting in the group without freaking out, but was able to handle it. I felt everyone there was out to get me. My homicidal thoughts were beginning to be less frequent, and I began dealing with my anger. My obsessing was getting worse, it seemed that I couldn't control it. I was becoming more scatterbrained due to my obsessing. I couldn't get anything done unless I felt it was perfect.

The fourth month, I started feeling more comfortable with my recovery group and was able to go places alone. Only a few fleeting homicidal thoughts. My obsessing reached its peak, and I had to seek help.

The fifth month I was going regularly to recovery meetings and the haze was lifting. Still a few fleeting homicidal thoughts, and feelings of suicide began to surface. I was beginning to get a handle on my obsessions.

The sixth month I was beginning to feel normal. No homicidal thoughts, lots of anger though. Pondered suicide. Still getting a handle on my obsessions, but becoming more organized at work and home.

The seventh month I felt alive for the first time. I still had a lot of anger, and was very uncomfortable with myself, but I could face reality. Suicidal thoughts passed. Started sharing about my feelings. I was able to work on work and home projects efficiently.

The eighth month my body was really healing. I began anger management techniques and became able to control my reactions to my emotions. I was able to stay busy for long periods of time without losing my focus. Some obsessions began popping up again, but I was able to recognize them.

The ninth month I felt a void. Suicidal thoughts emerged and I lost all control of my emotions. I seriously thought about using again, but decided not to. I floated through this month, tired and sick in the mind.

The tenth month I began recognizing my maturity. The crystal did a lot of damage to my brain, so it was a miracle that I am now as well put together as I am. No more suicidal thoughts. I'm able to control most of my obsessions. I'm getting more and more organized. But my brain is still healing, so its a real challenge. Ive noticed severe memory loss, both short term and long term. Thats a new development. Hopefully I can salvage whats left of my crystal ridden brain and continue moving forward to month 11.

I don't recommend crystal or any other mind altering drug. It's not a 'spiritual' experience, or an amazing 'sex enhancer', it's death. Even though I'm still alive, I'm not really. What I had prior to my drug use is gone. Now I'm left with this empty shell of a brain, and some hope. Hope that I can still be a bright young person with a future. And by staying clean, I can.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 29248
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 4, 2007Views: 22,964
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Methamphetamine (37) : Health Problems (27), Addiction & Habituation (10), Post Trip Problems (8), Not Applicable (38)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports copyright Erowid.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download or analyze the report data without first contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults