Citation: Virgin. "Mixed Feelings: An Experience with LSD & Nitrous Oxide (exp2921)". Erowid.org. Dec 16, 2001. erowid.org/exp/2921
It was the night of a promo-party for an upcoming movie based on the rave and dance culture. My friends and I decided to go and check it out since it was so near by. Prior to leaving my friend's home and going to the party, two of my friends thought that it would be interesting if we were to take a few drops of acid to make the night a little more interesting. I have never done acid before and was going through a tough and emotional situation so I decided 'might as well.'
I have never researched on acid before so I trusted in my experienced friends that this will be a gauranteed, enjoyable time. One of my friends gave me three blots on my fist and not knowing what to really do with it, licked it before it spilled off my hand. *Note that my friend had already sucked a couple of balloons of nitrous that night so the drops that she gave me weren't so precise. I did get three drops but I can imagine that those were 4 to 6 drops in actuality.
It was between 11 and midnight. I drove us to the parking area and was not yet feeling a thing. We arrived there to only find that we cannot get in because it has reached its maximum capacity. I didn't seem to mind because I found myself being content with just standing there outside and hearing the thumps of bass on the wall. We decided to go back to the car and drive back home. I was still able to drive because I wasn't feeling it just yet.
We got to the house about an hour to an hour and a half later from the time we first left to go to the party. At that time I still was not feeling a thing. My friend suggested taking a toke or two of nitrous. I was definitely doubtful just because of the things I've heard about it and its effects. I was still in a droggy mood so once again I thought 'what the heck.'
For the first three times I just did not know how to get that high off nitrous. Finally, after one big balloon, I got that ringing in my ear, my head began to feel numb, and I saw all lines and shape ripple between each other. Yet, I didn't seem to be too fond of it. Seeing things become like jello was not enough for me. Having done ecstasy before, I expected more from it and it just could not compare to e, my drug of choice. I had rather preferred to feel something than to see something. But it did not make me dislike it and I could not really judge it. Instead, I just did not take anymore and understood what others saw and respected the reason why they would like it.
So obviously, I was not really into this whole visuals thing. Boy, did I not expect what I was going to go through!
I decided to just lay on my back and wait for it to come over. As soon as more visitors came, I sat right up to greet them and an unusual sense of whim draped over my brain. I then decided to just sit back down and lay my back on the wall. A first timer was with me as well but he seemed to be more active than me. I did not know the visitors very well and decided to just be to myself and watch.
Everyone just seemed so flamboyant and I could hear and see what each person was involved in: one group was doing this, those two were talking about that, this group is mingling with that group--things were just happening, man. I felt like I was watching a movie and it was a big ol' drama. My perception also became slow and it seemed like I was watching takes and film stills. This was about two hours after I knew that it has taken over me.
Many times I felt the need to go to the bathroom. The first time I went, I realized that I just got my period and that bothered me a lot. I couldn't even feel like I was peeing--I could hear it but I couldn't feel it. As I was leaning I felt like I was one story high from my feet. I thought, 'Weird, interesting.' *I for one am the type to observe and take note of things when I am under the influence. So throughout my experience I was observing and analyzing.
I went back to my spot on the sofa bed and continued watching my 'movie.' Knowing that I was on my period I was also conscious of whether or not I was 'spilling' and I was constantly feeling embarrassed.
For the most time I felt numb. At times I felt my cramps and then it would go away. And at times my stomach felt like it was turning or being squeezed. At those times I knew I did not want to be on this drug. I thought, 'I like to feel things...good things for that matter. Not not feel things and be a spectator.'
At times I thought that I had a revelation to some great and oh-so-important question--so did my first-timer friend. I still don't remember what the question was or what the answer was to it. But somehow, everyone knew that answer and that question along with us and even teased us about it. Everything also was just like deja vu. Example: Didn't he just go through that door already? and Didn't we just answer this question?
One very memorable moment I have was when I guess I blacked out for a bit and then suddenly sat up and thought the girl across my way said that I had a pretty bracelet. I then kindly said thanks and said that a friend of mine made it. Right after I said that, what I saw changed. That film still of what I was just interacting with fell down like a curtain and the real thing was the film still of the girl looking at me with a confused and 'what the hell are you talking about' look. After that I slid back to my spot by the wall and vowed to never speak or interact again.
About 5:30 in the morning, in the background all I heard was my friend say 'all of a sudden it becomes day.' Then and there I was staring out of the window and what I saw, the street lamps and dark sky fading out, sunrise fading in and then out, and day light fading in, merged all in one moment. I thought that my friend was a god or some shaman for that moment. Right then something clicked in my head and I perked up and thought it's time to go home.
I asked if it was safe to go home and such and my friends just said, 'Drive. You'll know what to do. If you feel unsure about it just drive back here.' They were very experienced with acid so I trusted what they said. And I wanted to go home and that's all I was sure of.
I got up and felt higher (that one-story high feeling) than normal. I walked out and I could hear every rustle of leaves, dew drop, and wind blow. As I got to my car I could imagine a theme song to my life in the background, that is, as if it were a TV show.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I got into my car and let out a big sigh of relief. I had a big ol' smile and felt like I was starting anew or like as if I was just starting the day and am off to work. In my car I knew that my perception was distorted. Three-quarters of what I saw, from the upper left to the upper right and to the lower right of my picture, looked like as if I was in a glass bowl while my lower left sight was normal. I couldn't feel the gas pedal but I knew where it was. I turned on the radio and it was 6 o'clock and the local radio station was hosting a show on drugs. What a conincidence I thought. As I drove, I sat there nodding and understanding just what they were talking about. I thought, 'Yeah, that guy who just called just does not understand' or 'I so know what you mean!'
I was somewhat afraid of my well-being because I knew that my vision was messed up and I could not really feel a thing. But with my driving experience, I judged that I would be fine taking myself home that's just 15 minutes away. I just knew to watch my speedometer and traffic lights. It was pretty much empty roads all the way and I depended on my sense of sight for the most part.
I got home and felt relaxed. I also felt guilty for what I had just done and was going through. It was real early in the morning and so my brother was still asleep. I did the usual as if I had just gone home from a rave--I took a shower. I knew that I was being cleansed but I didn't feel 'one with' the shower. I just knew that it soaked me. I dressed and went to bed to only find that I could not sleep.
Everything was breathing or morphing. It was only this time, 7 to 8 hours after I took my hits, that I began to really experience and acknowledge my visuals. But I was just not in the mood for it. When I looked into the mirror my pores were coming out and I looked old and worn out. My curtains were swaying and edges were rippling--just like my nitrous experience. My feet still felt like they were all the way down there, my stomach felt like it was turning and I was cramping. I decided to watch some television thinking that I would get bored and fall asleep. My stomach began to feel empty so I also decided to eat some cookies. The cookies were just brittle and too sugary for my taste at the time and decided that food was just not a good option right now.
Things were morphing and I couldn't deal with it. I went back to my room and decided that I needed to be productive. All the things that I was worrying about, school, friends, and family, I just wanted to forget about and move on. I began to think that I was wasting my time dwelling on those problems. So I wanted to do something and I just knew that occupying my time would distract me from my visuals.
I thought that I should leave because I definitely did not want my family to see me in that state. Whether they could tell that I was on something or not, I felt too guilty to be there. I also felt like I resolved my problems so I packed up and drove an hour and a half back to my dorm. Even while I was driving I was still experiencing that fish bowl perception (I always analogize it as if my soul was in a fish bowl). So I just told myself to concentrate and be aware of everything as I drove.
I made it to my dorm safely around 9 and I found myself to be alone because of the holiday weekend. I was feeling very lonely and I tried to consume myself with chatting on the internet, calling a friend from the other side of the country, and blasting drum and bass music and moving to it. When I sat in front of my computer I noticed my visuals would slow down. Things still morphed but not as much. I decided to put on a 'pyschedelic' screen saver to entertain me.
It was interesting but I just felt like a log. I later thought it to be a mind-dumbing thing to do and stopped looking at it. As soon as noon came, I went into my bed and tried my best to fall asleep. I eventually did and had a good 2 hours of sleep. Around 3 I woke back up and found other things to do: get my prescription filled and buy gifts for my close girlfriends and mother. I got back around 5 and thought that I should sleep again. Later that night I bought french fries and a smoothie. I didn't have an appetite but I just knew that I had to put something in my stomach. I wandered around the university village just observing, thinking, and wanting to talk to someone but I just ended back to my dorm.
Around midnight I was basically back to normal. From the last hint of visuals, which I think was around noon, to midnight I felt just being 'high'--like there was a breeze just going through my head. For twelve hours, I just felt relaxed.
So it was a tiring and overwhelming day. 12 hours of feeling the actual drug and 12 hours of post-feeling the drug. I was embarrassed of what I did and of some moments that occurred, but that is because of what I base myself according to my morals and beliefs. I was glad of what I did because I felt my thoughts to be relieved and went through a life-learning experience. I had that feeling that questions were answered but, unfortunately, I just could not remember the answer or the actual question to those lessons.
Overall, it was a tiring time. My brain had gone through so much and my body was up for such a long time. I was simply worn out and like they say, fried. After that experience I didn't feel the need to take advantage of things. I thought of how fortunate I was to have what I had and to go through what I have gone through. I was not as sulky or depressed as I was before.
My experience was traumatizing in that I went through this movie-drama and embarrassments. Yet it was also a lesson learned, in that I had a lot of things to think about and figure out. It was like a trip and a vacation from what I was going through and I had a chance to get my mind off of things.
Now, I just question and wonder how much those three drops really were.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.