Citation: Machine Machine. "Sex and Horror: An Experience with Cannabis, Salvia divinorum, Mugwort & Leonotis leonurus (exp29149)". Erowid.org. May 2, 2007. erowid.org/exp/29149
I rolled a medium sized joint of good quality weed and a mull-mix I bought from a store. The mix had Salvia Divinorum, Mugwort and Lions Tail in it. It happens to taste nicer than tobacco, so I've been using it to spin. In any case, it was half past two in the morning. I was extremely tired, but couldn't really sleep. Even though I'd been avoiding it, I figured that I may as well have a mellow joint, just a small one, to perhaps send me off to sleep.
I sat outside and smoked it, lookin up at the clouds over a steel-refinery on the horizon. They were red, and stretched out like a wolfish version of the Xenomorphs head from 'Alien'. I was feeling fine. Not high, not mellow, not even buzzed. I went indoors, found a clean glass and began to pour myself a glass of orange juice. Here, something began to happen, I felt as if I had been gently separated into two beings. One was me - regular, everyday me. The other was something else.
Something like me, but lacking in restraints or values. The standard me was pouring the juice, going through the motions, and I suddenly thought: 'My body is holding back the drug until I get to my bedroom. Then its all go.' My bones felt heavy, and for some reason, brown. They seemed to be receding into my flesh.
In any case, taking the juice and a chocolate bar, I went to my room, closed the door and put on a CD (Tom Waits-Blood Money). Five minutes had passed since I had smoked the joint. I figured that, while I was still awake, I may as well do some writing (I'm working toward a creative writing course next year). I got very little out, before I noticed some strange occurences. This is what I wrote, exactly how I felt:-
'The shadows are red. I am seeing a world in low frame-rate. Strobe world. I feel my hearts every second beat. A beetle crawls over my pillow. It jerks as it walks. I feel my heart clicking sharp inside my chest. I am still, and yet I move'.
That was all I could get out, insofar as how I felt, before the whole act became too difficult to continue.
I will elaborate: The world had separated itself into frames, and the background was flickering in this order: black/red/normal/miss-a-scene/black/red/normale/miss-a-scene
I wrote with a pen, on a small notepad. My head was very close to the stereo. I felt as if I was on speed, but speed that came and went with the beating of my heart. Every two seconds I would speed up, and slow down. There was a distinct pulsating in my face, and arms. I sat up, relaxed, and ate the chocolate bar. I could not taste it, but instead could appreciate its texture and weight. It was nougat, caramel, chocolate and almonds. I remember being concerned about choking, but enjoying the action nonetheless.
My mind was constantly looking for something to do, so I kept forgetting I was eating a chocolate bar, and moving about with my mouth open, chocolate hanging out, to find something to do. Eventually I finished, and realised that I was, in fact, extremely stoned. I lay on the bed, turned the light off and decided to think. The music became my train of thought, the vocals became my inner-monologue.
If you have ever listened to Tom Waits, (especially this album, and Alice) there are a lot of percussive effects, a lot of layers, and a strange textures developed. I think this was contributing to the speed-y nature of the trip, as every click and beat made the scene reset itself, like an internet page refreshing. The voice drowned away (replaced, as I said, by my own) and all I could hear was a constant beat (which faded away to give way to my own heartbeat) and a dry clicking, like an insect.
And here strange things inside my mind began to happen.
The regular version of myself receeded. The new and strange version came out. It seemed that I was only truly myself when I moved, when I engaged in some motor-related action. This new and strange version was frightening, indeed. I tried to think about peaceful and surreal scenes, gentle or erotic, but it (my new mind) added violent and disgusting things to it. I could not focus, as every thought involved blood, violence or some other disturbing idea. I shifted my position, so I could look at the white curtains that glowed with the streetlight. As I moved, I became myself again. Yet, as I stopped, the other mind took over.
I tried to think of sexual things here, feeling that perhaps the strange mental process would lend itself to particularly vivid imaginations. But for a long time, the scenes I arranged were consistently made disgusting and violent by my second mind. Strange, laughing faces of two-dimensional yellow, pyramids that were sentient, a race of triangular creatures with eyes and tiny black mouths... all manner of nightmarish things came into my head. A lot of things that wouldn't have regularly been disturbing took on new faces. I saw many pixellated graphics, in the style of old video games. Old characters (like the monsters in 'Boopin'') moved into my brain and ruined my thoughts.
Here, I think I realised the nature of my own mind... I think I realised the uselessness of fighting the somewhat twisted and unkind nature of my thought pattern. Perhaps - I thought - I am essentially a disgusting and foul person, and this will all come out in the end. Therefore, fighting it is an act of futility. Understand, that I have been questioning my own weight as a good person, as a moral and kind person... and seem to be finding myself wanting.
But eventually, shifting my weight, I began to lucidly picture things. And, erotic-natured as they were, they were extremely life-like. I pictured these things for a while, finding it difficult to focus without wandering. But a strange sensation arose. I felt that these things were actually happening, and my body began to react accordingly.
When I looked down, my... appendage, was about as hard and big as I've ever seen it. It was seriously an inch longer than regular, and just standing there shaking. Insane. Needless to say, I was amazed and impressed. When I came, it was an extended and reasonable orgasm, though my skin was somewhat numb. Somewhere after this, I found sleep.
Now, midday the next day, I am writing this. I can safely say, that I only just came down. When I woke up I was mellow, and I was stoned-ish until about 11.30- as if I had just smoked the simple, small joint I originally intended. Strange to think that a small joint gave such a heavy effect.
In any case, I hope I have succeeded in conveying most of what happened. It is difficult to recall, and to put into words the strange things that happened.
Buddha could not say what happened in the second of his enlightenment. Perhaps he too was stoned. Indeed.
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