DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Heroin

(freebase)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Unfortunately I came to understand addiction, by experience. About 6 months ago I first smoked black tar (balcky) (I have never shot up, just free-based). It was an amazing first experience. On heroine I feel good, not because something is making me feel that way. With weed paying video games or eating ice cream or music make me feel good. With heroine I intrinsically feel good, I feel good just because. I also tend to drift into what I can only describe as very encompassing day dreams. I noticed that I became talkative; I have had many great conversations. On Blacky I could have a debate or day dream about the wall with equal happiness. I do, however, become irritable. Loud music or a rowdy party is not a situation that will make me feel good.

I smoked a few times in as many months with no problem. Over the summer I started a job taking phone calls that I really hated. I started smoking to get high at work. When I was high on blacky the job wasn’t too bad. So I smoked more and more, I ended up smoking every day for two weeks. I was addicted and I knew it.

To fix the problem I took a week vacation, I visited my girlfriend across the country. During this week I went through mild, but still very uncomfortable withdrawal. For about 2 days I could not sleep, my stomach was very touchy for 3 or 4 days. The worst part was something I can only describe as darkness/pain coming from the very core of me. I don’t know that anyone that has not been through it can really understand what I am saying.

After my vacation I came back home and went back to work intending never to try the stuff again. About a week later I gave in and took a hit. From there it snowballed and three weeks later I found myself in a very ad place again. I was a heroin addict. That was three months ago. I have smoked every day since then. My day does not begin until I have a session. I have ruined almost all of my friendships and lied to the people closest to me. I have spent all of my money, lost my job, and failed my classes. My life was in ruins and I was but a slave to this drug.

I never thought that I would be an addict. That was something that happened to other people, to druggy with no ambition or drive in life. That isn’t me, a strait A student in high school and a 4.0 student in my first year of college. I was preparing for a body building contest and running marathons vice-president of my fraternity. I had a great girlfriend, house, apartment, job.....a great life. In spite of all of that, I am a heroine addict.

I have just begun to work very hard at quitting. I have a new job and my life is beginning to come back together, but what I have lost because of black tar heroine cannot be replaced.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 28820
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 25, 2007	Views: 10,465
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Heroin (27) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)