Citation: Meg. "Downward Spiral: An Experience with Cocaine (exp28310)". Erowid.org. Nov 11, 2003. erowid.org/exp/28310
||(powder / crystals)
I remember the first time I tried coke, or yayo as my now roommate called it. I didnt even know what it was, I thought yayo was a nickname for weed (yes I was very naive for a freshman in college). My friend warned me about the addictiveness, and said if I had an addictive personality not to try it, but I ignored her. The first time I tried it I felt nothing. I was so disappointed, this was what we all split 80 bucks for? But she told me that I had to try it again, cuz that was really bad coke...and so I did, and I loved it.
This was the beginning of the week before my birthday. The two of us blew almost everynight that week, ending with a celbatory gram for my birthday... and this was my downfall. For easter we went home for the sole purpose of getting good coke from boston, and I made some connections in my hometown.. All I could think about was coke. Julie was much better at controlling herself with it, where as if I had a gram I would do it nonstop until it was gone.
Over the summer I lived at school, but I would drive home (3 hrs each way) several times a week for the sole sake of buying coke. I babysat and worked all the time to get money for it... I got on good relations with my dealer so I could get better deals and such...everything I ever wanted was out the door for coke. My parents began to wonder what was going on when they got my credit card bills everymonth. I was spending between 700 and 1500 a month. They didnt realize it was becuase their precious daughter was spending all her money on drugs. I was spending 2-300 a week on coke. I was doing 1-2 grams a day. I couldnt believe that no one knew about it. I always did it by myself, because I didnt want to share, and I knew my friends would be pissed if they knew, not to mention how my parents would react. But I knew they didnt suspect anything, my parents were just happy cuz I wasnt as depressed anymore (because I was coked up everytime I saw them)Everything was going great.
But then it happened. My sorority sisters found out and told me I had to quit coke or I was out of the sisterhood. I Actually considered leaving my friends for coke, but decided against it, so that was it, I had to stop. Keep in mind, they told me this during rush week, which is the most stressful week of sorority life, and I was in charge of making it run smoothly. And I tried to stop, I really did, but I couldnt, so I kept doing it.
But a few weeks ago I realized that I have a problem with coke if I cant stop. So I did it, I stopped using coke, and since then I have been the most depressed, moody, bipolar, bitch ever. I know that this is the worst its gonna get, but I dont know if I can last without it. I havent been going out, cuz partying makes me think about it, Ive just been sitting in my room crying..Im so afraid that im gonna give in and get some more. I owe my dealer money, and I just know when I go to see him Im gonna buy more... and I dont want to...but theres nothing I can do.
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