Citation: palex. "Vanity of Vanities: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide (exp27380)". Erowid.org. Nov 23, 2003. erowid.org/exp/27380
I feel necessary to start my tripreports with an introduction on where I stand in life at this moment of time. The trip, and the report, are ways to gain a better understanding of my self. In this particular tripreport I point out some thoughts I find essential in this exploration. I donít want to offend readers too much with my point of view and I hope I donít give a too pompous impression of my selfexploration. In a way itís a building of words, fallible, trying to create a sense of recognition in some way or another at the reader.
Furtheron, english is not my native language, so I have a limited vocabulary. I hope you donít bother reading the same semantic constructs over and over again.
Most psychoactives have this property that itís use creates itís own point of reference, with itís own language, memories, emotions and so on. I think thatís because the chemicals all influence the the brain in a unique, though comparable way.
The first step in a psychonautic proces. How does your brain work? The machine becomes unveiled. I find this a very intens, sometimes extremely frightening proces. Itís like that kid having a good time on a fairy. Then it realises that the roalercoaster, and all other dreamcreating facilities, is just a machine. A sobering feeling, more often than not bordering to anxiety.
Every now and then, this brain / machine thing gives me a depressed feeling of disconnection or better ununity (I donít know a better word). This ununity opposes the feeling of unity, wholeness I usually have during tripping on the classic psychedelics. Itís a feeling of being disconnected with your present. For all is just a mental construct, an unpersonal and pityless reality. Yes, at such moments I feel truly ripped apart. Itís like in some shaman initiation, being broken apiece and later on rejointed.
In conjunction itís the personal history that has the strongest force to reestablish my self into my personal present; at the same time it has a slowing property in the psychonautic development. As Don Juan taught Carlos Castaneda that itís fear that is the first natural enemy. Itís the fear of losing my grip on life and itís usual structure, thus becoming insane. Serious psychonauts know that their work reaches that point and it asks for reflection.
But now for the nitrous.
I would consider myself as a rather experienced nitrous user. There are several reasons why. Itís easily available and it has an attractive cost / tripintensity ratio. To this day I do not know of a substance which equals itís speed of onset and brevity, although smoked salvia divinorum comes close regarding the first. Another mutual property is that both are a temptress that keeps a secret, that so idly keeps itself for the most part unveiled.
A big difference with salvia can be illustrated using a metaphor. I consider nitrous as some sort of amplifier. Although I have limited experience with salvia, I never would regard it as a amplifier. Where salvia switches on her own world, nitrous is as dull, or deep, or fucked up, lively, spiritual, depressed or whatever you feel, but rather think, on the moment it takes hold on you.
Itís a mental drug, hardly dealing with emotions. But one can encounter strong emotions like panic in case these are mentally induced. I mean, if I think of something frightening it gets bigger and bigger. Itís hard to keep my mind in control on nitrous. But usually it has the tendency to keep out of eery places.
Sounds take on a total different quality. They start to whobble, sometimes ending in one big soundwave, which gives the impression that time stopped. Maybe it does. Time is dilated anyway. Dripping raindrops sound orchestrated, all falling in some pattern. Winds wistles trough leaves, each tree making itís own sound. Previously unheard sounds are heard, some due to the incapacity to interpret, some truly novel.
Meditating on nitrous is a must, which is even better being high on THC. Try focussing on one thing. And keep focussed on one thing. Very hard, but very rewarding. All becomes one and you become one with it.
I have the impression that nitrous leaves a mental cloudyness for some hours, but it also generates a slight, almost impercivable motoric disalertness. Movement become slightly less coordinated, so it seems, and that stays longer than a few hours. I guess I huffed 100 cilinders over the course of 1 year; since I have to pay more attention to subtle, unaware kind of motoric actions. Nothing serious though, and it might as well be caused by other substances.
THC, GHB and nitrous hits hard. Itís a bit longer (as with THC) than plain nitrous. It feels a bit too intensive, bordering to toxic. But thatís merely my own gut feeling. I had glossolalia on this combo, feeling very euphoric, laughing hysterical. Time seemed to stop.
Nitrous while tripping is hilarious, amplifying the trip to immense intensity.
Usually I take the gas in a balloon, or a refill creammaker. When I take the first half of one cylinder some 20 seconds before the second half, the high remains longer and is a bit more intens. Two cilinders spread over 1 minute or so garantuees total depersonalisation, losing grip on the surroundings.
Another, unique property of the gas is that feeling that your a donkey, running behind a carrott bound right before your eyes. Nitrous plays a trick with you. Under a disguise of huge importance it shows mercyless how your machine / brain works: distracted, running in circles and for the most part empty. Maybe thatís why itís called laughing gas: laughing is the only way to deal with the vanity of life.
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