Citation: telex. "Long lasting liberation: An Experience with Ecstasy (exp2724)". Erowid.org. Oct 27, 2000. erowid.org/exp/2724
DOSE:
|
1 tablet |
oral |
MDMA |
(pill / tablet) |
I had a revealing experience with ecstasy about a month ago that still hasn't let go of me. I was with a couple people who I didn't really know at the time. We got ecstasy off a friend of a friend and decided to go out to a club and wait for the effects to come on.
This being all of our first times with ecstasy we weren't really sure what to expect. The only club we could get into was one that didn't really fit my 'social forte'? I _really_ didn't fit in here but was somewhat determined to remain optimistic because they say it's an impressionable drug. Nevertheless I was quite anxious, as I usually am in social situations, especially when I'm the odd one out. After a while of sitting back I realized I was fighting my urge to go out and dance. I went out on the justification that I was on ecstasy so I was allowed to do whatever I felt like doing and didn't have to be curbed by the rules anymore.
The payback was instantaneous. The longer I was out there the more confident I felt until I eventually came to percieve that I was, in fact, leading everyone. I felt guilty for a moment because it felt so bad to percieve myself as being better than anyone else; it felt evil and wrong. Throughout my whole life I'd been afraid that people would think I thought I was better than them. I was always embarassed by any sort of great accomplishment I had made because I had always been taught that 'pride' was wrong. This was all washed away forever. In an instant on the dance floor in the midst of people I used to be afraid of and music that was truely alien I made the most important introspective discovery I'll bet my life will ever have.
Ever since that night I've felt a similar freedom, not with the same intensity, but its there. Lots of people have commented on how much happier I've seemed. It's all reciprocal as well, the more people say things like that the better I feel about myself. I don't mean to preach ecstasy as a cure-all for your woes, but it's changed me for the better. There's no DEA bullshit that will ever convince me that ecstasy has no medicinal value - it's a worthwhile chemical that provides invaluable introspective power to anyone. Quite the bargain, actually.
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