Citation: Matty. "Simply Being, No Experience: An Experience with DPT (exp27143)". Erowid.org. Sep 26, 2003. erowid.org/exp/27143
I don't really know how to describe my experience. For one thing, describing any psychedelic experience is difficult, especially to naive people. And on the other hand, to have an 'experience,' there must be a 'self' present to have it. Paradoxically, the whole thing is rather simple.
In college a good friend of mine was deeply interested in psychedelics. When i met him i knew virtually nothing about the drugs, had never tried them, and would never even think about using them. I was naive, and like so many people, the idea of using drugs was reproachable.
It just so happened that during the week of spring break I came home and his order of DPT had come in that very day. I walked over to his apartment that evening, not thinking that i would ever try DPT that very night, but knowing that it was a possibility. His apartment was a studio, meaning very small, but well lit with soft lights and a cozy atmosphere. We discussed DPT and I read up about it in his decent collection of books. It was my decision to make and i wanted to make an informed one. Anyway, to cut to the point, after almost three hours of indecision and debate within myself, i bent down, took the rolled paper, and did my first line ever. Now you have to remember that at that point in time i had never even tried marijuana, so doing DPT was a major step and risk for me.
He had taken his 100 mg about an hour before me, and he was puking in the bathroom not long after (I was happy that i had very little in my stomache).I wiped my nose, settled down on the floor, and waited for the affects to transpire. The first thing i noticed was a change in light. No, actually, it wasn't quite a change in light, but rather, i was merely noticing the pattern of light thrown on the wall. This was about 10 minutes after insuflation. And then things started happening fast. I looked up, and the rectangular pattern carved in the door started popping in and out, which startled me. The field at the sides of my vision became blurry. My whole vision started to move and pulsate and do all kinds of things that i had only read about. I wasn't vomiting and had no other adverse affects, but quite frankly i was freaked out.
I sat there against the wall, wanting everything to stop, when suddenly i got stuck in time. I thought to myself 'This is never going to stop.' And if that wasn't bad enough, I continued my errors 'If its never going to end, did it ever begin?'
I stood up, tried to calm down, and went to drink some water. So at this point I could still function properly and take care of myself; that was a good sign. Where to go from here? i thought, and the obvious answer was to lay down and relax.
After laying on the floor, things in my memory become unclear as to what happened next. What is clear to me is that there was complete annihilation of any remnants of a 'me,' an 'I' with a name and a past and fears and worries and regrets and hopes and dreams. Let me also make it clear that this happened swiftly and without struggle. In one moment that 'I' was cleared out and swept away, with no shred of self left. There was no fear of dying or 'losing oneself', because in order for there to be fear, there must that me or I. Therefore, how do i call this an 'experience'?
I was no more: dead, gone, out to lunch. And I was replaced with (and this is the thing that is not very clear at all, and impossible to describe) pure energy. There was simply energy, and nothing more. I circumnavigated the earth countless times. Well, i was the world, and it was me. After peaking (about an hour and a half after insuflation) i do remember sort of 'popping up' into my body to make sure that it was not in trouble. I wear hard contact lenses, and i'm always concerned about losing them, so i never really lost contact with my body or awareness of my body's needs during the whole time. I was not unconscious.
Slowly, perceptibly, i floated back down, passed through a nice period of warm bliss, and came back into my normal, baseline state of being. And as i did, i watched my old ways and mental habits fall back into place, as i knew and expected they would. I was truly reborn into the world, and for awhile at least the environment around me was new, fascinating, almost surreal. From beginning to end, about three to four hours passed.
The next day i doubted whether or not what happened was real, or whether or not it was a true glimpse into Reality. My doubts were shattered when two weeks later i had the same 'experience,' although i didnt panic in the beginning. The second trip was nearly identical, except for the beginning and end. I ended the second DPT experience with an excursion to a club, but thats another story for another time.
What were the after affects? Before trying DPT, i sort of had a notion that i would somehow feel dirty afterwards. I can tell you that i never felt cleaner in my entire life. A thousand baths couldnt have made me feel cleaner. For the next week i was able to appreciate the birds and the trees and the bright blue sky on a higher scale than i ever knew. That experience affects me to this day, and not many days go by that i don't think about it. I have told few people, and very few would understand.
What do i think of it all now? A door was opened. A door was closed. I know that it will be opened again.
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