Citation: Xmichaelx. "My Time Has Passed: An Experience with Opioids (exp26830)". Erowid.org. Jul 7, 2006. erowid.org/exp/26830
I did not do any drugs until my senior year of high school ( I am now a sophomore in college). I stayed away from it for so long not because I was against it, and not because I was scared. Itís because that I was taught to believe that they were dirty and just plain wrong. On my 18th birthday, I moved out of my parents house to experience things for myself. It was almost immediately that I began to smoke weed and drink.
I began doing these things because I had a realization late one night that doing drugs does not make me a bad person, and most drugs are not immediately addictive, as the media/government would like me to believe. I wanted to experience these things for myself. To prove to myself that I could do these things and be fine.
I went to a lot of parties my senior year and started hanging out with a group of kids (as typical as this story is) that probably weren't completely healthy for me. We helped each other along in our desires to try different drugs. Soon enough, my drug use escalated from drinking and smoking weed, to taking pills and trying cocaine. This was all in the period of a couple months.
Then I made the biggest mistake of my entire life: I was introduced to the pleasure that was Oxycontin. I tried it for the first time from my brother. He gave me a little bit to see if I liked it. I didn't really feel it. About a week later, me and my two closest friends gathered some money together to buy a few 20's for us to do. I was told that we should snort them.
This was the first time I ever snorted a drug.
*enter: drug abuse phase*
It was the most beautiful feeling I could imagine. Completely numb and apathetic. Everything was fine.
For about a year and a half I did oxycontin. Not too often. I never became physically addicted. My use escalated to about once a week, $20 at a time (as opposed to $10 once every two weeks when I began).
Last October I got a girlfriend. A beautiful girl who made me incredibly happy. Everything was right in life. I did no drugs for the 4 months we were together, except she and I would drink together (quite a bit actually ). But in February of this year we broke up and I became very depressed and bored. I took to snorting Oxycontin again. I continued my abuse of this drug for about 2 months.
Then, the ceiling fell through. My best friend of 8 years, the friend I would often use with, bought a few bags of heroin off of my brother. I came over to his house and I bought 2 bags off of him. It was the first time I ever did Heroin. I snorted these 2 bags, reintroducing myself to the feeling that is opium. Heroin feels exactly the same as Oxycontin, only somehow 'dirtier' in a way. I have never injected drugs and never will. But I can't really say never, because when I first began drinking and smoking, I told myself I would never do heroin or cocaine. How things can change in 2 years time...
It was around this time that I found out my brother was a full fledged heroin addict, injecting several times a day, and injecting my best friend.
I came to a realization a few days later. A realization that I just had to stop. I just absolutely had to stop, forever. No more opiates. I could never do them again if I didn't want to become an addict like my brother. And believe me, I did not want that. I wanted to live a life for myself, not for my addiction. I wanted to accomplish things. I didn't want to spend all my money on a foolish drug.
I stopped. Simple as that (but no quite so simple as I will explain). I had no withdrawal effects, for I was never physically addicted. I had teetered on the edge of mental addiction, and believe I still do, and forever will. It is a price I pay for opium abuse.
It has been 6 months or so, and I am often given the opportunity to get oxycontin. Often, as in every moment of every day. It would be so easy to buy one pill. Just have fun for one night, right? It wouldn't kill me. I wouldn't be addicted. But that one pill would make me think that I could keep doing it and be fine. As well as increase the small amount of mental addiction I have to live with.
It's not easy, at times it is painfully hard to turn it down (and this is only with minor mental addiction, I can only imagine the terrifying struggle that people like my brother must go through). But I know, that I am a better person for not doing it. That I can lead a life. That I have money all the time.
But I sit back, and I watch my brother and my best friend of 8 years. My brother was recently in rehab, having been caught in the city with a few bags and a needle. He now has that on his record and will never be free of it.
My best friend continues to do oxycontin (and heroin when available, though both are essentially the same) and is not yet physically addicted, but is very, very close. He tried to stop a few months back, but relapsed after a month of being clean. I am worried for both of them. I hate to see them like this.
I hate to see my best friend fucked up, I hate when he becomes irritated at everything. I hate how he thinks no one notices. I hate how he nods off in front of my other friends. If he weren't my best friend, if I didn't love him so much, I probably wouldn't hang out with him, because of how embarrassing it is. But I stay, because I have faith, that as a person, he too will stop forever.
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