Citation: Pointman. "The Quintessential Substance: An Experience with Codeine (exp26325)". Erowid.org. Apr 18, 2006. erowid.org/exp/26325
Hello. I wanted to share with everyone my infatuation with the almighty Codeine Phosphate. Let me start of with a brief introduction.
I had always been interested in drugs. But always cautious. I remember when I would get passed various pain relief pills in class and I wouldn't take them because I feared getting sick off them. First time I tried LSD I only ingested half a hit. Pot is the only thing I can go all out with. I don't drink either, I hate alcohol. For the past few years I had been searching for the perfect substance.
Of course we are all different. We all desire different things when it comes to altered states of consciousness. Some desire wild visuals, deep spiritual trips, what have you. What I wanted most, was something MILD. I wanted a high, one that was impossible to 'shake' as could be done with pot, yet I wanted something that wouldn't put me in danger of a bad experience. LSD was out, I liked it but not enough to consider my favorite. I didn't want to go near coke or K, allthough I have been around it many many times. And marijuana really wasn't enough.
Anyway, one day I found Codeine. A friend had somehow acquired a bottle of 1000 tylenol 3's. It was a beautiful site. Anyway I was a little sketchy on opiates. However after doing alot of reading up and finding out Codeine was the most 'benevolent' of them all, I decided to just suck it up and try some.
My first try was 2 30mg pills while playing Quake2. Nothing. Maybe a slight calming of the nerves but that was it. 'This is bunk' I thought to myself. The next day I tried 3 pills.
This is when I realized the potential. It wasn't overpowering as I had only taken 90mg of codeine, but it was definitely there. And I liked what I felt. At first, I felt slightly off, like as if I had just woke up, or was tired, or something. Then about 20 mins after ingestion (on an empty stomach) it would start. A feeling in my chest that was kind of like being pleasantly surprised. Just an overall feeling of wellbeing. Also a little stimulation, as if I was getting a mild adrenaline rush.
And the difference in my game playing. Wow. Every step I took, every shot I aimed, was done with complete unwaivering confidence. I scored higher that game then I ever had in the 3 1/2 years playing.
Fast forward a year. On and off binges with codeine have made me very accustomed and comfortable with the substance. I now laugh at taking anything less than 6 t3's. I have now experienced the true potential of the drug.
When 6 t3's come on, on an empty stomach, the feeling is indescribable. Total calmness, wellbeing, content. I remember a quote that went 'The still mind is like the lake reflecting the moon'. I get this picture/feeling all the time on codeine. My mind is a totally smooth, undisturbed lake. No ripples, no wind blowing over the surface. Total peace.
I never get antsy, or manic, or anything on codeine. Everything is slow, and easy, and calm. And after the rush wear off there's the most delightful 'messed up' feeling. The rush is great but the 'afterglow' is what I had been after all along!
It's enough to make me stumble, slur my words, and stare at walls blankly. Yet not enough to make me feel bad in any way, no vomiting, no bad trips, no amnesia like with alcohol or alprazolam. This is what I was searching for all along.
It makes everything so.. much more entertaining and I feel really rewarded doing something as simple as watching a good tv show, playing PS2, or just staring out the window. I got totally sucked into fantasy worlds, such as final fantasy and summoner (playstation RPG games).
And I still played Quake. I feel the combination of this game and codeine to be close to heaven. The codeine causes some problems of course, it makes me a little more jumpy ingame, and a little less thought goes into what I do. But overall I like it. And when I smoke (pot) while under the influence, it is great. 3 hits will get me so stoned I cannot even finish what I packed/rolled. A heavy, sleepy, uncoordinated, mind-wandering kind of stoned that I love so much.
So fast forward to this summer. The bottle of codeine is of course gone now, and I quit marijuana after 4 years of constant use. Haven't done codeine in several months.
And it's available again. ^_^ First thing I did was try to score. I had enough money set out for 100 t3s. But the man only had 20! 20 pills! And I had to split this in half with my friend who also shares the codeine love. So I get 10 generic t3s.
I sit down in front of the computer. This would be a different experience. It's been months, I don't play Quake anymore, I don't have any herb to smoke and I wouldn't want to anyway (quitting was one of the hardest things in my life)
So I sigh, take 5 pills immediately at 11:40pm, and relax. Old habits die hard. I have my 'codeine food' layed out. Codeine food being anything that is easy on the stomach, small in portion like a snack, and requires no preparation. Traditionally for me this is a package of granola bars. To this day when I taste granola I instantly recall the dry mouthed, dettached, bleary eyed state of mind I am usually in when I eat it.
The codeine comes on REAL fast. 12 midnight and I am rushing. I get on a car forum I frequent and make some really stupid, blissed out sounding posts. I spend the entire rush reading every message on the board and posting something, I couldn't tear myself away.
Then I did what I knew had to be done. I dug the CD out of the heap of crap in my room and installed Quake2.
What a shock. At first I was having some good ol nostalgic fun, running around putting bullets in people and blowing them up. Then something happened which had only happened maybe once before on my beloved codeine. Only an hour into the high I got really upset, discontent, totally the opposite of what I had come to expect. Every time I caught a stray rocket or ran into a grenade I got extremely annoyed. Banging the keyboard and cursing. I don't know why. I had this terrible, sour feeling in my stomach. Not like I was gonna be sick, but just intense stomach pain. I ate another granola bar and drank 3 glasses of water, which just made it worse.
The next day I took a break. After an experience like that I was not willing to repeat it. But the day after next, I was eating the remaining 5 t3's and reinstalling quake. Go figure. This time it was even worse, in the middle of my rush which I thought was invincible, the angry, on edge feeling cancelled it all. I told off some people online, broke my optical mouse, and the reset button on my computer when it froze up.
For weeks I didn't understand. My perfect drug, the 'quintessential substance' had ceased to be 'all that' ! I had used codeine sometimes for 12 days at a time, with no problems other then some stomach discomfort and constipation. Now I couldn't even enjoy the come up.
But now it's all painfully clear. My absence from pot for the 3 or so months, my parting with all drugs whatsoever. I think I was angry at myself. The reason I quit marijuana and drugs in the first place was to quit holding myself back. I felt they weren't doing all that much damage, but they certainly weren't HELPING. Sure I could hold down a job and probably make a good life for myself while smoking pot and carefully dabbling with drugs, but imagine what I could do if I never did those things from square 1.
So after 3 months of total clearheadedness, and enjoying such a state, I attempted to force myself back into my old pattern. And my mind, subconsciously would have none of it. So much as to completely override the effect of filled opioid receptors! That is amazing within itself.
I learned my lesson. Either live on the straight and narrow, striving for the best in everything, or enjoy myself with various substances and place less emphasis on the real world.
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