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Woke Up in ICU
by D
Citation:   D. "Woke Up in ICU: An Experience with DPT (exp25872)". Erowid.org. Aug 5, 2003. erowid.org/exp/25872

275 mg oral DPT (capsule)


[Erowid Note: A friend of author contacted us after this was published and provided verifying details. Some evidence suggests that the author may have ingested even more DPT than they reported, possibly up to 500mg. It is our policy to try to verify any life-endangering adverse reactions which people report, where possible, and we are now satisfied that this occurred approximately as described.]

The first time I did DPT there was hardly any reaction. I snorted a small line and most of the experience was me gagging from the drip and shaking in a chair. I got minor hallucinations (tracers, carpet and ceiling movement), but nothing note worthy. A couple days later I went to my friend and insisted on taking some orally, to hopefully get a better experience. He warned me that the dose was higher when taken orally, and gave me two capsels of DPT. He told me to take one as a boost if nothing happened with the first. I considered, but, hoping for a more intense experience and thinking my friend, V, was being overprotective I decided to take both at the same time (250-350mg). I went to R's house and told him, jokingly, 'I took a lot, so you know, if I die, tell my mom I love her.' Did I mention that I'm a jackass?

Well, about an hour or more after taking them they took effect. A minute later it was as intense as the peak when I took a moderate amount of mushrooms. I immediately went into the other room and told R that I had taken too much. At this point I couldn't walk in a straight line. R called V and asked how much he gave me and told him that I had taken both. V got online and talked to a good friend who knew a lot about the drug, and who had tripped on it multiple times. At this point everything was colorful and nothing was standing still. I felt nauseated and tried to make myself vomit, to no avail. I really started to get worried.

Then, there was nothing.

I know now that I closed my eyes, but at the time I felt the whole world had suddenly left me. I felt that I had died. I had no concept of time, I thought perhaps I'd been in the nothingness for a year or two.

Apparently that year or two was only really a minute or two, and when I 'woke up' I realized I had some idea what was going on and I had to get to a hospital. R was trying to talk me through it 'you're probably having a bad trip, it's okay, you're going to make it through it, etc.' while I was trying to convince him to take me to the hospital. It was at that point that I really, truly realized I could, and was, going to die. It was the most horrifying revelation of my life. Something as stupid as taking two pills instead of one could kill me. R says the look I gave him was a look he'd never seen before--it was absolute and complete horror. This is where it starts to get shaky.

Everything was moving; at that point it was intense but not that scary. There's a gap in time, and then I remember coming to with R helping me down the stairs, out side of R's apartment. I didn't know at the time, but at this point I had started screaming. Ear splitting screams, apparently. The next image of this reality I have is in the parking lot on the way to the car. I woke up with people trying to quiet me down. I had no clue who R and his roommate were or who I was. I didn't know what was normal, or how long this had gone on. (Time is a real issue althoughout.) So I remember screaming for help. Next, I was near the car and I again knew who R was, and I was awake longer than just a flash. I can see him getting into the driver's side after putting me in the passenger seat. I asked him if we were going to the hospital and he told me yes. This was horrifying because I knew he wouldn't take me unless there was something wrong. Unless I was really dying.

I woke up inbetween dreamlike sequences twice on the ride. The first time was only for a matter of about thirty seconds, the second one is the last thing of this reality I remember. We were driving up to an intersection and I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know how long I had been sitting in the car (one second or a thousand years, I remember thinking seriously), but I knew something was wrong (at this point I didn't know I had taken drugs, all I knew was that there was something wrong with me) that's the second time I remember screaming for help. Finally I reconginzed the driver, R. I grapped onto his arm to try to get his attention, so he knew something was wrong, (I had no recollection of anything that had previously happened) but when I touched his arm (I could barely make it out, it was so blury) I couldn't feel anything. So I started hitting the window, the roof, anything to see if I could feel. The lights were getting brighter and turning colors. The last thing I remember doing in this world was grabbing my scalp/hair and and not being able to feel my own body. At that point I couldn't see anything, and that's when I lost all of reality.

The dream started with a question that I was trying to focus on, it was like spinning down a long colorful tunnel, and as it got clear what the question was a voice came to me and started asking me questions. Kind of rhetoical questions that eventually made me realize that nothing existed, that I had no idea what was going on. The best I can explain it is to say that everything was an echo, so the question was an answer, and I was both people. I know that that doesn't make any sense, that's just how fucked up everything was. I can barely remember the actual questions, but the feeling of complete loss and confusion is quite clear. First I started with what was going on? Where had R gone, where the car was, etc. Which lead to what's an R? Or what is an intersection, car, etc? Should I know what this stuff is? Which lead me to wonder what normally goes on, which lead me to wonder how I didn't know what was going on, which lead to another question, another question, and I began to understand that I had no idea what happened any of the time.

Then I came to wonder who was asking me a question, which lead me to wonder who the fuck I was, or how I existed. It really freaked me out because at that point I didn't know what I was, let alone who, where, why, how, or anything else. I didn't know if I should know anything, but I felt that I should at least know what was thinking these things. It was at that point I had no idea what a question was. Pretty much I had lost all knowledge of everything.

The series of questions I asked led my mind to believe a number of things: First of all, the earth, universe, existance doesn't matter. My role in everything is insignificant, and nothing in my life matters. It was complete apathy of death, which really sounds great, but scares me quite badly now. It also led me to conclude that everything is meaningless. Everything could be completely different, and there is no reason that it's not. We could have no sense of feel, there could be nothing but thought, there could be nothingness. There could even be the absence of nothingness.

After this I had a number of different 'dreams', the main players being mostly the people that were around me in real life. All the people that I saw V, his family, my mother, were stangely different. For instance V's father wasn't wearing a shirt in real life and in the dream he wasn't, but he was wearing this straw hat. I've never seen him in a straw hat, he doesn't own a straw hat, etc. Also I had a dream that I was inside V's house, and while R took me to V's instead of the hospital I was outside screaming on the ground the entire time. They were some of the most disjointed, fucked up 'dreams,' trips, whatever, that anyone could have. I woke up the next day in the ICU.

I found out that I had been screaming non stop the entire time since I left R's room. Apparently instead of taking me directly to the hospital he took a detour off the main road because I was making it extremely difficult to drive, especially with other people on the road. On the way there he realized he wasn't going to make it to the hospital so he took me to V's house. V's father and mother came out and called 911 immediately. I threw myself out of the car, screaming and throwing my body (R said, think: Linda Blair in the Exorcist). V's father tried to hold down my torso until the ambulance got there. Sitting on my torso, holding down my arms he still wasn't very sucessful. Fortuneately the police and ambulance got there quickly. I am a 135 lb 18 year old female and I was able to throw two 200(+)lb police officers off of me, and was able to resist restraint even with 5 male paramedics trying to get me on a gurney. When they finally got me restrained it took only a second or two for me to get out. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, everyone tells me that I didn't even seem to know they were there. I never once calmed down. Through all of this I never once stopped screaming.

I managed to get out of the restraints once or twice on the ride to the hospital. I was still screaming as they took me into the ER. My mother said that they were, by far, the worst blood-curdling screams she had ever heard. Luckily my friends told the paramedics that I took DPT, and how much I took so they would know how to treat me. But because not a lot is known about this chemical the hospital had to call the National Headquaters for Center for Disease Control down in Atlanta, Ga. to figure out what to do. They found out they could gave me a sedative that I had been given before for a surgery. At the time of the surgery it took four seconds for me to be completely unconscious. This time, however, they had to gave me enough for five adult males and it only made me calm down enough to stop screaming at the top of my lungs. I was still fully awake, and rambling and yelling in English, Spanish, Latin and also yelling long lists of numbers. I am quite fond of Mathematics, but I have no idea why I would be listing off numbers. I am not fluent in Spanish or Latin although I have some knowledge of both. My mother would yell my name at the top of her lungs and looking at her would settle me down some, but only for a couple seconds. My heart was beating three times what it should have been. It should have burst or I should have gone into Caridiac Arrest while in there. I woke up the next morning in the hospital bed.

When I was told the story of what I did I honestly didn't believe that any of that had happened. I recalled what I remembered, but I thought they were exagerating the rest. They said I had my eyes open while I screamed the entire time. My throat was sore, and that's the only real physical pain I felt. Little by little as the sedatives wore off I realized how many bruises and cuts I had all over my body. My arms are still scarred from clawing at myself, I gave myself a black eye trying to scratch out my eyeball. I had two four inch cuts down my face from my nails as well. Bruses covered my legs and my abs were more sore than I believed was possible. My mother told me V's dad held me down in the grass and I didn't believe her until I discovered a large amount of grass in my hair and bed.

They had to call a specialist in to check on my condition. There were muscle enzymes in my blood that shouldn't have been there. There's a good chance this did permanant damage to my kidneys and liver. I was in ICU for three days, and the worst part is that they didn't know what kind of damage to check for. It's not like a cocaine overdose that they have dealt with hundreds of times before. They tested the levels of purity in the DPT (my friend gave it over to the authorities) and they said that it was extremely pure and potent. After a day or so they called in a psychiatrist to come and talk to me to check for mental damage. They have no idea what the long term affects of this drug are.

I was on a natural high for a while, just thankful to be alive. I am still thankful to be alive, but some issues have come up. I have overwhellming incapacitating fears. While I may have been apathetic to death during the trip, I am certainally not now. And the fact that there was apathy towards it makes me realize that any small, minute thing can lead to death. It frightens me that I could have easily let myself die. I don't sleep well because I sometimes have flashbacks, or sometimes nightmares about dying. I often find myself completely afraid that this world isn't real, or I don't really exist. I was raised Christian for 18 years and while I didn't believe that God existed for two years before this, I feel now that all chance all hope of there being anything after death is gone. I have waken up from nightmares paralyzed, with visuals and even with the taste of DPT in my mouth.

I was getting better, so after two months I believed I was capable of trying another drug. I wanted one that kept me in this reality, ovbiously, so I choose E. I wanted to feel connected. I took it at a very nice rave and had a great time until the early morning when I started to have extreme flashbacks. Luckily V was there to comfort me some, but eventually he fell asleep and I was left alone. I had many visuals the rest of the morning. Later, I tried to take a nap and woke up thinking I was paralyzed. I got horrible visuals every time I got tired for two days afterwards. When I tried to sleep I got extremely unpleasent and scary closed eye visuals.

It's been a month, and I doubt I'll ever do any drug again. Strobe lighting is something that extremely freaks me out, as are echos. I would literally give anything to not have had this experience. It has riddled my entire world with doubt and fear. I constantly fear that I'm going crazy; that reality will just leave me. The odds of me developing a psychosis such as schizophrenia have greatly increased from that one night.

I cannot express enough how dangerous this drug is in high doses. There is no reason that I am alive. It seems even unpredictable in small doses. I just took it to have a good time, and I pay for that mistake every day.

May 7, 2007 Update:

by oobob x

I can confirm the experiences in this report. I'm the good friend they contacted online who had taken it before. I kept in contact with the parties on the phone or via email as it happened. Don't believe the dose, however - she likely had 300-400mg+ Despite my earlier warnings (I moved away from where they live a little before they got it), they eyeballed each pill. The friend who eyeballed it told me afterwards that a good deal more than a quarter was missing (V in the story). Also, the person who had the reaction is a very small female, as she mentioned, and may be reacting so severely because of her size. She hadn't taken any MAOI, and so i question if an oral dose at 275mg would cause such strong effects.

The violent effects all occured. She required 4 or 5 people to subdue her, one of whom is 6'4'' (R in the story), 2 of which were police officers or emts, and the last was a quite strong rugged guy, all who outweighed her significantly. the 6'4'' person was significantly injured by her thrashing throughout the evening. She also has history of anxiety, which may explain partly why she responded that way, but she was an experienced tripper with nothing in her past to suggest this type of reaction. There are too many variables to be sure, but i highly doubt she took only the amount mentioned in the trip report.

They described her as in a frenzy. She broke R's cd player thrashing in the car, had all his neighbors out in the hall and almost calling the police, and kicked the bottom of a car with her barefeet. R swore the car moved when she did this - she kicked it hard.

I am still in contact with R - who was the person who told her what had really happened that night, almost word for word as written in the story.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 25872
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 5, 2003Views: 20,700
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DPT (21) : Hospital (36), Post Trip Problems (8), Overdose (29), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7)

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