Citation: steve. "Things Will Get Better, I Hope: An Experience with Heroin (exp25559)". Erowid.org. Oct 10, 2018. erowid.org/exp/25559
What is there to say about drugs? I'm 18 and have been using drugs in massive quantities since I was 11. Up until a year and a half ago, I had ventured down every road, from pot to coke, to speed to pills, to shrooms and of course alcohol. But nothing could prepare me for my first time experiencing heroin.
I was, at the time, an excessive user of cocaine, I snorted it, mainlined it, and even smoked rock every so often. So this one day my old using crowd and I decided to go and score as much coke as we could afford. When we reached our destination, we were informed that there wasn't much yay available. I decided to buy as much heroin as I could, although I had not tried it yet, fuck it, I knew from the moment I tasted it that I would love it, proving that this was a worthwhile thing.
I started out snorting it, using a few bags a day, for about 7 months. I absolutely loved the way it made me feel. But around Christmas time, I stole a few needles from my diabetic grandfather, and that was my first mainline of dope. I immediately knew that I was onto something. I shot up 6 bags that night, then proceeding to go out the next day and spend all of my money on dope. I now had no money for my family for holidays, so I stole gifts for them, cheap ones as they were too.
Well, it's now July 24, 2003. I've been clean for 19 days. I recently got out of rehab, and I have nothing. Those past 7 months were a blur. I got arrested on New Years, got bailed by my mother, next day I stole money from her to buy a fix. I sold all of my stuff for as much as I could squeeze out of the tired pawn shop employees. My face was not a welcome thing around my town. I spent alot of time in one long nod. I would literally do up to 10 bags a day, not caring if I overdosed. Fuck, I wanted to, because I knew I could not stop by myself.
I'm also going to NA meetings a few times a week. Thats helping me stay sober for the time being. But let me be honest, I'm only 18, so I take things for granted. I can not promise anybody that I won't use again. Shit, I am aching for some money and down time to shove off to the city to get that sweet fucking dope. I would love to stay clean, but I know that I may not. And if I relapse, I will lose my family again, but for good. They've all had enough of my antics. I've been abusing drugs and alcohol since I was 11. 7 years of addictions. One right after the other. But who knows? I may never live to say that I survived a second recovery, I'm barely alive now with my first recovery.
But things will get better, I hope.
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