Citation: Tom Thumb. "Becoming a Mind Killer: An Experience with LSD & PCP (exp24295)". Erowid.org. Dec 7, 2006. erowid.org/exp/24295
||(blotter / tab)
| T+ 0:15
||(powder / crystals)
This is my first and so far only experiance with the chemical drug LSD, 1 blotter tab with an green alien face on it.
Well I was 16 at the time and I had a week earlier procured 1 hit of acid from a friend of mine. I had decided to do it on a saturday night at a friends house. He had some pot and I had a cap of pcp with me in case the acid was a dude. Wasn't the best settings or anything, but I wanted to use the acid sooner then later in case it wore off somehow before I got the chance to take it (acid is VERY hard to come by in my town, most of the time being blank paper and I don't know how to get it anywhere else at my age).
Time: approximately 12:00 (midnight). I placed the acid on my tongue and let it sit for 15 minutes until it got squishy enough to swallow. Then I swirled up a bunch of spit in my mouth and swallowed it with that. During this time I gave my friend a 1/4 gram of my pcp and then he smoked a joint. I had been hoping to have a very spiritual experiance as best I could but I realised given my surroundings, I basically had thrown away that possibility. Oh and by the way, we were watching the movie Tremors.
12:15. Swallowed the blotter tab and snorted 1/4 of PCP in 4 itty bitty lines. My friend is a horrible person to get stoned with (he mellows out for maybe 15 minutes then goes to bed) and that is exactly what he did..WENT TO BED! ahh so not fun. Anyway, I continued watching the movie for awhile. I wondered if I would have to set the effects into play myself so I started staring at a cartoonish picture of a devil my friend has painted on his wall across from the 2 seater couch in his room. Staring...staring...staring.
12:30. I had been trying to make the picture talk to me or pop out at me but to no effect so I started watching the movie again. After probably another 15 minutes i just casually glanced back up at this devil picture to see it looking 3D. It was a flat picture but it seemed like i could stick my hand underneath it (which is what I tried to do). No matter what angle I looked at it from, I could see below it! At this point I was incredibly happy to know I had gotten real acid and this increased my buzz because it put me in a good mood. I continued watched the movie. And around now the tracers kicked in.
12:45. At this point without me even realising it, reality had totally changed. It was the scene in the movie the town starts getting attacked my tremors (the scene of the girl in her underwear running is all I can remember). Everything seemed weird but I could not put my finger on it. Then during the scene of them on their roofs, everytime someone would touch any thing, roots would shoot out of their fingers and encircle what their were touching, causing it to crack apart but when they removed their hand it would be perfectly normal again. This took place for roughly 15-30 minutes. Then I had to pee...REALLY bad. I probably urinated 5 times that night which is weird.
1:05. Stumbled my way out of his small room and into the dark hallway. Luckily for me the bathroom is directly outside his bedroom, but I was worried if walking in the dark would send me on a bad trip. Keeping the 'it's only a drug' thought in my mind probably saved me many times that night. So as soon as I walk into the bathroom I look at myself in the mirror. WHOA! I'm totally made up of hues of purple. Different shades for every part of my body. And I'm vibrating. It looks like I'm standing on a giant vibrator because of the way I'm just sort of 'buzzing'. I was intrigued by this effect for a long time and kept staring at my hands and face move in the mirror. I leaned in closer to the mirror to get a better look and I put out my hand and it touched the mirror, causing a rippling, watery effect. This effect would also continue throughout the experiance everytime I touched something or took a step.
I remembered I had to pee so I turned to the toilet and as soon as I held my penis, I started masterbating. I realised that is not what I came for and started to pee. The stream of urine was actually kind of boring, the only interesting thing was that the yellowish tint of it caused it to grow incredibly bright. I then inspected around the toilet to make sure that I hadn't actually 'miss-fired' in my drug induced state and was pleased to find that I had not. I sat down on the toilet (with the cover down and pants up) because I wanted to enjoy the bright and clean feeling of this room (nice bathrooms RULE).
I kept stepping on the floor and watching the waves ripping out and pass up the wall. Very cool. I really do not know how long I was here. I remembered about the movie then and decided to get up but when I put my hand on the counter top, there was a giant ripple which shook me and I sat back down. It didn't frighten me though. I looked at my hand and countertop and started tapping beats out with my fingers. Each tap would send out a different note with the waves. Everything in the bathroom was almost heavenly bright. My guess is that this was caused by the linolium floor and white walls and ceiling.
After I got bored of this I got back to my friends room with little incidence (just trying hard to get back on to the couch in a cluttered dark small room. I didn't want to turn on the lights to awaken my friend). Watching the movie, I realised hardly any time had passed at all (maybe 5 minutes, 10 at the most, where as it felt like hours in the bathroom).
1:20. move ahead a few minutes. I was extremely disinterested in the movie and needed some way to please myself. I became interested in knowing what sharp pains felt like while on this drug. I found a safety pin I had in my sweater and started poking my self over my chest (after I had taken my shirt off). This feeling pleased me emmensly and I continued poking my chest for some time.
I had to pee again and I put the safety pin aside and got up. I took off my pants so I was only in my boxers (for comfort). When I opened the door of my friends room I heard a very strange and slightly scary noise. It took me some time to realize it was from 1 or more of his 3 dogs (2 little mutts and 1 big black one) upstairs drinking from their bowls. That part didn't bothered me but I was scared that seeing a dog might make me freak out so I hurried into the bathroom.
After I peed I stood up (I sat down because I was too wobbly at this point, maybe an effect of the PCP). When I took a step, the ripples set out again but bounced off the walls and headed straight back for my foot. As soon as they all collided with my foot, my foot seemed to swell up to giant size and turn blackish. It was incredibly painful and I fought with all my strength to keep it from traveling up my leg and hopefully push it out (I was just keeping my fists clenched, teeth gritted, and foot planted firmly. I was standing almost as if I was about to take off running, putting all my weight on my 'infected' foot). I continued to fight with this black substance for quite some time, each of us gaining an inch or 2 then losing it. Eventually it took control of me. It swept up my leg and into my chest and at this point things became a total mind trip.
*It might also be important(or not) to note that now I have no clue what time it was, I only know I finally fell asleep around 6 in the morning*
As the thing 'infected' me, I felt stronger and wiser. More powerful. I sensed I had more control over the universe and the minds of people. I put myself into a trance like state (still standing in the bathroom), with my eyes closed. I found myself in an alley behind a man who couldn't see me. I stepped up closer to him and plunged my hand directly into his back, grabbing hold of his spinal colume. I pulled it out of his back, his head still attached at the top. I had killed this man. I found another man and started taking out organs one by one by plunging my hand into his body, ripping his stomach apart in the process. It was so incredibly fun and I thought I was actually doing this, but without the possibility of getting caught because of my power.
This next piece I am a little fuzzy over. I somehow remeber folding inside myself. Just bending over and twisting in that direction until I somehow came to be standing right side up again. I still had my eyes closed though and this was all in my head.
There was a lot more to that experiance of killing and dismembering then I can remember because it has been over a year but I just remember it was a very strong and powerful feeling I was enjoying, and one of the funner moments of the trip.
I decided to see what else I could do with my powers. There was this beautiful girl I had a crush on who was my age. We had gone out for a few months and we had been the first sexual experiance for each of us (just using hands and mouths on each other, nothing more). But we had broken up. I thought strongly of her and all the sudden I woke up in her bed. I could only see faintly threw the moonlight shining in her window but I could tell I was in her body, controlling it. I did not sense her presense at all, as if she was still sleeping in her subconscience. I decided I wanted to know what an orgasm felt from the female body. I took off my bra and panties and started rubbing my clitorus.
The feeling was so direct and pleasent that I was convinced totally that this wasn't just the trip, that LSD actually unlocked secret doorways to travel through in our minds. Connecting our minds on a higher level, leaving our bodies on a lower one. I felt that because my mind was on this higher levels, and the minds of most people were sleeping, that they would not be aware of I 'borrowed' their bodies and that is what allowed me to do what I was doing.
Back to the experiance. I started inserting fingers into my vagina and it was so great feeling. I continued at this until I had an intense orgasm. It felt like it was the first time I've ever had an orgasm which probably had to do with the body I was in. I then got up and walked around her room for awhile naked, still ocassionally holding my breasts or ass and enjoying the body as much as if I was myself again and holding hers. After awhile I decided to let her have it back and climbed into bed again and closed my eyes. I immediatly came to, standing in my boxers in the bathroom. Everything was still bright. I checked for ejaculate stains in my boxers to see if I might have actually had an orgasm but I didn't. It was truely all in my mind, and in her body.
Anyway I walked back to my friends room and the movie credits were rolling at this point so with the faint light, I found a piece of cardboard and a pencil and drew a face and body on this cardboard. I had a name for him but I forget it now. I was trying desperately to get him to talk to me but it wouldn't, which really disappointed me. I then laid on my back and started poking myself with the pin again. I started moving the pin around my body, to my arms, hands, cheeks and nose, forhead, lips and tongue. I even tried poking my testicles and the head of my penis. It was very 'sharp' but also pleasent in a way. I then turned the tv to the channel that tells you whats on for the next hour and a half (well it came on that channel when I turned the VCR off) and with this bluish light(no sound) I watched my skin as I poked it.
I wanted to draw blood so I picked a spot on my arm and pressed the needle down deeply. When I pulled it out a gusher of blood came spurting out like a freshly tapped vein of oil like you see in cartoons. Then the blood settled down and formed a pool which pulled itself into a drop centered over the poked hole. Then the blood started seeping down into the skin and spreading around the patterns of the hair and mini-crevices of my flesh.
Then it was gone. Suddenly I was sober again. I looked at my arm and it was only a speck of red..not even bleeding.
I turned off the TV and lay down. At this moment the acid reaffirmed its presense in me and all the lights in the room, from the flashing lighthouse shing in the window to the lights on the tv and vcr started swimming around me. The vcr/tv lights became a UFO and the lighthouse lights ended up becoming 'light' fish swimming around the top of the room. I watched all this for awhile but then I had to pee again.
As I stood up I could think semi-clearly finally and I felt groggy and my mind felt misty. I didn't even feel totally connected to reality at this time. I stood in front of the toilet and started to pee, looking out the window directly in front of me at the lights of houses across the bay. Then a masked face appeared in front of the window..then another..then ANOTHER!
There was three of these masked men, wearing black clokes and a perverted warped version of the scream-movie mask. The mask was a lot longer, reaching mid chest and coming to a point, with a slit running from the point vertically up to the middle of the mask. A black dot for each eye and that was it. Hooded black cloaks and that mask. I just stared at the 3 faces for awhile and then looked down and pulled my boxers over my penis.
As soon as I looked straight up, one of the masked men just sort of 'swept' aside, and I got the feeling it was coming after me. I did not feel safe anymore so I hurridly went into my friends room again and closed the door. I looked out the window to see if the faces would appear but became intranced in the light of the lighthouse. It's rotation caused it to appear once every 4-5 seconds and everytime it would get brighter, then after it lit up the sky would slowly get darker, this continued until I lay back down and started playing with the pin for awhile, poking myself. This got boring so I picked up the cardboard man.
I started talking to him even if he wasn't going to talk back. I continued a lengthy discussion with him for some time about my feelings and life and how my trip was, telling him of the murder experiances I had just earlier. I was feeling slightly tired so I decided I would go to sleep.
After laying in bed for some time, unable to fall asleep, I realised what was wrong. I couldn't let the cardboard man live! He would be a doorway to this upper level of existence and he could only exist when a human was at this level. If I was sober and he was around, it would have negative effects of reality! The thoughts were so frightening to me at the time that I quickly sat up and grabbed him, then took a safety pin. I told him how sorry I was and that I had to do it, even though I didn't want to. He still wouldn't talk to me. I said my final farewells and drove the pin through his chest. I layed him on the table beside the couch and, content, fell asleep.
The next morning I awoke not remembering much of this. Then as I turned over and saw the strange cardboard thing with a drawing of a man on it with a safety pin stuck in its chest, most of my trip came back. During that morning more and more came back and I kept relating it all to my friend, who seemed really disinterested.
I have been wanted to do acid again since then, to finally experiance a true trip that would lead me to question my existense and ponder the questions of reality. This trip was basically nothing more then a few wierd visuals and one really odd 'out of body' experiance and, while really intreging, it was not what I truly wanted. I blame the experiance on the bad environment and lack of 'trip toys' that I had access to. I have yet to find more acid besides getting dooped into buying plain paper, though I have searched high and low since this experiance.
I want to think I learned something from this, but I don't think I could have. The experiance was nothing more to me then a vacation from normality, when I was searching for a different path of reality. Hopefully I will find another chance to experiance this wonderful drug the way I really want to.
The one thing I don't understand is how high I became off of only one tab. The only thing I can guess is that it was either very strong, or if what a friend told me, I actually took a quadruple tab, because he told me most tabs are usually the size of a pencil eraser but square, while mine was the size of a medium sized postage stamp.
Anyway, I have done more research into the drug, and into spirituality and psycology in general. I know more about myself and have a clearer understanding of how I personally view life and the mind. Hopefully this knowledge will benefit whatever future experiances I have with LSD, hopefully soon :).
OH, I just realised I did learn something, actually two things from this experiance. Killing can be fun without the prisons of morality, judgement, and fear, and women must have a ton more fun then men do masterbating!!
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.