Citation: StarKidKarl. "3 Years of Insanity: An Experience with DXM & Various (exp24146)". Erowid.org. Sep 29, 2010. erowid.org/exp/24146
A 3 year account of DXM addiction and other psychoactives.
Ever since me and my best friend, lets just call him ďMĒ, first picked up robotripping in the mountains in Utah 2 spring breaks ago Iíve felt a pull towards the strange world that is the deepest corners of my mind that DXM rapidly and unceasingly drags me through, much like a man who has fallen of his scared horse, being dragged through the field. I was 15 then, and I am 18 now. At first glimpse, DXM just seemed to be like rolling, confusion and euphoria. MDMA and DXM are among the first of the ďstrongerĒ psychoactive that I had tried. I mostly dabbled only in Cannabis beforehand, and had no real opportunity to probe my psyche as thoroughly as I could with the stronger drugs.
The first time I ever tried this drug was when I stole a small 4oz bottle from a Kroger store in Utah along with some Mace. Me and my friend M heard that eating Myristica fragrans often had psychoactive effects, and decided that mixing in half of a 25g bottle of mace with 2oz of our Robitussin would produce mild enough effects for us to have a fun night.
We ended up having to go out with our parents that night, and after having a fun time in the bar in the hotel playing pool and trying to score some bud from some older stoner hippies who lived a few towns away (who were telling us about when they saw the who on mushrooms) were on our way to probably one of the most fun dinners of all time. The two of us sat in the eatery dumbfounded by giddiness. I kept telling mark to look at the wall, it seemed to be moving. As I had said, the only other drug we had done before this point was weed and a few whippets here and there so we didnít have any clue what to expect.
I donít remember much from the dinner that night. We kept trying to convince our parents to allow us to go out on the town for the night. They were leaning towards yes early on in the night, but as the night progressed they became increasingly more hesitant to allow us to leave their company. I started to talk to my mom about how toes were the most ridiculous things I had ever seen (they are though, just look at them) when I decided to go to the bathroom and look at my eyes. My dark eyes had the first chance of coming to my advantage (something that would help me many times later on) and it took me awhile to realize that my eyes were almost all black, though you could hardly tell, only in this light it seemed.
I sat back down at the table and invited my friend M outside for a cigarette with me. We sat by a large wood carved bear on a bench outside of the restaurant. We were laughing like something was funny, were dragged on the bus with our parents and went swimming at the pool at the hotel, I donít remember anything else from that night. I still have some of the pieces of paper that we scrawled out notes on to, like everything was a science experiment or something. Later I find them useful in being able to piece together what has happened to me in the past 2 years. The only one from that night has scrawled on it a few notes for future reference.
ďM is not thinking anything, nor is K (me)
2-3 hours ago
25g mace; 4oz Robutussin / 2
Tracers appeared in both of us
M is in an almost hypnotic state, staring at
M felt un-attached for the past 3 hrs
Story as I recall it
Tracers started to appear as we got on the bus.
Hard to understand everything through dinner, mostly
Remember it all being bunched together. Im pretty
Sure my parents and mís parents know we are
(mís handwriting) After ingestien and first come down,
M attempted to sleep. After 1st hour, tracers.
(My handwriting) I (k) slept fine and can only remember dreaming
about flying. I felt kinda hung over this morning.
My eyes were kind of irritated and had a bloody nose.Ē
Over the next 4 days we either robotripped off a 4oz bottle of Robitussin maximum strength cough (only cough) syrup or took these purple rolls with crossing Cís (later I found out they were called channels) that we bought from some local raver guy Iíll call B from a local store in Utah.
Those first few nights were fun, but they started me down the path to the person I would eventually become because of psychedelics. The rolling and robotripping eventually paved the way for other drugs such as LSD, DMT, and AMT just to name a few. After getting home from Utah we all tripped for our first times. I tripped earlier than my other friends (M and my other good friend S) watching X-men in my room thinking of a few things to myself. 2 nights later was my first real trip with my friends, and it kicked our asses and definitely made us re-think our standings on religion, life, and the universe. I definitely do not think I would be the same person I am today without that first trip, M and S have the same belief. Itís almost as if someone had intended it to fall into our hands, and show us the incredible world that was inside our minds and the potential for creativity and philosophy that dwelled within the deepest reaches of our mind. As a side note, just a few of my favorite pieces from that first tripÖ
(from the mind of M)
ďalways fihting for equi9libruum
chemiclas, water sloshing over the edge, a flame
THEY ARE ALWAYS MOVING, BUT SLOWING UNTIL YOU THINK THEY MAY STOP
but would water really be water without its comforting alterations, it calming slosh?
is fire really fire, if it does not waver with the wind. TIME DOES NOT EXIST!Ē
(From the slightly schizophrenic mind of S)
ďI AM GERO
ALLON ALLEN ALAN ALERION !IT! IS MY COMPANION
I AM LOOSOING MY GRIP I NEEDED THAT DOWN I BELEVE THIS NOW ICAN SEE THAT IT IS THE WAY TO GO I AM NOW GOING TO GET the satrobe light to test a theory of mine, now the plants have gone ui am forced to go back to technology tad and chad are leaving the state i can now feel my presence leaving the body of dave, i gero must now reinhibit the body wiht a blast from the sigma segment, this word sigma is only in the futile creatures mind through a vidioe game called mega man, i must retreive allen allon alan alerion, IT. wish me luck,,
with love gero....Ē
(From the slightly deranged mind of myself)
ďit means nothing... because all this is is the drug telling us what to think. But the drug says that my cells betray me. My cells tell me what to do. My cells all so bent on self-preservation that they cause me pain. They are me, and i am them. So how, when the world is all we have, can we kill eachother? How can we say that there is something good for us? Everything has an end, and every end starts a new beginning. There is no true beginning, no true end, no ANYTHING. nothing exists? nothing is real? What the hell?Ē
We all loved it, but it started us all on a tangent and wild ride through wonderland that has in our opinions made us realize a great deal about ourselves and more importantly the world.
Nothing terribly noteworthy happened for a good deal of time. We slowly progressed away from liking pop-punk music, it was becoming boring and bland. I started to find the magic of the double-edged sword MDMA, and being more of a creative thinker when I was stoned. We began to act more mature with our drug use, exploring the possibilities instead of just watching movies and playing video games. We used to have all night talk-a-thons in my room, smoking bowls and just thinking creatively while other kids were out getting drunk and doing other more ďnormalĒ things. We began to become very interested in politics, techno music such as Aphex Twin, and other classics such as Pink Floyd. I still remember the day that M and I first listened to Dark side of the Moon stoned while watching The wizard of oz.
As stated before, DXM gave me the courage to try other psychedelics such as DMT and AMT. Iíve gotten to know each of them, and I love the amount of thinking they make me do. DMT was a real ride, one that I highly enjoy. However, even with my newfound love for the stronger psychedelics, I still felt an immeasurable pull towards the world of the disassociates, namely DXM.
I remember many strange accounts of events that took place while under the influence of a 4oz bottle of Robitussin, many jumbled, hilarious, and mystical. I remember once I had to hide under this kidís bed all night because I shouldnít have been there. I remember another time where I found it was fun to just fall on the ground because it was such a fast movement and it didnít really hurt when I fell on the carpet. There was another time in a pitch black room where me and these two others (A and J) were talking to me, we all had lighters and were clicking them on and off when we were talking. I continued on with my good friends M and S, until S got a girlfriend and had to stop tripping and Dexing with us. He was rotated out of the trio and another good friend of ours stepped up to fill Sís shoes. Letís call him D. So after that we had our new trio, and together we had newfound strength to explore the world of psychedelics.
The first time I had the courage to pick up an 8oz bottle of ESC (extra strength cough) I was already on a 4oz and was sent out to get gas for the mower by my dad. Driving that day was an experience I wonít soon forget, but while I was out I picked up this 8oz bottle and only planned to drink 4oz. I ended up drinking a little bit more, and was forced to mow the lawn.
I drew a few spiral patterns that proceeded in an outward fashion in my lawn to occupy my mind, my friend S showed up to check on me because I guess I told him to come over when he called me on the phone. He said the lawn looked really trippy, then he looked at my eyes and had me come into the direct light of my lamp in my room. ďHoly shit!Ē He exclaimed, ďYou found some more acid???Ē ďNo manĒ I replied, ďIím on 8 oz of cough syrup.Ē We went to my basement to watch the move and I had my first real visuals, because tripping previously I didnít take a strong enough dose to really hallucinate hard. All I remember was that my couch was being occupied by the two of us and the room seemed huge, and S seemed close to me, but at the same time the couch seemed to be stretching away from me and he was sitting very far away. That night the music seemed to change speeds randomly, and as I was laying down in my bed in my room the room would seem to shrink with a faster tempo and grow with a slower tempo.
After this there are a few other isolated events of me using an 8 oz (I think its 711mg of DXM, I canít remember and I donít want to be bothered to do the math as I have no bottle in front of me anymore) dose by myself for a quiet reflection night to myself. A few of the other interesting events that took place with DXM occurred when we had to use it as a substitute for weed or LSD. We werenít much of alcohol drinkers back then besides S, a funny story there that is best left untold however.
One in particular that stands out in the recesses of my memory banks is when M and I dosed a 4 oz bottle each, and smoked 3 bowls of his dadís weed. This weed was incredible. It was the best smoke I had had since some hash we got a condfest earlier that summer. This was real 60ís grade hippie shit. I think thatís the highest Iíve been since then. Anyway, we did that and cleaned out the closet of my room, I was relating stories to him about my life in the previous area I had lived in back in grade school because I kept coming across stuff from back then (such as good bye letters, drawings, papers etc.) It was a real trip down memory lane. Then we put on Stigmata. Though I was confused as hell and was a little bit freaked out, it quickly became one of my favorite movies. It was a real fun experience, probably one of the last times M was able to consume the liquid syrup that was becoming our escape.
So that all brings me to my current time and date. Two nights ago, I tripped 12 oz, it was my final heroic dose to end my DXM binge on. I had seen so many things in the corners of my mind, spent long nights in a confused haze talking to no one but myself. I even remember an instance where I was yelling at myself in the mirror. So after all this my heroic dose was what I had been building up to. One last hurrah with the dissacociatives (I had done k and nitrous as well) to end it all on.
I donít remember many details, but I was in a vastly distorted world where even my bookshelf seemed to be alien. I was on an operating table at one point being operated on by shades of who knows. I stuck out at one but my fist just passed through it, it jumped back a little then lurched forward and hissed at me. There were also people in my room, walking around and sitting on my bed, I was talking to them, and I yelled at one and realized how ridiculous my behavior was. I realized the ďpeopleĒ could hear me just as well if I was talking in my head. I was also checking to see what time it was very often, the dim glow of my watch glinted in the darkness, and seemed to be moving around in choppy start/stop motion, that was blurry at times and crystal clear at others. I was also thinking about my mom and my life, and how weird it will be when I die. I also saw myself a few years down the road, as well as my mom and brother. All in all it was a great experience, one that has brought me to the conclusion that DXM can no longer show me anything, and therefore it is time to say goodbye to my friend and enemy in adolescence.
DXM has been the best of times, it has been the worst of times. Its time now to recover and reflect on my addiction, and make sure I never slip in again. I donít know how much irreparable damage I have done, and Iím still debating over weather it was all worth it or not. I havenít stopped anything else though, just ended an era of robotripping. Tonight weíre dosing some acid and having an end of school campfire, and Iím happy to say I will never touch DXM again.
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