Citation: Dery. "The Worst Experience of My Life: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp24139)". Erowid.org. Jun 2, 2003. erowid.org/exp/24139
I feel the need to get this off my chest because none of my friends that I tripped with had experienced anything like I did, and they don't understand how bad it was and won't listen to me when I talk about it.
It was my first time. All my friends said it was the best experience, that you couldn't stop laughing and such, so I thought I'd try it. I binge drink every now and then, but that is about all the 'drugs' I do.
We had brewed the shrooms at Bill's house. The four of us drank the tea and popped a few caps in our mouths. I being the dumb inexperienced one and not watching what I was doing, popped more than the others. Just for fun, we decided after a few minutes to go the beach near Bill's house before the effects started hitting us. On the way to the beach I felt like I couldn't stop smiling. After a few minutes, I had the uncontrollable giggles, everything was funny including my friends, who were laughing at nothing too. We got to the beach and decided to go to a more secluded part behind a dune, it was about 11:00 PM. When I got out of the car, my legs were like jelly, but I wasn't having too much difficulty walking.
We finally got to the spot and sat down. In front of us was a little canal-like inlet. On the other side of it were several clubs, with lights and music stretching almost as far as the eye could see. By this point I was laughing constantly and I knew my speech was starting not to make sense. I would start a sentence and forget what I was talking about. Eventually, I stopped talking because it was getting too difficult to think. I looked down at the sand and the footprints started to meld together and flow like water. I looked up at the sky, but there was a hazy quality to it and I could barely see any stars. I was starting to feel nauseated, but not bad enough to vomit. Lights started flashing, mostly red and blue almost as if we were sitting under blinking neon lights. I felt like my entire body was humming with nervous energy. My head started feeling really heavy I felt like I couldn't keep it erect. I felt like I was in a bubble and it was slowly closing in on me. My body kept trying to curl into the fetal position.
I started realizing that I had to think about breathing or I would stop. I started getting panicked because I would try and concentrate on breathing, and every few seconds my mind would forget what I was doing. By now I was shaking, I couldn't keep my hands still, and I was rocking back and forth involuntarily. I remember my friends kept saying things like 'Look at you, you have so much energy' and 'Wow, I've never seen you move around like this before'. I grabbed one of the water bottles we brought and convulsively started drinking because the dry mouth was terrible. I almost choked on it because I felt like my body had a mind of its own and no amount of concentration could control it. My friends were so wrapped up in their own trip that they barely took notice of me even though I was within arms reach of them all. By this point I was convulsively shaking my head repeating words and sounds over and over like I had a tick, but I couldn't control myself. I kept saying 'uh, huh, uh huh', 'totally, totally', 'mmm-mmm. mmm-mmm', 'yeah,yeah,yeah' and moaning like I was half asleep.
I kept seeing tracers whenever somebody moved, and when my friend Sheryl touched my hand I felt it for one second and the next second my brain wouldn't register the touch. I looked down and saw her hand touching mine, but it sometimes felt like her hand was touching somewhere up my forearm. I was experiencing completely opposite sensations. I was all at once hot and cold, felt sick then fine, felt sand on my lips one second and then it went away. I had no grasp on reality. No control. I thought I was going to die. I wasn't even sure if my friends were still there talking or not. I would look down and Sheryl would have a cigarette in her hand and suddenly within a couple of seconds it would just be gone like it had never been there in the first place. At one point, I thought I had wet myself and then it just went away. I had absolutely no sense of time, my friends kept asking what time it was over and over like they had forgotten they said it. I was gasping for breath, trying to tell my mind to breathe before my brain did another loop and I forgot. The whole while, I kept thinking that if I passed out, I was going to die because I wouldn't be able to tell myself to breathe.
I turned away from my friends because I felt nauseated again, and the next thing I know I see Sheryl leaning over and reaching for me asking if I'm okay. I passed out for a few seconds and didn't even realize it had happened. They told me I fell backwards onto the sand. While I was 'unconscious' all I remember is seeing a grey background with white dots. I assume I fell 'unconcious' with my eyes open and I was looking at the sky when I fell backwards. I have no idea what happened. I sat back up and told everyone I was going to die. They just kept telling me I was fine and it would go away eventually. I was stuttering and speaking non-sensical words in between the words that made sense. I told them not to leave me, and don't let me pass out, and don't let me die. I just knew I was going to die. Reality had no meaning. I just kept thinking, all of this isn't real I'm slowly dying and hallucinating that the beach, my friends, the water were here. My friends were figments of my imagination.
I felt total despair. All I could think about was how my body was going to look when someone found it, drenched in my vomit and urine. Very slowly after an eternity, my brain began to clear and the happiness I felt at the beginning was coming back. I started laughing again convulsively and non-stop. I began to realize that my friends had to be here because they weren't there one second, gone the next like the cigarette, and soda cans. Because the beach and my friends were consistent images, I focused on them as hard as I could to try to come back to reality. I was clutching the water bottle, and moving my arms about in a manner that was probably comical, but I started gaining control of myself. I could talk a little bit again, and started speaking in small 3 word sentences even though I couldn't control the volume of my voice. Eventually, everything was coming into normalcy. I lived, amazingly.
I'm almost positive that if Sheryl hadn't awakened me when I blacked out, I would have died. I hadn't even felt tired when it happened, it's like my body just gave out on me with no warning. Afterwards, I told my friends that I almost died, that I felt myself literally dying and I couldn't control it and they quickly changed the subject.
The next day I was bone tired. I felt like I had been exercising for days. I imagaine the convulsive and spasmadic movement I did constantly for 2 and a half hours had something to do with that. My friends told me that none of them had ever experienced what I went through, so I believe they thought it was all in my head. It very well could have been. I did learn a valuable lesson, though. I will never, ever do shrooms again. I love life to much to accidently kill myself.
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