Citation: Cam. "And It Cycles Again: An Experience with Amphetamines - Dexedrine (exp23190)". Erowid.org. Apr 6, 2007. erowid.org/exp/23190
This is more of a description of all my times using the drug rather then just one experience in particular. I will start with my first experience ever with the drug.
A friend of mine who had a prescription for it advised me to try some during lunch at school. At the time it was the 3rd day back to school after summer and already I was getting in shit with teachers, not doing work, the usual me. He told me these little orange pills would make me the greatest student ever. I was like 14 or something at the time and my experience with drugs was limited to smoking pot and getting drunk from time to time, so I was kind of nervous about it. But he pursued, and I finally said 'what the hell' and took a 10mg capsule and 5mg tab.
About 20 minutes after taking the pills I had a lunchtime detention. On my way to the detention room, a guy I knew greeted me in the halls, and I felt compelled to stop and chat and get up to date on everything and what not. In detention I was the only kid there that day, and the female teacher asked me why I smoked, and eventually I was in a full blown conversation, till detention was over. In class I felt like the greatest student ALIVE. Taking notes and learning things was like a rush, I just kept going faster and faster. I started to realise how great I was feeling, my legs were shaking, and everything was just so exciting. I thought of it later that night as the greatest day of my life. So I decided to continue and ask my friend to keep them coming for days and days. He would give me some almost everyday except for weekends when I didnt take them, until I eventually went to the docs and bullshited my way into my own script.
The effects of dexedrine are not easy to explain without trying. When it starts to kick in I start to feel my heart pumping harder and faster, in a VERY pleasurable way, it feels almost sexually pleasurable, but in my chest. I feel an electric buzzing feeling go all over my body from my feet all the way up to my head where it tingles and feels just SOOO GOOD. It's very warm and comforting. My thoughts become heightened and very VERY positive. Everything seems great. I was overly affectionate to my girlfriend and it felt great. People, school, my life, I feel as if everything is gonna be ok and nothing bad can happen to me, and if it does, I can handle it and everything will be fine. I really listen to people when they talk to me and I find myself really being interested and speaking my mind confidantelly and clearly.
Motivation is at ONE HUNDRED percent, if something needs to be done, I'M ALL OVER IT. Doing it the best way possible, and it makes me feel even happier to do something well. That rush of tingly pleasure will just cover my body in a whoosh. It makes me want a cigarette like NEVER BEFORE, and when I have one it's the greatest feeling in the world. I will have no need for food or sleep for a while. Physical tasks are a breeze, I could play sports or the drums for hours on end, faster and more precise then sober.
Sounds great eh? After about 6 months or so of using this drug and increasing dosages here and there before taking a break and restarting I started to notice I dont feel as 'great' as I used to, sometimes I would just become over anxious, pissed off, agitated, easily ticked, completely irritable. This really pissed me off, I thought a higher dose was the answer, and higher, and higher, not too longer I started to feel really 'messed up', paranoid out of my mind, completely obsessive, deranged, gasping for breath at times. It got so bad at one point I started having panic attacks and went to the hospital thinking I was on the verge of dying. Took a break from them, started to feel normal again, and then started taking it again, increasing doses once again.
One night before a new years party I decided to take 60mg on top of the 60mg I had taken earlier. I became EXTREMELY stimulated, along with that 'weird' everything is really different feeling, I would be super hyper, then the next minute zombie like. I was always considered a rather comical person among my peers (at least before I started dex) and some of them were asking me to go nuts and be hilarious like I used to. Normally I would tell them to fuck off, Im not a performer, but I just let loose and went nuts for like a minute till they were laughing histarically, and then just sat down and zombied out. I also decided it was time for another 15mg, I took it.
When I got home that night, I was up for a long while just playing guitar and what not and decided to at least give sleep a shot, I lied in bed with my eyes shut and started to see some of the most incredible things Ive ever seen, flashing colors all distored were swirling around and would take shape to weird objects that didnt even exist and then change into something completely different a second later, along with that I heard some of the most MESSED UP sounds I've ever heard in my life. It sounded like listening to a thousand different things at once, some of them were so loud it felt like it was actually pounding at my head, yet I wasn't at all scared or freaked out, I was actually just lying there in a normal state of mind thinking to myself 'Jesus fuck!'
I continued abusing dexedrine for at least another 4 - 6 months getting to extremely high doses I used to think would kill me, I was snorting it from time to time on top of pills I had already ingested, and when summer rolled around I just completely stopped. That was a very emotional time for me which I wont go into but I will say I've never craved food so intensly before in my life, I just watched tv non stop feeling completely brain dead, like trying think about something and concentrate would take all my effort imaginable. Smoking pot REALLY helped a lot.
The next year when school started I took them most of the time but at low doses and then I pretty much stopped, except for here and there every once in a while, but I wasn't at all hooked, or obsessed anymore. It was great. Although all that dexedrine abuse left me losing a lot of my personality for a short period and aslo feeling like I wasn't myself anymore, that faded after a long while.
About a year after stopping I got a job and was always tired and had a bad attitude type thing, so I thought 'what the hell', sort of like the first time I said what the hell, I took a low dose for a couple days and started to be overly nice to everyone without noticing it at first. Then I started to realise what was happening because the thought of going to work without dexedrine seemed completely ubsurd. So I continued, and continued got back up to my medium dose (30mg), and now i'm back to popping them pretty much everyday excluding weekends. It's different now though because I know absolutely EVERY effect this drug has on me, I know the warning signs about getting carried away with it, or if i've taken too much, so I feel a lot more in control this time around.
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