Citation: AwakenMe2day. "Letter to My Friend: An Experience with LSD (exp23081)". Erowid.org. Nov 28, 2003. erowid.org/exp/23081
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Prior to April 09. I had never done a hallucinogen, and like many people I feared LSD. I had heard way to many stories...'I knew this guy who no this kid whose brother killed himself on it' you know those kinds of stories, and honestly believed in the fairy tale horrible experience that occurred on TV would occur in me. I was quite judging of the 'those' people who had tried Acid before. Overall I thought it was a sketchy Drug.
The past couple of months I have gone in a separate direction with my life. I had been using more like abusing marijuana for 2 years now, and had barely gone a week without it. Which left me basically depressed as hell about life. So in about January I changed alot of things. My diet changed cut out soda...refined sugar...junk food basically I lived off of rice and vegetables. I ate some meat at least 3 times a weak though but very little. I also moved out of my house which was HELL on earth and in to a trailer filled with people who loved me and desperately wanted me to do well.
So Ive spent since January extremely happy probably the happiest Ive been in years and living life for myself again.
Ok so thatís just some background on my mental state.
So it's a normal high school art room setting, Iím chillin working on a painting I turn to my favorite DD and ask him whats new on the scene he says 'acidí. I immediately shudder don't know what to say then it occurs to me, I NEED TO TRY THIS.
So I buy my $10 TAB which I later find out is expensive for ACID and then take it around 2:15 pm. I decided that I wouldn't tell anyone because of the stigma attached to it. So I felt fairly secretive about it. So her I am with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand with a tiny little piece of paper in it.
(I FEEL RIPPED OFF)
I was still a little scared/anxious about taking it but understood that I was about to embark on something that I couldn't change my mind on once I had started. I understood that it was extremely counterproductive to be worried about it so I just let go of that emotion and took the tab.
I decided to document the trip in the form of a letter to my friend who was debating whether or not he wanted to try it. So here is the letter....
Iím sorry I couldn't stick around long enough to wait for you to get out of Drivers Ed. I am writing you this because that seems to be what I feel like doing right now. Trow brought them to me wrapped in tin foil I almost threw it away , That's not funny though. but anyways....This feels so fuckin awsome. The past hour has been a euphoric roller coaster climb. I just keep getting happier and happier. Every time I talk to the parental unit I cant stop smiling, she probably knows somethingís up but thatís ok. Iím not sketched out about her presence at all, itís actually really comforting to know that she is there.
3:00pm The visuals haven't come yet but I suspect they are on there way.
5:30pm I have no idea why people make such a big deal out of this. As I see things not much has changed I'm just extremely happy right now thatís all.
5:44pm Everyone seems so fucking nice! Similar to when you're stoned like the 1st 15min of youre mourn high thatís what I've been feeling I just started to shake a little not violently but more like the shivering you get when you are cold. Right after I noticed the stove and floor blend into each other. Literally like in a blinder. The freaking TV is flickering not intensely but its flickering.
6:15pm Watching this war on TV is crazy. Iraq is a beautiful country. Its people are finally being liberated! Liberation to the Iraqi people what the fuck does that even mean. NO MORE SADDAM! I know what I feel right now doesnít even compare to how happy those people are. Something tells me it wont last Long.
7:46pm I just ate dinner watched a funny ass commercial that I cracked up at forever. Finally shut the TV off. Trow was right about not watching T.V. as soon as I turned it off the visuals took a hold of me. This would definitely be better for me at least if I was smokin weed. I get intensely focused. Only when you are intensely focused does the acid start to take effect. Probably why for some this is not a good idea to do. Had I realized this hours ago my 'TRIP' I love saying that would be a lot different. So No Horror stories. This papers starting to move up and down like its breathing. It's not scary though because if I just look away it stops. HOLY SHIT the most intense hall. yet. The words on the paper started to move its doing it again. They move when Iím writing and focused. guess you would say this is not a bad trip at all. Iím sad that I waited so long before I understood how to see things.
8:11pm J.R. just called me. My favorite hippie. Normally I think bad news getting back into cahoots with him but fuck it. I miss that kid so much. Its not worth it for me to even fight it. THIS is not scary at all. Easily you can make yourself not 'tripped out' If I let my mind wander fore even a second things are back to norm again. Could this be A DANGEROUS side EFFECT? Alls I know is that I am going to stop fighting it before it wears off. T. be very glad I left the rest of the tabs in my locker otherwise I would have taken it by now.
8:18pm THE REALIZATIONS (1 HIT of ACID 4 Hours Into it)
SHUT OFF THE TV WANT TO UNPLUG THE PHONE. I HAVE RULED OUT ALL THE POSSIBLE DISTRACTIONS they are nothing more than distractions.
It is really easy to continue on with everyday activity almost easier than with WEED. The hallucinations take patience. In this fast paced world we live in where we want every fuckin' instantaneously acid's hallucinations do NOT configure into that way of thinking. The more I look for them or rather don't look for them, depending on which way you would prefer to look at life. In the same instance I realize this I realize other things too. To much thinking. Pin can't write fast enough fuckit this is a pencil...Ahhh crazy now the pencil is moving fast enough so that I dont have to slow down my thinking. Lights are flickering in the background my eyes seem to never catch it though its just background junk. Think I am going to go outside.
(I wrote little side notes to myself so on the letter there are little purple sticky notes attached to certain places where I was having thoughts on top of thoughts.)
8:40pm I was out outside gazing up at the clouds pass the moon. Just as the trees started to open up and magnify the moonlight. I was rudely interrupted by the fuckin telephone. I ask myself why I am sitting here writing this in the dark, there is just enough light now for me to see that that I am not writing on top of words. Words on top of words would look pretty messed up. Even worse illegible which would defeat the purpose of me writing this to you. The paper shifts, the pen is writing what I am thinking I am not. The rearrangement of the words on this paper is interesting. REAL or NOT REAL? TO BE OR NOT TO BE? THAT BY GEORGE IS THE QUESTION.
If I had some weed right now I would be experiencing things alot differently. Why is it that I continue to want more out of these things. If I have learned anything it's that trips are what you make of them. If you stop fighting it which I have been for fear that this might turn into something BAD. (a prejudgment I had in my mind about ACID) If I could just free my mind.
* Ones hallucinations are just reality shifts. Whatís real and what's not real are clearly balanced. The 2nd reality comes only when I stop fighting it.*
THIS IS A HIGHLY BEARABLE SENSE OF BEING.
I know that while I am writing this I am missing out on some HALL. the ones I am experiencing now. For instance my skin has continuously blended into my kitchen table, but only when I allow it to, I just watched the lines in the wood creep up my arm I became the table I had to look away and when I stopped looking it stopped. Brown skin brown table. Blending trying to become one again, out of fear I kept fighting it.
* DO I HAVE A HOLD ON THIS ACID OR DOES THIS HAVE A HOLD ON ME?*
A current has just taken over my floor and caused it to move like the ocean. I am desiring for it to consume me. I want it to in a sense CAPTURE ME.
*I will miss this when its over. I am the ultimate escapist. Not only do I want to escape my reality as I know it but I want to get lost in it TO BE KIDNAPPED but it. WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE SAY THIS IS SO DANGEROUS?*
I HAVE CONTROL seemingly not what I wanted but its what I have. Iím thankful and unthankful at the same time. MY GLASS IS LITERALLY HALF EMPTY AND HALF FULL.
My heart starts to pound I am clearly uncomfortable with this thought. Why? Am I yearning to be out of control ? I just had a scary thought while watching the floor move. Would I steal for this? Would I beg T? to let me take one more TAB in school tomorrow and promise to pay him back later, when I got the money? I HAVE FOUND MY CRACK. I have never heard of acid being highly addictive. I am sure there are dangers in doing this too much, but as far as Iím concerned this shit is not for everyone. (More For me that way HHAH)No but seriously there are alot of people I would not recommend this too. preferably people like myself with OBCUMP personalities. This is like nothing I have ever experienced before. IT IS NOT SCARY. Now I just want to do more. I just donít want this experience to end. Which was basically me writing for hours. My pen keeps disappearing in and out of the paper its hard in the dark or in the little moonlight that I have to tell if I am even writing at all.
Taking one HIT of ACiD was a good idea for the 1st time. It's just enough to allow you to make a decision about it. It's not to much so that I can't differentiate between the real and not real UNWILLINGLY <<>. Its just enough to go in and out of my trip as I please.
The bible was written by people who were absolutely fucked out of their minds, or they had these super human abilities to exist on different levels of reality. *NO WONDER PEOPLE THINK THEMSELVES TO BE GOD ON THIS STUFF, All you can relate to the experience is god or something unhuman unearthly, never before have I been able to think the thoughts I have had tonight or see the things that I see now GOD is a perfect explanation for it all. I guess things/ thoughts that seem worldly surpass what you thought you believed or is what you attribute to god or holyness whatever you want to call it. * ITS JUST ABOUT UNDERSTANDING* Whether or not your beliefs are the same as you thought them to be before you tried ACID, while you were on it and while youíre off it. Its just about trying to make sense out of life.
That is what I am afraid of, but at the same time is the reason for me to even be doing this. I want my mind to be freed and for life to make some sense but it still not willing to embrace the change. Good or bad tripping on not its life.
I NEED TO GO BACK OUTSIDE. NO MORE WRITING FOR NOW.
10:15pm Before I go out though I have to write down this thought. Will I believe the fairy tale acid stories of things jumping out at you and trying to eat you? I am not going to be impressed by them anymore. I have finally done what I SWORE TO GOD WHAT I SWORE TO MYSELF AND OTHERS I would never do. This 1st ACID trip was it just a cock tease? Am I to do this again or any type of hallucinogen. AM I being seriously mislead? IS THIS REALLY AS DANGEROUS AS PEOPLE (mainstream America) made it out to be. All I know is that I wouldn't recommend this to everyone? Small dose this isn't unsafe? Hell I didnít even notice I was on it while watching TV but had I smoked the endless amounts of KB I want to or think I want to this might have turned out very differently.
Now I am going to venture outside just me my puffy down jacket and my hacky sack. Playing hackysack underneath the moon and stars.
9:51 It no longer feels natural to write so much now SO I will stop.
* THIS WAS A VERY GOOD THING FOR ME TO DO*
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