Citation: Ex-plorer. "A Blissful Nightmare: An Experience with Morning Glory & Lorazepam (exp22843)". Erowid.org. Apr 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/22843
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
The timing of this trip was not exactly prime, nor was I in a state of good decision making to begin with. Let me give some background: I was in one of the deepest time periods of my past drug use/abuse, (whichever you would like to call it.) I was currently suspended from highschool, although I was allowed to attend a zero period class (before normal school hours) in order to help keep up with credits. Every day, I would go to my zero period class, I would obtain my days supply of substances, and proceed to go home and fade out and stare out the window all day.
On some days, however, I would walk down the street and help a woman around the house. In her medicine cabinet, much to my delight, I found a considerable supply of lorazepam, and elsewhere, alcohol. Most of my days were monotonous and uneventful during that period of time, however, the day prior to my morning glory trip I was walking home from the womans house drinking alcohol from a soda bottle and consuming an unknown quantity of lorazepam. The last I recall is being nearly home, and after that is somewhere around a 15 hour blackout in which various things involving the police took place.
I awoke at my fathers house, although the last I'd remembered is going to my mothers. I didn't even realize anything had happened until someone at school told me they'd seen me arrested the day before and I noticed handcuff marks on my wrists. Although barely coherent and conscious, no one at school seemed to notice.
My father picked me up from school, and took me to the local grocery store for something to eat. I picked up some donuts, etc. On the way out, I spotted some Heavenly Blues on the flower rack. Remember now, my judgement at this point was severly impaired. I asked my dad for some money so I could plant some flowers. I purchased somewhere around 8 or 9 packets and we returned home. I could tell he was upset about something, but I hadn't yet realized what I'd done. We returned home around 9:30AM.
I'd tried Morning Glory before, with no effects but nausea. I casually dumped the seeds into the blender, along with lots of fruit and juice. I blended it for 30 seconds or so, and let it sit in the refridgerator for a while. After drinking it, I convinced my dad to let me go for a walk. Barely remembering that I'd consumed the seeds at all, I walked around the forest smoking cigarettes for about an hour.
On the way back to my house, I sat down on a bench, suddenly captivated by the clouds and the trees. Not out of a morbid thought, but out of some gut feeling, I thought I ought to scratch up my arms. I proceeded to do so with the sharp edge of something I had in my pocket (I can't recall what it was.) As soon as I did that, I felt consumed with a warmth I'd never felt before. I looked up at the clouds and I remember distinct OEV's resembling a childrens storybook idea of angels. In my fog, I associated the angels with scratching my forearms.
I went back inside and down to my room. I began to play with a bracelet of intricate glass beads a friend had given me. I curled on my bed with some feeling of joy and serenity. I tossed the bracelet into the air, and although I could feel it fall into my hand again, it appeared suspended, yet falling over and over again at the same time. Snapping out of my benzodiazepine haze, I realized what had caused these effects.
I shouted to myself, 'I've achieved it!,' and began to feel a magic I'd never experienced under the influence of anything else. I knew it could go anywhere from here. I looked a lot at the glass beads, it seemed as though I could travel into them and become absorbed in some world of their own. After a while I went upstairs and poured myself a glass of water. My father sat about 10 feet away reading a book.
As I looked into the glass, I saw not my own reflection, but some kind of face resembling a jester. I was amazed and filled with a feeling of adventure for a moment, but then the face in my glass of water began to criticize me. I spoke back to it, telling it to fuck off and that I wasn't worthless. My dad asked me if I had just said something to him, and I said no. I continued to have a heated discussion in whispers with the jester in my glass, looking up every 30 seconds or so to be met with concerned looks from my dad.
I decided I couldn't keep doing this, and poured the water out. I sat in a comfortable leather chair next to my dad, and looked out the sliding glass door. Two trees outside appeared as cartoon bears, standing upright, and dancing. I laughed at this, and stopped abruptly upon another concerned look from dad. As I looked back out the door, the tree branches turned into ghouls. I gasped, being the most horrified I've ever been in my life.
Seeing that I needed to be away from my dad, I went out onto the front lawn. This is about 2 hours after ingestion, or about 11:30AM. I stayed there, watching blades of grass and trees and the clouds and taking in as much as I could. As I looked at the clouds, a dragon emerged and swooped towards the ground. It sailed above the ground for about 100 yards, and vanished. Taken aghast, I sought some solitude in my room. I spent the next 4 hours or so laying in bed, listening to music, thinking, and watching. The details that I remember of that period are few and far between. Around 3:30PM, my mother picked me up.
Arriving at her house, she noticed the scratches on my arms. She said some things to comfort me and told me I was going to get help. I spent the next 4-6 hours on the couch with my headphones on. My window became some kind of picture frame for the beautiful things in the world, and I watched intently as raindrops hit the ground, as the wind blew. If I tapped my window, I felt a ripple in reality. Lots of typical, although mindblowing to me, visuals ensue. I caressed my bracelet, I watched a constantly changing collage of what looked like hiroglyphics on the lampshade. Eventually, unbenounced to me, my parents had found a hospital that would take me.
I found my favorite blanket and got in the car with my parents. I curled up with it over my head, and completely lost it. I cried nonstop for the 2-3 hours it took to get to the hospital. Eyes closed nearly the whole time, I found myself in a lucid yet surreal place. I was experiencing from a third person omniscient perspective. I saw my friends and family on the shore of a dark beach in the night. They were crying and waving goodbye, while I was drifting away in a canoe. I looked about, but had no paddle. Those waving were sad, I was terrified. I screamed for someone to help me.
This seemed to last forever and a day. We finally arrived at the hospital, when I seemed to snap out of it a little bit. This is somewhere around 11:00PM, nearly 14 hours after ingestion. I remember my mom handing me her cell phone. A counselor I had been seeing told me I should get help at the hospital, I made some implication of compliance, and we said our goodbyes. I remember walking into the hospital lobby barefoot, with my blanket, and sitting in the middle of the floor. A panic seized me, and I ran to the bathroom and threw away a pack of cigarettes I had in my pocket, as if that was an important thing to be worrying about.
My parents and I were led to a small room with a bed. I lay down on it, and looked up, to see a camera in the ceiling. It scared me, so I would only sit outside the door. After waiting about half an hour or 45 minutes, someone in charge of admissions met with us. This is when I finally realized what the FUCK was going on, and that I was about to spend 2 weeks in the nuthouse. I tried desperately to explain about the seeds. My parents and the nurse were in disbelief, although I was soon explained to that I was of age to discharge myself. I asked for the papers, and signed out.
I was upset and hazy. My mom and dad cried the whole way home, and I became irritable. I slept hard for either one or two days. Realizing what had happened, I voluntarily checked into an inpatient treatment.
I no longer use mind-altering substances, but it isn't because I've seen the light or found the truth or 'realized they're stupid.' Its simply because I can't use them responsibly. I enjoy tripsitting and sharing my experiences with people. This trip was one outstanding amongst all others, and good or bad, it was absolutely amazing. Be safe, use better judgement than I. And never stop dreaming.
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