Citation: Raedon. "Addiction and Delirium Tremens: An Experience with Alcohol - Hard (exp22675)". Erowid.org. Feb 7, 2006. erowid.org/exp/22675
Here I am, 30 years old and completely addicted again. I fell off the wag this last New Years after 2 years away from the sauce and now it's April. Most of the population has no problem with this substance but for those out there now who are thinking of getting a Sixer on a Tuesday night after classes we have to watch out.
Now I didn't get addicted to alcohol until I was 24-25, and in fact I didn't even drink until I was 22. I did smoke lots of canabis and I knew how to grow mushrooms (out of my college appartment no less.. hah!) so I did a lot of trading with the nugs and MDMA folks. I went to keggers and the like but my love was the weed. Wake'n'bake go to class, head back to the dorms, get blunted with friends go do my 4 hour shift at the Library.. etc.
Well around the same time that I had built up a hard tolerance to THC (stoned for under 5-10minutes) I ended up getting the paranoia. Every time I would smoke I would panic so I stopped. As soon as I stopped THC I started to drink daily. 3 beers at night, just to cool out and play some Mario. A year later I was up to a 12 pack a night. And a year after that I was up to a 24-30 beers a day.
The last quarter before graduation I would slam 6 beers first thing in the morning. Have 3 for lunch and after classes I was off. Now you might think, '6 beers in the morning? he must have been stumbling around mumbling.' If I didn't have the alcohol I couldn't function. It kept me from throwing up, and killed all hangover (which is why many alcoholics start becoming hard core, that morning maintenance.)
Hang on there is actually a trip report in here. But I feel that the full story might help some.
Anyway, I found I was really REALLY good at hiding my problems and I became THE functional drunk. I had a career, and I made it work. For about 2 years at which point I had mixed some GHB and messed it up and passed completely out at work ending up in the hospital. Long story short, they gave me a breathalizer and saw I had been drinking (actually I hadn't in like 9 hours, but I drink like a fish.) And my performance had been pretty crappy for the last 5 months. AND the 'Ride the WEB' was now the get the f--- out fast.
So I go to rehab, recover, withdrawal was shaky/sweaty nothing too bad. So I clean up for 2 years, go to AA and other such 'stay clean' groups for a month or two and then stop. I was using crutches anyway, N20, dextromethorphan.
So here I was at a New Years 2k3 Party in Dallas with some old old friends from High School. I had a drink, thought it wouldn't be a big deal, forgot all about what it was once like and Alcohol is like that. I turn my back on it I'm screwed. So I didn't drink for several days after but my mind has two sides when I've been addicted and one of them always says, 'Ah man! you can handle this! go to that bar Friday it's been days sense your last drink. We will make it a weekend thing.' I tell you what that voice is always wrong.
So Here it is 4 months later... I've been drinking no beer for over a month I have moved to $5.99 1L 80proof (hangover special) Vodka. One month of drinking hard alcohol, something I never did in the past. And it's just sad, because now my body is just a chemical dump.
Gone are the days when I did Mushrooms twice a year to search my soul and my purpose in life. I had given it up for nothing but to forget about all I had been taught.
So now I have to stop cold. I can't drink that much alcohol and live past 40-50 without a new heart and liver. So I get home from work, and go right to bed.
I wake up at 10:00pm in full withdrawal- shakes, sweats, hard core anxiety, restlessness, and around 12:00am vomiting. this goes on until 3:00am at which point I'm presented with the most horrible hallucinogenic experience of my life.
Delirium Tremens - hard core alcohol withdrawal. I first noticed that I was in trouble when I heard people calling out to me and I still had enough wits to know that it couldn't be real. I started to see things.. horrible things like I went to the restroom to urinate and all the fingers on my left hand fell to the counter and moved around. They didn't break off with blood and gore but all bound in pink skin as if they were always seperate from me. At the time this seemed completely real, not like a Psilocybin trip when I know that I'm messed up I mean I was in a complete delirium state and this all seemed perfectly normal and it wasn't a dream state I was quite aware that these things were happening to me, and I retained memory of the entire night. While in the bed shaking people I knew came and tormented me, poking me and some talking gibberish that passed from sound to visual patterns in the corners of my vision - white lines and anxiety/terror were also created through my hearing. Or it could have been the anxiety and feelings of terror creating the sounds.
I had a lengthy debate with my clock radio about how the sky was made of pudding and he explained how to build the spoon that could reach it (it didn't move around it just suddenly became a sentient entity.) I heard angry people slamming doors where there were no doors. Around 8:00am I suddenly realized, absolutely covered in a cold sweat, that I had been delirious and that things were pretty f'ning far from all right. I called a friend and hit my family doctor who gave me a Librium (Anti-Anxiety, Sedative) to take care of the 'heebby-Jeebbys' Then gave me a prescription for a fun fun 5 day home detox and now I write this. If you know your going to detox do yourself a favor and see your doctor BEFORE you start, you don't want what I went through last night.
Nothing has scared me more than thinking something was completely real and that split second I realized it wasn't it hit me like a ton of bricks. My reality is on a paper thin line of chemical reactions.
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