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Realize You're Not Prepared
by Matt
Citation:   Matt. "Realize You're Not Prepared: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp2235)". Jun 27, 2000.

  smoked 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)
First off, I was also at the time taking Vitamin supplements, containing basically everything you can think of, and had also taken Dayquil earlier that day at two separate times (fighting a sore throat).

The following is a report of my first, and perhaps (but maybe not, I need to get it all out) last experience with 5-Meo-DMT. I procured a specimen of 250mg of +98% pure substance via an online pharmacy company, which I must say was painfully easy. I was quite excited at the notion, as I had been looking for a way to try this drug for some time, having read the reports here on Erowid and in many other places, reading the works of Terrence McKenna, etc. Needless to say I was quite intrigued, esp at the notion of many unrelated individuals having similar if not exact hallucinations. I wanted to see what they saw. I have on many occasions in my innumerable trips had what I call 'glimpses of something greater', that is, that unrepenting feeling that you know what others do not, and you are even in sobriety beginning to figure out exactly what that thing is. I felt that this substance may be key in trying to break through some of those final psychic walls!?

I went home, to my parents house that I grew up in on a Friday night, for they had gone to Florida for the weekend to visit their parents there. I had several of my fraternity brothers with me, two that had expressed interest in trying it ever since I began to educate them on the subject, another who was a ride and was taking one of the others skiing that next day. I had attempted to explain the chemical, which I was at the time expecting in the mail, to him as well as it's effects, on the body and the mind, but he was at the time uninterested. When the time came for us to go upstairs and get ready, I said that first we (me and the original two) would spend at least 10 minutes relaxing and in meditation so as to set the mood.

When we were ready, I had already prepared a bowl with a metal screen with 3 holes punched in it, an oregano medium, and a sharp knife point with which to put the 5-Meo-DMT on top of it. I was preparing it when the fourth of our party came in from socializing downstairs (my brother had friends over on account of having the house to himself), and wanted to know what we were doing and could he participate. The energy level up to this point in the room had dropped drastically due to our isolation, low voices, and especially our relaxation exercises prior to this. This new visitor, however, did not know of this preparation and was a bit on the high-strung side, at least comparatively. Then he wanted to ask all kinds of questions about what it was that we were doing (questions that better could have been answered the night before when I tried to tell him about it, but it wasn't his fault, he was rolling on X at the time I was trying to explain). We simply told him to quiet down, and he would understand in time. He didn't like this and became agitated that we wouldn't answer his simple questions. Understandably under the circumstances, but I finally told him to have faith in me and just watch.

I put a small amount, between 3-5mgs on the edge of the pipe and vaporized the crystals before sucking the flame into the oregano to get some smoke. I took a deep breath, and while everyone was asking me if anything was happening I had just enough time to say 'just wait.....take this now (the bowl)' before leaning back against the bed and being blasted with visuals, auditory hallucinations and unbelievable thoughts. It lasted not very long, and in the meantime the others were excited and wanted to get started, were talking quietly not understanding that even the slightest whisper was echoed in my brain. I left for a minute or two, before coming back to prepare a threshold dose for the rest of the crew.

After everyone had done one small dose to see what to expect, I approximately doubled the amount, and put it back on a pipe for me. The following is my actual report of the drugs effects, as best as I can describe them in terms that are grounded in this (human) reality. Now, first and foremost, understand that while the following may sound like an out and out sell of negativity, to never try this substance, I can't say that I disliked the entire experience. It's not possible, because it doesn't work that way.

When the first hallucinations set in, you have a feeling of 'wow', as you can't really believe your seeing things the way you are, for everything breaks up and slides aroung your view in fragmented 'streams'; some say their view is the same eyes open or closed, but I could definetly see the real world beyond my 'imagined' one. Some time (seconds, minutes?) after the initial onset I opened my eyes to discover that my cohorts had left to go into the room where it was, to dose themselves. I noticed how I didn't notice them leaving, or even the door closing, however I was glad I was alone. My body felt the irresistable urge to flop about, and before I knew it I was watching myself do a sort of parapelegic dance in front of the mirror as I was talking to myself in my head. Thoughts ranged from 'oh no this is horrible' to 'your fine enjoy it, it'll be over soon you don't want to waste it'. I, however, felt that any thoughts that I had telling myself that I was fine were one's raised as a sort of arms-length defense from admitting I'd let myself get into a situation I was truly unprepared for. As if I was trying to convince myself into complacency, but I knew I was lying. What was this? I was supposed to be seeing the secrets of the universe, see Aliens talking to me and telling me things, to see reality as it truly exists! Instead I'm just too fucked up to even *want* to exist, and uh oh what is that feeling in my stomach, I think I'm gonna be sick on my way to the bathroom uh oh it's occupied by someone else getting sick so I'll go into my parents bathroom and I'm starting to puke and oh no what is that feeling!!!

Let me tell you this. I had a very near death experience. Not the types you hear about on television, light at the end of the tunnel etc., but literally as in I broke my neck and was paralyzed in the hospital, given a 50/50 chance of survival. While strapped to that bed, I had feelings of death creeping up, but I was unafraid. When doing huge amounts of nitrous at times, and holding my breath for witnessed many minutes, I felt death creeping up, as if I could just 'hold my breath' into the euphoric reality I was getting glimpses of, and I was unafraid. Now, on 5-MeO-DMT, I was getting glimpses of greater things again, only this time as I approached it I could feel my body dying. I had told myself many times prior, that due to those other two experiences especially, among others, I do not fear death at all. And even now, I still say that I don't, for I feel I cannot argue against the things learned from them. However, that feeling I had of my soul/conciousness slowly leaking out of my physical form cannot be explained in human terms. Acid, shrooms, XTC, cannabis; all of these things simply serve to extend your minds ability to perceive the physical world around you. Even my mind's reaction to my paralysis, is one that is grounded in *this* world around you, one that is subject to certain laws, etc, so no matter how much of anything you do, no matter what your mind can see, your body is still one foot in the light. On 5-MeO-DMT, however, I literally saw all of those rules melt, and it wasn't good. It wasn't bad either, you see, for every 'bad' feeling I had was complemented by a benign one, and I can't say with any certainty even when on it that I had feelings that I could call either. There is no good, there is no bad, for those are things that are again, grounded in this physical world. There is only what 5-MeO-DMT shows you, and it is neither good nor bad, clean nor evil, it is only everywhere, and it is very, very loud. There is no ignoring it.

However, while your mind knows that there is no good or bad, and your mind begins to look into the beyond, your body doesn't want to go. It either isn't fooled like the mind is, or it simply isn't capable of feeling the things the mind sees, and it reacts adversly. I truly felt my body dying as my mind began to annex. Only this time I couldn't let go like with other substances, the body's reaction was too strong. By now I'm no longer sick, and I actually only dry heaved a few times, but I'm still really really fucked up. The only thing on my mind is that I should put that bottle in the toilet right under the puke when I'm done, but that can wait. I take solace in the knowledge that it will be over soon, but know this. The human condition is simply not meant to take such stimulus, and even the people who have brilliantly entheogenic experiences on the same compound will say the same. When I was in the hospital in pain and immobile, literally going insane in my room (was talking to myself and I didn't know it, doctors said it was normal), I thought I'd rather be anywhere else. When on the 5-MeO-DMT, I'd have traded anything to go right back there---because at least those feelings, that pain, was real and familiar. At least I could deal with it because I knew how. This was alien to me, and I think that if I had another 8 hours to look forward to I would have likely blown the back of my head out with my father's shotgun; next 60 years of my life would not have been worth those next 8 hours, if that's how long it was going to take to wear off. But now it was starting to subside, I had trails but I was back, that was for sure.

Then I went back into my brother's room from whence I came, just in time to see my brother put down the pipe after a long puff and run onto the bed. He starts the usual 'whoa, oh my god', rolls around, gives a lot of 'oohs' and 'aahs', but then he starts to say 'no, stop', and other things, there's a lot of babbling, but he is definetly in hyperspace at this point, totally out of our reality. He is not a racist, which struck me as odd, for for the next 10 minutes he chanted 'fuckin.....shit, nigger' over and over and over again. I know not why this combination was chanted, but it definetly was. He was drooling and rolling around pseudo-violently, but he was okay I felt. I just didn't want him to puke on my brother's bed. Later he said he only remembered or heard himself say the preceding twice, and was sure I was wrong until I conviced him otherwise. When everything had subsided, I basically cleaned up and went downstairs, and told the others if they're ever given the oppurtunity to do this substance, don't.

You may not believe it after all this, but I still will not say that I had a bad experience, nor will I keep others from doing it (unless I 'know' they'll be in a nightmare), for example the next night I sat for two more friends who wanted to try it, because I wanted to be present if they were ever going to. That experience was much more mellow, although the 'fuckin...shit, nigger' mantra was sublimated by 'oh my god', for this other person. Over and over and over he said it. He also said he didn't remember saying it. I will keep the bottle in the fridge, for now. Maybe someday I'll be 'ready' to try it again (by ready I mean ready to be fully unprepared), but that day is not today. Take heed these words, for it easily convinced my co-worker (with whom I ordered it) that he wasn't interested and thanked me for my experience and advice in the matter. Maybe you will feel the same. I still am interested in trying ayahausca, but only if it is different in tone from smoking it (i.e., like how snorting MDMA is faster, more intense, but shorter than ingesting it).

Exp Year: ExpID: 2235
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 27, 2000Views: 22,170
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : General (1), Bad Trips (6), Unknown Context (20)

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