Citation: My Own Reality. "My Personal Overview: An Experience with DXM (exp22309)". Erowid.org. Jun 14, 2006. erowid.org/exp/22309
These experiences are very personal and I ask that all readers should delay judgment. DXM has played an important part in my development and I feel the need to testify my experience. I can not over look the fact that my use has caused me to have some pretty strange ideas that are not popular with my peers. I have been pushed into a mental playing field that is quite distant from that of my peers, whether this is a positive or negative aspect is for the reader to decide. Keep that all this in mind as you read on
Iím now 17 and I weigh about 200 lbs. I started smoking pot at 13 and really explored it at 14. Iíve done LSD once, Mushrooms once, Morning glories several times (thatís a different report), explored salvia every day for a week, had probably 25 bufo toad trips and a whole host of other uppers, downers and other assorted drugs. Iíve now devoted my entire life to the pursuit of knowledge and to the service of the divine.
My first DXM experience:
4 30mg tablets with CPM at school December 2000
It was my freshman year and Coricidin [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I was not sure of her driving ability while on this drug.
Back at her house we chilled for a while, I donít remember smoking pot but we may have. We were all still coming up but I found the effects to be quite mild and being quite tired decided to go to bed around midnight (Iíd say about 4 hours after ingestion). My girlfriend and friend stayed up a lot later and reported peaking after I had went to bed.
The next morning I woke up still in an altered state and to my surprise looked out the window to see the ground covered with snow, my companions said they stayed up until after the snow started (sometime around 3 or 4a I believe.) The feeling stayed with me but faded over that day, I think we stayed in all day on account of the snow. That was the first time I experience elements of the trip coming back when I smoked pot or drank over the next few days.
Tripping in Capital City
650mg? in a hotel room May 2002
The three of us assembled and decided to take a road trip. We were gonna drive to the stateís Capital city to visit Frontier City (an amusement park) and Whitewater bay (a water park). We drove all that way to get to the front gates and find that they didnít even open till two weeks from then, not knowing what to do we drove around the City and smoked pot and went to see a Matinee. After that we went to visit their mall and found that it was inferior in size and selection to our mall. Eventually we decided to make the best of a bad situation and rent a hotel room for us to party in for the night. So we ate xanax and went swimming it was fun to swim on xanax and we all found ourselves enjoyably uninhibited. While swimming we came to the conclusion it was time to trip.
We went back to the room and got dressed and headed for the nearest pharmacy, 2 big bottles of Robotussin and a small one. We split the doses, again I venturing for the largest dose and sat around trying to decide what to do now. TV was boring so I wondered off to the local truck stop and bought a pack of playing cards and some vivarin, Iíd read somewhere that it had synergistic qualities with DXM. We ate several pills a piece and even snorted some. We also played cards. My girlfriend fell out pretty quickly so then it was just my friend and I sitting on the couch enjoying our trip. I spent a lot of time drawing in a notebook I had with me. Interesting drawings I may scan and post online. I also arranged tweaker like combinations of cigarettes, pills, and other assorted items into pictures. Eventually I fell asleep and we drove home the next day. I believe I also stole an ashtray and one of the big plastic trays from the McDonaldís on the turnpike on the way home.
First trip alone with my girlfriend
650mg Time release at girlfriendís June 2002
It had been some time since the previous trip and I wanted to experience tripping alone with my girlfriend. We bought Delsym again on the account that she was not a big Robo fan. We drank it probably around 8 and sat on the couch very close to each other awaiting the effects. We were talking about things that were going on in her life and how she needed to loosen up. One of the main topics was how much she missed music now that she was in college and wasnít in the school band any more. We talked for quite a while and then decided to sit in her backyard.
We brought the trumpet that I had obtained from the school out with us and she was playing it going through her scales and such. She always complains about how she could be very creative with it if she could just loosen up. I tried to explain to her how when I want to play jazz or something like that I just let my fingers go to work, I donít think about notes or combinations or anything of the like, blow and go you could say. I guess it didnít click with her as easy.
I was flooded with energy from the drug and was constantly jumping around like some sort of fairy or ballerina. This I think bothered her cause she wanted me to sit with her and talk. I did sit but we were eventually forced inside because of the onslaught of biting bugs. I believe we then showered and laid down together in the master bedroom. We held each other and talked and eventually had sex. I remember it being good but nothing spectacular, I think this was because a bit of tension had developed between the two of us. Afterwards I held her till she went to sleep then got up and became lost in a fantasy world by myself (I do this even off of drugs). I stayed up all night and the next morning I started drawing a picture with colored pencils. I had to finish it the next day.
Bittersweet love on drugs
Tripping at Tool
500? mg At tool concert July 2002
The tripping trio bought Tool tickets the day they came out, and on the day of the concert we gathered together in triptitude for the last time. The day before the concert we were excited but were having an extremely hard time finding pot. A dry season was in the making and nobody seemed to be able to find some. I knew there was no way I could go to the Tool concert without tripping, short on cash we searched for a cheaper alternative to Robotussin.
We found our alternative in Vicks 44 cold formula at only $3.50 a 4 oz bottle we thought it to be a steal, how ever further examination of the dose revealed it to be less concentrated than Robotussin and no bargain at all. We ended up buying 5 bottles.
I drove us to the concert, we arrived quite early. We sat in the car drinking our syrup (I 2 bottles, my girl 1 and my friend 2) and smoked the last bowl that we had. I remember people watching us drink the cough syrup and laugh. Yuck it up you beer drinking assholes, itís not our fault you donít understand the true nature of Tool
After some time (Iíd say 30 mins) we headed for the gates. The line was long but they werenít searching to badly, just a pat down, and we were put through the styles. Inside I wanted to wander through the crowd at first, hoping I would run into people I knew but companions insisted on finding a seat, the original seat was quite close on the left side of the stage but some asshole stole the third seat and we couldnít all sit together. The rising DXM vibe was giving me a lot of energy and I wanted to walk around, I had to do it alone.
So I walked, I walked all through the crowd in the pit area and then into the main hallway that goes around the arena, I stood in front of the main gate scanning the influx of faces looking for someone familiar but was left unsatisfied. The drug was taking strong control and I was beginning to get the fear. I had to head back to my friends.
I got there and told them that there were too many people and we needed to move to a spot that was less crowded, it took some convincing but they finally agreed, we moved into the far back in the upper level of the arena avoiding the crowd. There was quite a bit of tension between me and my girlfriend at this time and the strain was giving me a horrible bad feeling I kept trying to get my friend to walk around with me so I could be away from the situation and not alone. So we went towards the bathrooms.
The huge crowd was beginning to dig into us and as we walked to the bathroom we didnít talk much. We were both quite afraid because I live in a mid sized Midwestern city that in which the entire trip scene died along time ago. We were the only trippers among a sea of beer drinking frat boy/preppy girl types. It was quite intimidating.
We used the restroom and hurried back to safety on the outskirts of the crowd, the opening act was coming on. The first act was a band called Tomahawk. I thought they were quite excellent their style was quite psychedelic and I was thoroughly enjoying listening to them play. Some one was passing a joint of some good pot around and we gladly took a few tokes, thank god some of the edge off.
In between songs the lead singer introduced the band and said that this was one of the band memberís home town. He then commented on how lame the crowd was trying to rally a better vibe but then they turned on him. People through things at them and were yelling get off the stage we want Tool Etc. I could not figure out the crowdís response and was universally embarrassed for the disrespectful actions of my fellow towners. Needless to say Tomahawk played a short set and ended their set with a big fuck you and goodnight, tasteful.
By this time I had gained control over my trip and found it absolutely necessary that we be in the crowd for Tool, so the three of us ventured in. When the band came on it was great, the crowd started to get into the music and they played so wonderfully, just like the CD but with variations and improves, quite talented musicians we all though. On top of their beautiful playing there were trippy movies on huge screens either side of the stage and an extremely trippy moving background behind them. Maynard was painted red and blue and was almost nude except for a small pair of shorts, he is one of the most physically active singers I have ever scene, acting out the song as he sang. At one point I left my girlfriend in the care of my friend and ventured farther in to be closer to the stage.
I got pretty deep into the crowd near what was a quasi-moshpit. Iíve always thought that these people donít know how to mosh. Their redneck style looks more like football practice in which a few big guys will get in and run at each other as hard as they can slamming each other around like bulls, ignorant rednecks. Their moshing lacks the chaotic energy of 20 or more bodies being knocked around violently like some sort of tribal slam dance. I wasnít interested in dancing any ways.
I was completely into the music finding it hard to decide between watching Maynard or the wild videos on either side of the screen. I remember being completely absorbed into the tracks off of Lateralus holding my hands up high and singing along as loud as possible, testifying to the true influence this band has had on my life. The Patient is my favorite song and I believe I may have wept a bit during its performance. Even the old angry tracks off of their previous albums were great in this state, the crowd was thoroughly intoxicated and it was taking every right minded person in there to avoid a large collapse onto the floor. The foul stench of low point beer filled the air but despite the lame crowd nothing could kill my mood, I was watching Tool, my favorite band in the world and no one could take that from me.
I remember one video in particular that was like to tripped out people nude and being semi sexual. It was very colorful and the symbolism between the movie and the lyrics to the song had quite a strong impact on me, I canít remember what song it was but I do remember the symbol. It was about how men and women play roles in a dominant/subservient society and how debilitating that was to both. Since Iíve been completely sold on a partnership style relationship/society, I only wish I could remember which song it was.
After the show the three of us met back up and headed to the car, my peak had come and had been spent on the show so I was fully able to drive. I was covered in sweat (mostly other peoplesí) and beer, my companions, just beer. We went back to my girl friends house I believe and went to bed early.
A blissful experience
Giving my sister a taste
330mg At my moms house August 2002
It was a Sunday afternoon; I had come out to visit my mom and sister. My sister and I were bored because my mom was at one of her usual Sunday night meetings, she left at 5 and wouldnít be home till 10, 11 or possibly even midnight. I had just arrived in the state and I hadnít had a chance to hook up with my old friends to score some bud yet and the two of us were both fiending for a high of some kind. I suggested cough syrup.
My sister had never tried the stuff before and sheís always been a little fragile mentally, I didnít want to do a lot with her out of fear that she might have some sort of bad experience and freak out or something. So we went up to the local pharmacy and headed strait for the cough syrup isle. I spent some time standing there explaining the different cough syrups and how to know which one to get also telling her not to tell her friends about it, lest we need cough syrup exploding as the new drug in yet another High School. We ended up buying one large bottle of Robo max.
Back at the house I said a quick prayer to myself and slugged down half of the bottle then passed it to my sister; she was not a fan of the taste. We sat around watching TV and I tried to talk with her but sheís always so apprehensive, itís hard to get her out of her shell. After a while the familiar cough syrup swirls began to make them selves present and I asked my sister if she felt any thing, ďNot really.Ē Ok I thought I remember it taking much longer to kick in the first time than all those that followed, and Iíd heard that from others too. I went on the back porch to enjoy the desert sunset in my altered state.
When I came back in my sister looked like she might be feeling and so I asked her about it. I tried to talk with her about what we were experiencing but yet again more apprehension, tension; I donít think she was very impressed with the stuff. I spent most of the rest of the time watching TV, sitting on the back porch, and thinking the usual trip stuff, nothing of importance.
By the time my mom got home my sister was in bed so I talked with her for a while. I donít think she really knew I was in any way altered but it was kinda pleasant. I went to bed fairly early and there was no hang over the next day.
Low dose for the last time
Welcome to the third plateau
900? mg At home October 2002
I spent the afternoon cleaning and preparing myself for my trip. I had previously bought 2 large bottles of Robo Max, unsure of how much I would want to take. Around 5:45 I started drinking it. I chugged the first bottle fairly quickly, but given some stomach nausea I waited about 30 minutes before starting on the second. I ended up drinking a little less than half of the second bottle and set it aside for later use. I had fasted so it didnít take long to kick in, and I was feeling the effects with 30 minutes. As I was coming up through the lower plateaus I always have an energy burst and a strong desire to be around people, so I called a different friend of mine (weíll call him E) and he said he had a few chores but that he would be over shortly.
Waiting for him to come was tedious so I laid down on my bed and began to delve into my trip I was starting to form this idea about the nature of light (Iím a huge physics buff) and was coming up with a very good visual description to match and explain and elaborate on particle/wave theory. Midway into this idea I heard a knock on the door, E was here. By this time I was extremely inebriated my talking felt quit off and I was having all sort of visual/sound/body image distortions. My friend that was part of the original trio (J) called and wanted to come over. I handed E the keys to my car and said lets ride. This was the first time I had ever let a friend drive my car, and I was riding in the passenger seat. Movement felt completely different in this state and every thing was just plain weird. I told my friend E that this was the strangest thing I had eve tried to contemplate, seeing how HE was driving MY car and I was in the passenger seat.
When we pulled out onto the main road I freaked out, my car was making the most horrible noise and I thought for sure something was wrong, E assured me every thing sounded normal to him and I accepted the noise as just another part of this alien universe. I had to direct E to Jís house and when we got there I sent him up to get J. They came out to the car and we went to my house.
At my house we sat in my room smoking pot out of my pinch hitter and listening to music. I had a red light bulb and a green light bulb in and both E & J (no pun intended) had 3 faces, the normal one in the middle that was covered by a green one on top and a red one on bottom. They were sitting there talking and I was basically so fucked up I could only listen. Every thing was strange and alien to me.
At one point J put Black Sabbathís Paranoid in and the first track blasted out ďI AM IRON MANĒ At this point I started screaming at J to change the music it was too evil, he didnít seem to understand what I was saying so I kept yelling ďNo, no, I canít handle this change it change itĒ until I was forced to crawl across the room and change the track myself, I believe I went strait to Planet Caravan (sounds good right now I think Iíll put it on.) After some time E had to get going home and seeing as how J couldnít stay over he had to leave with E so he would have a ride home.
At some point during the night my dad came home so I told him what was going on and he knowingly went to another room leaving me to my own strange universe. Also my X-girlfriend called (same girl) and wanted to come stay the night with me, I said yes.
I had been alone for quite some time by the time she got there and I was ready for human contact again. She crawled into bed with me and we laid there talking and cuddling. Pretty soon that gave way to fooling around, and I got one of the most massive hard-ons of my life. I told her I didnít want to take advantage of her (I had broken it off) so she needed to be the aggressor so I would know she really wanted it. I told her to be ready because I knew it would take me a long time to come and that I could please for several hours most likely. Before she climbed on top and proceeded to ride me until she came, hard it looked like, then climbed off and went to sleep.
It hadnít even been 2 minutes. I was stunned and didnít know what to do, here I was left with a massive hard on that refused to go down and I had no way to relieve it. It hurt and it was giving me a headache, BAD. The idea of masturbation was completely out of the question so I opted to smoke some pot out of my stone pipe and went to sleep still pitching a tent.
I awoke the next morning still hard, I just took care of myself though. She left soon after that and I went about my day. Every time I got high or drank some alcohol for the next 4 or five days the purplish tint that is common to my DXM experience would come back, as well as the kind of trippy mind state.
First Trip with an Old Friend
630mg at friendís apartment November 2002
My dad and I went to visit my mom for Thanksgiving. We flew and my dad rented a car. We did the whole family dinner thing on Thursday but on Friday evening I went over to one of my old friends apartment to visit and stay the night (Weíll call him M). M is several years older than I but by this time his tripping experience was only a little more and he had not had near the variety or education on the subject that I have. I was quite excited to trip with him because he is one of my most intelligent friends, and I missed my first chance to trip acid with him when I was 14. We spent the night looking for Ketamine, but when we found none we went with plan B DXM.
While we were waiting for the K we both took to high powered ephedrine pills and by 10p I was wired. He got back from purchasing the stuff, 4 4oz bottles cough syrup and a six pack of Killeenís Irish Red, Iíve found that drinking a small amount of beer after drinking the syrup helps to settle the stomach and sets the effects in faster. We started drinking the stuff around 11.
At 11:30 Conan came on and we watched that for a while but we spent more time talking and smoking pot. The pot where my mom lives in the desert is of a much higher grade than that of the Midwest and so it was affecting the visuals of the trip a lot stronger. At some point his neighbor, an X raver chick who had apparently burned herself a bit with X came over and we talked to her quite a while. She left before long and we turned the TV off.
We began listening to Toolís Lateralus and talking about music. We began to talk about how Lateralus is so much different from Toolís previous works and I put forth my theory that Maynard had found god and was experimenting hard core with Dissociative anesthetics. After all Aenima came out in 95 and after that is when all the Ketamine studies began coming out. Also the style of playing and lyrics have a much more Dissociative feel to them, unlike previous albums which seemed to have a more acid like vibe to them (the whole mad chaos thing). M found my point to be very well thought out and our conversation moved towards the topic of drugs.
He began to tell me how similar DXM felt to Ketamine, I have been very interested in trying K but itís not widely available where I live. I began to regale him with the stories I had read online and talked about how it had been my impression that at the high doses the two were almost completely indistinguishable in effect. We also began to talk about God or the Divine as I like to put it, and how we had both rediscovered it. Mís little brother told me he had become religious and this had caused a bit of concern for me but upon talking with him I realized he had found the same thing I had.
It was quite wonderful finally someone who felt like me and that I could talk with on my level. He related the same back to me telling me of how he has no intellectual friend to talk about all his ideas with any more now that Iíve moved away, also I seem to be the only person he has met who has the zest for tripping (if not more so) that he does. We miss each other greatly.
As the time wore on the horrible gas associated with drinking cough syrup started to affect M. He kept going to the bathroom to relieve himself only to find there was nothing to relieve. During this period that I was alone on his couch I had a vision. The vision was that of my soul, my energy, coming back to the desert, and then I saw the mountains and the desert and rain and my soul out in the desert going through a huge change. The vision continued on giving me hints at what might possibly happen to me in the future, or rather what NEEDS to happen to me in the future. Like it was predetermined and if I didnít follow the path laid out in front of me I would never be whole.
As M came out of the bathroom the vision got sucked up into a spinning vortex that was twisting and turning through the center of his apartment. I also felt the vortex pulling me towards it but for some reason it couldnít pull me in. I told M about it and he said that was some crazy shit.
Daylight was coming fast but neither of us could sleep, I knew my dad would be there early that morning to collect me for an outing in a park in the Capital City of that state. I could not go to sleep and I was having strange delusions about M as he went in and out of the bathroom. I was convinced he had a drug problem and he was going into the bathroom to snort coke, but I knew he could sense my paranoia, he confirmed that later when we talked about our trip.
I had not even fallen asleep by the time my dad came to get me; we left and went toward the pick nick in the park. Having had no sleep I was still in an extremely altered state, there was a sort of refreshing feeling about pushing my body and mind to the test its limits. On the way to the pick nick I read in the car, I started a book my aunt had let me borrow called ďThe Comic Serpent, DNA and the Origins of KnowledgeĒ by Jeremy Narby. The book was about Indians in the Amazon taking Ayahuasca and having visions and he was relating their visions to things we are just now learning in science, quite interesting.
When we got to the park I wondered around by myself for the most part, wandering around watching and observing everything around me. I made quite a few realizations about the poor people who were being worked over by this pyramid scheme that my mom was apart of. Iíve tried to tell her what I think about it but she doesnít take to kindly to the criticism
There were a lot of other people in this park too, I watched them as well. Mostly white collar suburban types, quite trite and predictable; I had the strange sense that every time I made eye contact with some one I could tell the general feel of what they were thinking about.
There were also free range chickens and other foul roaming this park, as well as many grapefruit and other citrus trees. As I walked around I picked a leaf off of almost ever kind of bush I came into contact with and chewed it, Iím not quite sure why but I think it was because my enhanced sense of smell. Some how it seemed I gained some insight into the properties of these plants but that insight has been lost to me since.
I talked to my dad about what had happened to me the night before but I was very vague in what the description of my vision and such, I was still quite uneasy about the idea of having my destiny some what predetermined. Also I didnít want to hurt his feelings by telling him I wanted to move back to where my mom lives.
At one point I saw a homeless looking man studying a book in at a table in this park. Something told me to go and sit with him. The man was fairly young looking; he told me he was twenty seven. He was reading out of a book that looked like a bible but was written in 2 different languages, one was obviously Hebrew but the other I didnít recognize. He was studying stories out of the bible and writing notes about them. We didnít talk very much, just short spurts of conversation. We exchanged where we were from and I told him about the strange state of mind I was in. He asked me if I smoked pot and I told him yes so we smoked a half burned joint that he produced. I got fairly high of this and we continued to sit in silence for the most part.
At one point I asked him if he had graduated high school he said no and that he didnít recommend it. This was a very strange thing he said to me and I spent a lot of time contemplating his meaning. I asked him some about his bible and he told me a little bit about it but what he talked about was so different from what I had learned as a child in Sunday school I was lost in any further discussion of the subject. I asked him if he had any papers and he said no but turned to the back of his bible and ripped a small square out of one of the blank pages, there were already several chunks missing.
I rolled a joint and we smoked it in two sessions, I left him with the roach and when I saw my mom approaching I told him goodbye, not wanting my mom to disturb his study. She was about ready to go, but still had to say her good byes. I drove about a hundred mile leg of the journey back home and went back to Mís to discuss our trip. After that I went back to my momís and went to bed early.
This trip strengthened the bond I have with an old friend and since then we talk on the phone almost every week (I have free long distance on my cell).
New Friends and My new little brother
630 mg at home December 2002
I went to a friend that I had been becoming very close with recently (C) and we got on the idea to trip, another friend that I had known for a couple years but had just started hanging out with was with us (B). I had spent my fun money out of my paycheck on a back of weed and had gotten skimped; I pledged the entire bag to out trip. Since I bought the pot C covered me on the syrup and B bought his own. I was quite excited to trip with my new friends, the only two people Iíd met in my home town who were into tripping.
For some reason it was hard for us to down the stuff but we got it down. I ate about 20 minutes after ingesting and we drank some beer to help settle the trip. C has had a history of puking every time he took DXM but that didnít surprise me because he never took precaution like fasting and not taking Coricidin. I also told him if he convinced himself he wouldnít puke it would be less likely. We sat in my room listening to music awaiting the onset. Around the time just before the peak C puked on my floor and B and I had to clean it up, not to bad just the foul stench of good old Robo Max. After that he was fine. We then started playing Quake 3, I was a killing machine, and I racked up 20 kills in less the 2 minutes on the next to hardest skill level. This scared me because I didnít remember anything but shooting. I decided to quit playing so C and I started to talk about music and I felt the strong urge to listen to Lateralus, so I started looking for it.
I couldnít find my cd and was becoming a bit frantic, and then C told me that a friend of his that had come over to my house recently had stole it. At this point I became very distraught and angry because I had like this person who stole my favorite CD. C told me that he had stolen it back from him and planned on giving it back to me. I was frantic and couldnít live with out the CD so the 2 of us got in the car leaving B at my computer playing quake.
The drive was quite weird, driving felt like I was piloting a small space craft of some kind. I drove pretty well and we got to his house safely. We went in and his dad was sitting at the kitchen table. I donít know if he knew we were tripping or not but I suppose he must have suspected. We got my CDís and C got a bowl of bud from his dad, the good stuff. We climbed back in my space ship and flew back to my planet to find B still trying to beat Quake, obviously I was the only one turned into a killing machine by this drug.
We killed the video game and sat back to listen to Toolís great vibes. C told me a lot about his life when he was growing up and we were sharing a very close bond. I told him it felt like he was my little brother and he said that was so cool because the only person who had ever taken enough interest in him to call him his brother was the kid down the street who use to always pick on him in front of other people but use him and pretend to be his friend when they were alone. This was a very enriching experience.
B was sitting on the van seat in my room very quietly for a long time; he looked like he might be having a hard time coming to terms with the drug. Then at once he got up and started dancing. It was a very fluidic trip inspired dance that flowed very well with the music. It was awesome, C and I watch for a while before letting it become the perfect back ground for our close discussion. At an intense point near the end of the CD we stopped talking to watch B dance again, at this point I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes, I wasnít aware of it but B was dancing extremely close to my face
After I closed my eyes I found my spot, a certain spot that exists in my consciousness that I can access when Iím altered or sometimes when Iím meditating. When I focus on this spot interesting things always happen. This time I felt myself being sucked down into the vortex of the spot but I didnít want to follow it this time that was something for later. So I let the spot go and open my eyes and there was B waving his arms around inches from my face, we all started laughing.
The night continued on like this through several CDís, B dancing and C and I talking about our pasts. Finally B sat down admitting he was tired and C and I agreed that we were too. I offered C the bed in the front bedroom but he forfeited it to B and opted for the couch.
After this night C and I spent a lot of time together until he began to become an asshole with me because I told him to be more careful about his drug use (as an older brother should right?) We have only tripped together on Salvia since and now we hardly hang out at all. I get tired of his closed mind and I canít bear to watch people I care about abuse drugs and alcohol.
Hanging with my dad and journey into metaphysics
1260 mg in two sittings at home February 2003
I had purchased 2 large bottles of Robo Max the day before, planning my trip out fully. I also fasted for 2 days and drank no alcohol during the time of fast. I believe I had to go to work on that morning and spent the after noon cleaning my room and the living room and generally just picking up around the house. I built myself a small alter with candles, a large metal tray incense and the bottles of Robo. I wrote a prayer before hand and burned it in my alter; the ashes are still there as I write.
My dad had been wanting to do something with me but I had already planned to trip, I wanted to do it hard core possibly reach the fourth plateau. But I didnít want to disappoint my dad either, so I decided to drink only 4/5ths of the first bottle at first and then hang out with him. He wanted to go out but I had no inclination of eating. We finally settled on watching Star Trek Nemesis at the dollar show.
My dad drove and on the way I was describing how I felt to him, I was coming up toward the first peak as we were driving and hit it right around the time we were pulling into the movie theatre parking lot. I noticed that a lot of people were driving like morons on this particular night, but I trust my dadís driving and wasnít worried.
We walked up to the line and I got that intense fear I always get when first approaching a crowd while highly altered I left my dad in line and went inside for a moment to use the restroom. When I came back out and stood in the line with my dad I inquired as to how obvious I was being. He told me that when youíre tripping you usually think every one can tell and they are all looking at you but itís just your mind playing tricks on you. The only way I was any different than usual was the fact that my pupils were the size of dimes.
I had brought 2 cigarettes with me, I usually donít smoke but I find they help ground me when Iím tripping some times, so at this point I smoked the first one. As I puffed on my cigarette I looked around and found it extremely odd that in this line of 50 or so people on a cold February evening I was the only person smoking. I spent a fair amount of time pondering that and concluded it was just a bit odd.
After purchasing our tickets I stood in line for popcorn while my dad went to use the restroom. I spent quite a bit of time eaves dropping on the conversations around me and looking at how wild looking the place was. By the time my dad got out of the restroom it was time for the movie to start so we blew off the popcorn.
Watching Star Trek was insane. At the time none of it made any sense to me, I couldnít figure out why they were going out of their way to do all these obscure pointless tasks and not to mention I was baffled by why the trekkies were laughing at certain parts of the movie. I made several comments about these things to my dad and his reply was like ďok thatís just because youíre trippingĒ. The thing that bothered me the most was that Captain Janeway from Voyager was telling Picard to go and do this mission for the federation, this raised to serious questions, A, how the hell did she get back from across the galaxy and B why was she now and admiral.
I remember the movie quite well now, probably better than if I had seen it sober. In retrospect the whole thing makes sense and the only thing I canít figure out is the captain Janeway thing. Itís quite a puzzler.
After leaving the movies I was having a caffeine crash, I forgot to mention earlier that I took 4 caffeine pills with my Robotussin. I told my dad this and he was quite hungry so we decided the best course to follow was to go to a hippeish coffee shop down town where he could eat and I could get some espresso. We talked a bit on the way there but it was mostly non important.
At the coffee shop I was really getting down on all the hippieís and lesbians and gay people there. It was really cool and I had never been there, I was watching all the people interact and it was like they had their own little community and they all knew each other. One waitress in particular caught my eye because she had the most interesting haircut I have ever seen, here hair was cut short except for here side burns, she had really long side burns. Not like a guys that grow out of his face but feminine side burns, I found this to be quite original and in a way appealing. Under different circumstances I probably would have picked up a conversation with her. At this point I smoked the second cigarette.
Soon after my dad finished eating and I was ready to go. We went back to the house where we put on some music and chilled. I started drinking the rest of my cough syrup and had the idea to mix it with grapefruit juice. This worked very well; it created a fruit punch tasting mixture that was only vaguely reminiscent of cough syrup. I drank all but the last 3rd of the second bottle this way. My dad even said the mixture wasnít entirely unpleasant tasting when I gave him a taste.
My dad sat on the couch and we listened to music while I smoked pot out of the chillum my dad had given me from his pot smoking days. I sat on the floor so that dear old dad could fill in on the lighter.
We sat there as I was coming up farther and farther, and he was regaling me with his old PCP stories, PCP being the closest drug with the closest nature to DXM that he ever did. Iíve heard the stories probably a hundred times but I always enjoy listening to him reminisce about the old days.
After some time he decided it was close to his bed time and I was ready to retreat to my room for solo exploration any ways. I went to my room and he put Miles Davis on the living room stereo loud enough so that I could hear it clearly in my room. After a few minutes of this I decided it was directing my trip in an alternate direction than the direction I wanted to travel. So I got out of my bed went to the living room turned off the music, then went into the kitchen and downed the last of the cough syrup in one big super hero gulp. Then went back to my room stripped and awaited the oncoming effects alone in my room in total darkness.
It was cold in my room but I didnít notice because of my extreme state of disassociation, my body on the other hand had other ideas. I started going into horrible muscles spasms in which every limb in my body was spasming violently out of control. At this point I became very scared I closed my eyes and I remember saying ďOh god, oh god, you canít do this to me not yet this is still to fast you canít do this to meĒ and then I sat up and puked off the side of my bed.
When I laid back down the spasms had stopped but I became aware of the fact that I couldnít hear my heart beating any more, this was quite scary, then I looked down to see if I was still breathing but it didnít look like it. I became even more scared, I had the sensation that I was starting to float up out of my body, more fear. I closed my eyes and was completely gripped by fear and loathing when the voice of a woman, the most beautiful voice Iíve ever heard called out to me ďYou donít have to be afraid any more, youíve come out this far and youíre holding together quite well, youíre a shaman now so go and help people.Ē
This is quite odd because I had never really thought of myself that way, I mean when I first heard about shamanism in that book I read after tripping with M I became quite interested and wanted to study the practice but I had never considered it as a part of myself.
When I heard the voice say that my fear and every thing melted quite fast I had my eyes closed and found my spot again, this time I focused on it and let it pull me in. As I entered into it I saw what I was beginning to see the time before, it was like a big energy vortex energy flying every which way this way and that, similar to that of the Parabola video but much more powerful. It was like I was like I was riding some kind of powerful circuit looking for some one I could plug into and help by infusing with my energy.
It didnít take very long before I found someone, it was a small young male, between the ages of 10 and 25; I donít know I couldnít see him directly only a premonition. Where he was at was daylight but he was trapped some how, as if in a car crash or something of that sort. It seemed automatic to infuse with this person and provide them support in their moment of despair, how ever it seemed they were rescued very soon after and I was gently sent back into the energy flow I tried to help 2 other people but with much less luck. Then my mental grip on my spot slipped and I opened my eyes. I thought it quite odd that I could see the stars right through my ceiling and odder still when I closed my eyes and they were still there. Odder still was it seemed I could see right through the fabric of reality and into subspace. This was a very strange experience indeed; I was at this point some kind of alien.
What was even odder was when I looked back up at the stars the constellations had changed; I didnít recognize them, very creepy indeed. I was not delusional at this point and outside of my extraordinary perception of reality and seeming strange ESP experience my mind was perfectly clear. I spent a lot of time thinking about my new revelation and what things I had to change in my life to accommodate this new identity. I realized that I had to end my life of partying and cut back on the pot smoking a lot. I need to spend more time focused on studying and meditating, less time hanging out with my drinking/pot smoking buddies. With this thought I just changed it all, I made a lot of other changes in my life course via meta-programming that night. Eventually I went to sleep to wake up the next day with a pleasant DXM hangover and the returning of the trip every time I smoked pot for over a week.
This has been the most recent time Iíve use DXM, I was going to do an extracted session with J 2 days ago but a complication in the 2nd step of our extraction cause use to loose most of the product. Also J ditched me to hang out with this girl that afternoon and there was no point in me taking the 300mg or so that was left by myself so I just tossed it.
DXM has changed my life in so many ways; it has made a huge impact on me and altered my lifeís course quite strongly. I donít know where Iíd be now without DXM. A lot of people will probably think Iím delusional or psychotic or the drug lied to me what have you. That is their opinion, but I guarantee if any one has been through what Iíve been through and seen what Iíve seen theyíd probably feel the same way I do.
This is as accurate recanting as I can come up with, I think I did try Vicks once before the tool concert though, I think that might have been the June trip and the alone trip with my girl at the time was probably more like April, Its hard to remember but not important because all I did on the Vicks trip was read conspiracy theories on the internet (LoL) and about more drug info, non important.
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