Citation: Nutmegger. "Nutmegged for 30 Hours: An Experience with Nutmeg (exp22160)". Erowid.org. Apr 14, 2006. erowid.org/exp/22160
The only drugs I had done till now were alcohol and weed (about 5 times over the past 6 months), and more recently, DXM (very low dosage, single bottle of Vicks 44). Except for my first weed trip last year, all the others gave me only an enjoyable(?) body buzz. On my first weed trip, I freaked out with severe paranoia and guilt.
I had tried nutmeg 2 times before, once taking in excess of 5 table spoons gradually over 5-6 hours, without feeling anything more than a body buzz, and a very heavy head the next day.
On a fine Thursday evening, with nothing much to do and after reading a couple more Nutmeg trip reports on Erowid, I went to a local organic food store and grabbed a small Nutmeg shaker (a West Indian variety).
Since I had read somewhere that taking Nutmeg with milk or milk shake reduces the effects, I decided to swallow 4 teaspoons straight down, with water. The setting was in my apartment which I share with 2 sober guys. I had some psychedelic screen savers and tracks ready on my computer and was eager to try out a new racing game I'd recently acquired. On every trip, my major concern has been hiding the fact that I'm stoned from these people. This time I decided I would retire to my room after an early dinner, to avoid any paranoid arising out of this, as it has earlier.
This is how my trip went. Times are accurate upto 15 mins.
8:30pm (T): Gag down 3 heaped teaspoons of Nutmeg with water. Have a reasonably heavy dinner.
9:30pm (T+1.00): Feel nothing coming on, ingest another teaspoon of nutmeg.
11:30pm (T+3.00): Playing TestDrive 5, chatting on the Internet, listening to music, reading more Nutmeg reports, waiting for the trip to come on. Drinking a lot of water to counter the dry mouth and prevent dehydration.
12:15am (T+3.45): Talked with a few friends on the phone, still nothing, except for a slightly heavy head. Decide to turn in for the night. Disappointed, but happily sleepy. (I'm an insomniac).
Approx 2:30-6:30am (T+6.00-T+10.00): Wake up with a start, have to go to pee. Feel a sudden headrush coming on as I take a leak. Stagger back to my room, trying to stay very very quiet so my roommates don't wake up. I know I'm completely stoned. Very similar to the first weed trip I freaked out on. Mind working on overdrive. Random thoughts which I can't control.
After my first weed trip, which I went on with an experienced friend, he told me that I freaked out that time, because I was trying to control my trip. This time I try to let go and enjoy it. This is what I took Nutmeg for dammit, I let myself into it, now I've gotto enjoy it.
I attach headphones to my PC and extend them with some difficulty to my bed, so I can listen to the music lying down. I also put on some visualization I like. I'm beginning to enjoy the music, and I'm mesmerized by the beautiful beautiful patterns that move in synch with my music. I can almost float with the music when I close my eyes. Getting good CEVs. Similar to those I freaked out on seeing on my weed trip.
By and by I start getting tired of the music. Moreover, I keep getting the feeling that my body is out of water, which is why it cannot metabolize the Nutmeg properly, which is why I'm having a slow, long-stretched trip. I keep drinking more and more water, then I get an uncomfortable feeling that my bladder's full, but I can't notice it because I'm numb. So I get up to take a leak....I must've trudged to the bathroom about 8-10 times.
The worst part is I can't fall asleep. I keep telling myself to turn off the music and try falling asleep. But then I'm afraid I'll stop breathing if I do, and after a few seconds of sleep, I'm fully awake again.
Finally I decide I'm bored of the music, and decide to see a light hearted movie to lift my spirits. I put Shrek on (on my computer) and settle down into a happy half-awake state watching the movie.
About halfway through the movie, a most unfortunate thing happens. The video freezes, but the sound keeps playing. After sometime the video started (my computer's unstable) but was out of synch with the sound. This freaked me out completely, I mean COMPLETELY. On one plane I realized that there was nothing wrong with me, all I needed to do was restart the movie, but feelings of paranoia crept in. I started thinking I had messed up my brain, and I was receiving Sound signals out of synch with my Visual signals. With nobody to talk to, I couldn't confirm my doubts, but I was sure my brain was messed up.I took to making random noises, playing with my clock, squeaking my bed to, etc to make sure I was receiving sound and visual signals correctly.
This is when I was trapped in a terrible thought loop. I think it was about arguing with myself that I was completely fucked up. I kept telling myself, if I was completely fucked up, I wouldn't realize I was completely fucked up, so I wasn't and so on.
Finally I sat awake in bed and realized I had to do something about it. I got up to pee yet again, and then realized I was talking to myself in the bathroom and on the way back (My roommate hinted at this the next day).
6:30am (T+10.00 hours): Finally I sit at my computer and realize this is going way to long. Even my bad trip on Weed hadn't lasted this long. I read up more trip reports on a website and convince myself that Nutmeg trips usually last longer, and I'm fine, this is normal.
7:30am (T+11.00 hours): Bored of reading news, answering mails. Wonder whether to skip school, nothing important to do and safer to stay home. I am getting really tired of the trip now. Want it to end. Though as high as a kite, decide to try and sleep the rest of the trip off, if possible.
This is where the feelounds (read the term somewhere online, and no other word could describe it anyway) kicked in. I was trying to go to sleep, when for some reason I started thinking 3 words over and over again-Sound, Eyes, Echo (perhaps, a remnant of my mind loop). Eventually the sound became more and more rythmatic, until I realized it coincided with my heart beat. From then on, Every with every slight move I made, the words jumped at me. If I decided to sigh, the words would come louder. An arm movement or blink of an eye would be a volley of these words repeated over and over again. It became so unbearable that I tried to stay as still as possible.
I wished I couldn't feel my heartbeat, but then I'd die. This made me breath deeper and from then on I heard the words echo with every breath.
10:30am (T+14.00 hours): I wake up thinking I've finally slept off my trip, but it was not to be. What I'd thought was a heavy head was actually the same heavy body buzz. I go to the bathroom yet again, and notice that my roommates have left for the day. Decide to watch some TV, but find it boring.
Now getting REALLY tense about the trip. Have I damaged my brain completely? When is this thing going to be over. I have a couple of get-togethers lined up for Friday evening, but I'm sure I'll be fine in another 2-3 hours.
Remember my experienced friend telling me that Alcohol helps getting down from a weed trip, and helped him go to sleep. I decide to finish off the handy 1/2 pint bottle of Vodka I have. Gulp down the Vodka raw with water and feel nauseatic for a few minutes.
Realize for the first time during the trip that my Short Term Memory has taken a holiday. I find myself walking back and forth between the kitchen and my room, before I realize it and stop.
Watch TV and try to sleep on the couch. Sleep still evades me. Listen to some more music but can't myself to watch Shrek. Afraid of the mind loop getting hold of me again.
Go out to smoke a cigarette and look at the people below hurrying to work or school. Remember feeling jealous of them. They have sharp minds capable of so much, while I am in my own fucked up Nutmeg world. Can feel a depression coming up. I want this trip to stop. I want to work hard like all these other people, and I'm wasting my life away on Nutmeg. Now I'll be like this (half insane) all life long, and just because I OD'd on Nutmeg?! What a loser I am.
12:30pm-2:30pm (T+16.00hours-T+18.00hours): Now I'm really freaking out. My trip should've been over several hours back. What's happening to me. How will I face the people I have to meet in the evening (They're all sober, beyond an occasional drink or two) and I wouldn't for my life want them to know what I did. I feel disgusted with myself.
Wonder if I'm going to survive this shit. I've read about Nutmeg OD causing liver failure and death. Briefly consider dialing 9-1-1: maybe it would be a better idea to go to hospital with a chance to survive than die.
Gradually overcome the panic attack, and promise myself over and over again that if I survive this experience, I'm going sober for good. I value my mind and body too much for this shit. Even decide to give up smoking and drinking to make up for the damage I've caused to my body.
2:30pm-6:30pm (T+18.00 - T+22.00 hours): Decide to call my experienced. He's at work but after hearing me blabber on the phone, he promises to drop in on the way home.
Friend drops in and we talk a while. I'm starting to feel positive now. My friend convinces me that a bad trip was part of trying out new substances, and I had to take it in my stride. I convince him to hang out at my place for some more time, while I get control over myself. Watch TV a while, and then walk over to his place, since he wants to smoke a joint.
I've resigned to my fate and decided I'll have to go through the rest of the evening in my present fucked state.
6:30pm-10:30pm (T+22.0 hours - T+26.0 hours)
The rest of the evening went by without a hitch. I feel confident now, that I managed to portray a pretty sober, confident picture of me in front of my guests, completely opposite of my fucked up state of mind. Made it a point to drink a couple of beers and some strong cocktails help me sleep through the night.
I was still feeling as bad as I was in the afternoon, but the alcohol and helped me a bit. I was used to the alcohol kick, and it was much easier to control.
Finally managed to go to sleep at about 11:30pm, vowing never to do nutmeg again, and positive I would be fine when I woke up, which I was, except for a slight alcohol hangover.
Man, that was one hell of a trip, and one hell of a long post. Sorry but I just had to get it all out. I've gained a new respect for my body and mind now, and hope to value them more from now on.
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