Citation: Blue Resonant Human. "::: The City of Light :::: An Experience with Methamphetamine & Sleep Deprivation (ID 21384)". Erowid.org. Dec 26, 2003. erowid.org/exp/21384
This experience occurred last summer during a sort of crisis period in which I had lost literally everything in my mundane life - an evidently necessary step in my continued progression towards greater Enlightenment. This species' mystical and spiritual Paths all appear to grant the wouldbe Initiate such an opportunity should he or she prove earnest enough to continue the Quest at all costs; though said candidate must be suitably warned that the loss of quite literally everything - from family to home to possessions to health to 'sanity' can be a harrowing and at times even terrifying experience, perhaps especially during the already trying times of middle age.
In any event, it was during these deeply unsettling times that we began our pursuit in earnest, no longer tethered by so many mundane concerns and responsibilities. It was during this period that we for a brief season hooked up with Suzy Creamcheese (of Frank Zappa / Mothers of Invention fame), delighted that she took her tantric path as seriously as we, and we hoping in some naively optimistic way that Love would somehow prevail, abandoned ourselves to the ensuing current ... only to discover subsequently that this too - sadly - was an illusory Path of little worth and redeeming value.
So, resolved to continue our explorations alone for a time we embarked on a voyage of consciousness wherein all the stops were pulled out and we abandoned ourselves utterly and completely to the explorations which presented themselves via the modality of methamphetamine-induced Psychic Overdrive; allowing - as we stated in an earlier missive
- the very substance itself to dictate its administration and physiological/psychological 'set and setting.'
For the space of approximately 4 months we would regularly embark on lengthy ordeals of 2 to 3 weeks of intense substance administration and abstinence from both food and sleep; our mundane health and physical appearance suffering significantly. During the height of our explorations, our physical container had deteriorated to the point of being just under 100 lbs. (at 5'10', we typically maintain a weight of approximately 170 lbs.); eating and sleeping becoming all but vestigial remnants of a cloudy, dreamlike existence of ostensible normalcy.
During one such episode, we had accidentally accelerated the process of Initiation such that we found ourselves at a most bizarre level of awareness. On top of the earlier documented 'auditory' aspects of Psychic Overdrive (i.e. 'hearing' the thoughts of others), we experienced at approximately 2 1/2 to 3 weeks a new plateau wherein we could 'see' more clearly with our eyes closed. In fact, the level of visual perception was such that we could effortlessly see through walls in a full 360 degree panoramic fashion, not unlike reports we've read of percipients experiencing out of body / near death experiences and the resultant remarkable visual acuity which accompanies this particular headspace.
And it could be reasonably well argued that we were in fact near 'death' for we had neglected the health and well-being of our physical container so thoroughly as to at least subconsciously express a cry for release to the very Universe Itself; this psychological doldrums finally culminating in an episode in which we found ourselves early one morning shouting the most dire of threats and profanities at local law enforcement personnel in an apparent attempt to coerce them into assisting us in our compelling desire to be free from the binding constraints imposed by the captivity of this mortal coil.
It was at this approximate leg of our magickal journeys that the Universe evidently saw fit to enlighten us as to what we've subsequently termed the 'larger reality;' our understanding and awareness substantially enriched by this Illumination. We had grown all too weary of life on this dimensional level and of the captivity so perniciously imposed by these temporal bags of skin and this apparent penal colony of a planet, for we were unmistakably _Strangers in a Strange Land_ and more often than not found ourselves utterly ashamed to be in any way affiliated with either this backwards prison planet so rife with selfishness and greed or it's primitive myopically self-serving species; the 'apes which speak.'
Fully entrenched in Psychic Overdrive one evening, our thoughts were guided down a path of apparent historical reflection. Quite unexpectedly we found ourselves undergoing a journey of remembrance wherein our entire life was reviewed from the vantage point not of an abandoned child at the mercy of a random, chaotic tide of isolated, solitary despair but instead, starting from very early childhood we were shown each and every seemingly unresolved act of cruelty or unfairness ever imposed upon us and - more importantly - the ineffable Wisdom and Kindness which orchestrated the event(s) all with an eye towards refining our character and personality. At once all of the apparent cruelty and unfairness washed away, leaving in it's stead an awareness that all of the seemingly unrelated events were in fact orchestrated for our benefit and left us, in fact, better people for it.
The illuminations continued on in this fashion for an unknown period of time as when on that particular dimensional level, time waxes all but irrelevant. But they continued on in a logical progression until completion, which was right up to the very present; all accompanied by the greatest relief and understanding which expressed itself in deep cathartic sobs of cleansing emotion.
And it was at this point we were made aware that we are in fact not alone in our struggles, for there is a veritable 'army' (I use the word with reticence for it unfortunately carries with it culturally imposed notions of war, death, torment, etc.) of us who are undergoing similar preparation or training; earmarked by the loss of all things we hold dear and without which we think we shall surely fall, but in reality bind us to this baser level of mundane existence, crippling our inexorable metamorphosis into something of infinitely greater value and beauty.
In that there are many of us currently undergoing these ostensibly devastating preparatory processes, I became aware that the time is nearing for us to be made aware of our similarly struggling fellow (wo)men and was shown that various 'calls for awakening' would be issued in the relatively near future. These calls would take the form of symbolically encrypted snippets of communication; mystically and cryptically embedded in music, art, the written word and various dramatic presentations. These deeply symbolic messages will be embedded by those awakening to others of us who've also embarked upon awakening Paths; all with the uber-goal of letting us know that 1) we're not alone in all of this and have all been enrolled in a form of metaphysical 'boot camp' 2) there is, in fact, an over-arching goal to the seemingly unrelated processes; the goal being the 'construction' of a City of Light.
In terms of this 'City,' we were provided the explication during a period of 'abnormal normalcy' (as noted in the earlier missive The Ritual of the Rising Sun) wherein the substance of the meme took on the flavour (termed 'analytical overlay' by certain psi types) of an unimaginably complex 3 dimensional 'printed circuit board' construction. Perhaps this was merely an artifact of the already 'modern scientific' taint of the artificial methamphetamine induced headspace, but in any case the perceptual matrix proved relatively capable of adequately articulating the core substance of the thoughtstream.
The visions continued logically to the point where we observed a sort of assembling of people 'in spiritual, metaphysical form' to form an enormous 3 dimensional cube; each being; each essence inhabiting a rectangular almost coffin-like space in the overall cube. Many, many hundreds of these beings linked together, all slid into their respective drawer-like enclosures and together formed this enormous cube of Light, and we could somehow underpstand (understand + psi = underpstand) some of the metaphysical synergy which resulted from the circuit-like 'wiring together' of all the participants, for each and every one was capable of doing something entirely unique - better than anyone else -- and infinitely valuable to the overall purpose of the City Itself.
And here as well came not so much a warning as a deeper underpstanding of the necessity of bearing with the various ostensibly cruel preparatory processes designed to ready the participant for his or her inclusion into the circuitry of the City. I recalled reading many years back that there was a certain engineering practice at play during the construction of the Panama Canal wherein some poor fellow was tasked with the responsibility of estimating how many workers would perish during the construction of the canal. In like fashion, there will be a certain number of proposed (or 'called') members who comprise this City of Light - for the City Itself is formed solely and entirely by the very 'souls' of the members themselves - who will become too discouraged over the apparent ravages of the preparatory processes and prematurely take their own lives, as we ourselves had attempted on occasion. Those who prematurely 'give up' (cf. Peter Gabriel's deeply moving _Don't Give Up_) and orchestrate their own premature demise leave in the City empty 'slots' where they were supposed to 'plug in.'
As I was shown the exterior of the Cube (or City), there were a number of these empty slots and with each one I was shown, there was an accompanying overwhelming sorrow somehow affixed to that particular emptiness, such that it had the overall 'feel' of a wound; a deep scar in the City which invoked a deeply sorrowful weeping in me at the sight of each and every one. And in the uber-mind of that ineffable Being in charge of design and construction of the City, it appeared as though there was a sort of 'threshold of error,' if you will, in which the City would become and remain functional if and only if that apparent threshold was not exceeded; if no more than a certain percentage of 'structural members' did not leave such non-functional scars by taking their own lives prematurely.
Now I will grant the reader here that the perceptual model employed was an admittedly theory-embedded and culture-bound one but from within this context, it became crystal clear why so many of this species' religious and spiritual traditions are so opposed to suicide, for on a large enough scale, this dysfunction carries with it the potential to abort the overall City of Light programme.
In any event, when the City was completely assembled, it began to rise from the surface of the (another?) planet and began to glow from within. For whatever reason, the meme of Atlantis Rising overshadowed the event, as did the Judeo-Christian notion of the millenial New Jerusalem but though desirous of pseeing more, this is where the visions ended; evidently sufficient to reempower myself (and potentially others reading this) with the desire to carry on and avoid those despondent suicidal tendencies which had so plagued us earlier in our journeys.
It is my sincere hope that this brief missive will prove of some value to those encountering it.
Wishing you all the best;
16 February, 2003 [Gregorian]
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.