Citation: Enigma. "The First Few Times are Great: An Experience with Cocaine (exp21191)". Erowid.org. Sep 16, 2007. erowid.org/exp/21191
||(powder / crystals)
The first time I used, I thought it was the best drug in the world. I was wide eyed and awake. I didn't want to stop talking about the most random things, and felt as though I were on top of the world. My nose ran the slightest bit, but it soon stopped. At this time, I bought about 4 grams of coke to call my very own.
A couple of times after that, I experienced the same amount of elation, and the only bad side effects I experienced were a tad bit of paranoia (very little) since I live with my parents and didn't want them to find little white pieces of rock lying around on the carpet or on my clothes, and slight nasal congestion. The nasal congestion was not a big deal because I also had a cold at the same time, so did not seem out of the ordinary.
After the first few times, however, paranoia set in. Whenever I was driving and I was carrying the coke, or high off the coke, every car became a cop car. The white cars were most definetly cop cars, and the darker ones were sheriff cars. I thought people were always looking at me funny because I accidently had a trace of powder on my clothes, or the purse that I was carrying around. At one point, every second I could've sworn that my nose was bleeding, and I had to keep pulling out a compact mirror to make sure that it wasn't. One morning at 6:45 am, I woke up and could not go back to sleep and had to keep my blinds open and kept looking out of them because I swore that a cop car was going to pull in the driveway and demand to search the house.
If the previous type of paranoia wasn't enough, I then became paranoid that I was having a heart attack or stroke, while other negative physical symptoms began to set in. My left arm would become numb or start to tingle, my chest would start to hurt or feel tight, sometimes I could feel my heart muscle pumping, other times the whole left side of my body would feel numb, and I would have the worst headache and couldn't see straight.
Feelings of guilt and depression would take over my mind, and I would frequently suffer from panic attacks. The coke was no longer fun, and I would not feel like I was on top of the world. I felt like everyone was after me, like there was nothing left in the world. I became more and more depressed. The worst part is is that I would still buy more. I was chasing a high that would never catch again, or if I could, it wouldn't be for a very long time. That was all that there was left for me, though. Nothing else could make me feel the same way, so I thought. I found out I was wrong. No, I didn't go to a detox center, or almost die to figure out that there is more to life than blow. I just had to hit what was rock bottom, for me, to want to quit. I had tried numerous times in the past, but I wasn't truly ready to give the chase up.
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