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Just Wasn't the Same
MDMA (Ecstasy)
Citation:   Horse of the Evil. "Just Wasn't the Same: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp20507)". Oct 25, 2005.

1 tablet oral MDMA
For the last year, ecstasy was my 'drug of choice', even thought I haven't taken it over this period...

Let me explain it: In the end of 2001 I spent 3 months in Spain, where I basically studied spanish and partied like a madman. It was a break I took from my life back home, where I had a great deal of responsibility in my job, even thought I was only 22. I started to get tired of it and decided I needed a break, so I went to Spain, I was in the mood for partying, enjoying myself and exploring new things.

Before my trip I had only had experience with alcohol and pot, and I wasnīt a heavy consumer of either of them. My days in Spain started to change that, I started to smoke pot everyday and got more open minded about other drugs. There was a nightclub in town which opened at 6 a.m. and only played techno music, everybody told me that was amazing and I kept asking myself how can a place that opens at 6 a.m. be amazing? What do you guys do there that's so amazing? The answer I got was: We roll on E.

I was very frightened at first at the idea of doing E, but I thought that this was a unique opportunity and that's what the trip was all about anyway. So I went to bed at 10 saturday night, woke up at 5:30 a.m. and walked like a zombie in the cold weather of november until I got to the club. I took the pill just before I entered, a 'Mitsubishi', I can never forget.

I started to look around and found everything really different from any place I've ever been to, but I must say I found it awesome, music ruled and the people there were really interesting, I could feel a good vibe, even thought the pill wasn't working yet. Along with that I was with some good friends I made there, all of whom had already rolled, and they kept telling me not to worry it would be great. So I started to dance and almost forgot about the pill. Some time later I looked at a girl and thought 'this is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life', and a wave of happiness took control of my body, I must have looked like an asshole right then because all of my friends instantly realized that I was rolling. The rest of the night was wonderful, everything was great, the water, the hugs, the music, the people, the girls (man, they were beautiful), I was dancing my ass off and feeling great. When the party ended I finally realized why it started at 6 a.m., to end at 11 a.m. so we could see the river and the park located outside the club, the most amazing view I had in my whole life, wow. I went there 4 more times after this day (always 1 pill at a time), every saturday until the day of my return to Brazil, every time was great, I was just loving it.

Now this is the thing, I live in Northeast Brazil where the rave scene is almost nonexistant and finding pills is harder than hell. After coming back home I spent more than a year without taking E, but I never forgot my 5 special nights. I kept planning the day when I would take it again, spent a lot of time searching online information about the drug, probably read every single experience report on MDMA.

The big day came 1 year and 7 days after my last experience. The scenario was a rave in the parking lot of a shopping mall (I live in a 2 million people city, so there was a lot of people there), best DJs in the country would be there and I was looking forward to it. And, the most important, we (me and 3 friends) finally had the pills.

The feeling was definitely back, the rush, the sweating, the sensitive aspect, etc. But just wasn't the same, I don't know, maybe it was my high expectations, maybe it was the pill, maybe it was the surroundings (only 10% of the people were on E, in Spain would be 90%), maybe was the antidepressants I'm on (I stopped taking them one week before the experience).

Anyway, it was a good experience, but definitely not quite as good as the other ones, it showed me that E isnīt everything. Iīll probably do it again some other time, but I donīt have the same expectations about the drug anymore. This might be the key, the less I expect, the more I get.

The lesson I took was that: Live the moments as much as you can, because they will never happen the same way again.


Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 20507
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 25, 2005Views: 10,361
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MDMA (3) : General (1), Loss of Magic (34), Retrospective / Summary (11), Club / Bar (25)

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