I Never Meant to Do This to Myself
Amphetamines (Adderall)
by Kimberly
Citation:   Kimberly. "I Never Meant to Do This to Myself: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp20237)". Erowid.org. Feb 23, 2021. erowid.org/exp/20237

 
DOSE:
    Amphetamines (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 189 lb


I was abusing Adderall for three years....three to four-day binges once a month. I would ingest up to three-hundred milligrams in a twenty-four hour period. Along with the Adderall abuse, there were various other drugs being used....cannabis, prescription narcotics, opiates....and others that I cannot remember. Plus I was being treated for a psychiatric disorder. So I was taking mood-stablizers and antipsychotics, also.

Adderall was great for about the first year. I would, like most Adderall abusers, be witty, on the ball, and feel more intelligent. Happier, if you will. It all changed. I became increasingly depressed, un-motivated, irritable, lethargic, psychotic, un-organized....and that was not the end of it. My mood was never stable, I became withdrawn from family and friends, I slept frequently, and my thoughts would race out of control. I pretty much stopped caring about myself and the people around me.
There were several, several times where I would be concerned about taking one more pill because I knew it might be fatal. Most of the time I would take the pill anyway. I have overdosed before, and you will develop heart rhythm abnormalities. A dangerous arrythmia. And it will kill you. Your heart will just go into spasms and just give out. Easy as that. I have become so sensitive to Adderall that only thirty milligrams will send me flying. I have residual psychological problems, plus I know the chemistry in my brain is not the same anymore. I must have the brain of a fifty-five year old by now. And I am only twenty-five.

I have been clean of Adderall and the various other substances now for about two and a half months. I just became so mentally and physically sick from everything I was putting in my body....I couldn't take the hell anymore so I just quit one day. I am doing so, so much better than before...I am a completley different person, and I am happy for once in my life. I began doing drugs to achieve that happiness, but eventually had to stop doing drugs - just to gain back that which had been lost.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 20237
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 23, 2021Views: 321
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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