Citation: Blazed. "The Destroyer of Anxieties: An Experience with Clonazepam & Cannabis (exp20227)". Erowid.org. Feb 12, 2004. erowid.org/exp/20227
I decided to take .25mg (half of a .5mg pill) of the clonazepam because Iím not really sure what itís going to do. The obvious effects shouldcome on in the form similar to that of Valium and Xanax (since theyíre in the same family). But Iím almost positive that it wonít feel the same since Xanax (alprazolam) feels different than Valium (diazepam).
TOI: 9:36pm, didnít notice any taste
9:40 My head is beginning to feel like itís being squeezed ever so gently from the inside to the outside back to the inside.
9:42 Fuck, this drug took on quick. Iím not kidding. Maybe it just seems like itís quicker and more powerful since Iíve never taken it and donít have any tolerance for it.
9:48 It feels like Iím scared inside my chest. Itís my heart. Itís doing funny things. It feels like Iím watching a horror movie, and my heart is jumping at the scary parts, which occur constantly.
10:17 About 20min ago, I went outside to smoke a cig, and I noticed a few things: balance was more difficult to controlÖ (weak feeling in the kneesÖ not like walking was difficult, but more like I couldnít support the weight of my body), and I could still think like I usually do minus any feeling of anxiety.
10:19 As of now, I feel great. A mind thatís not infested with anxieties is a beautiful thing. This is how my mind should work on a normal basis; however, I had to be born and raised differently.
10:25 Iím listening to old songs that would under any other circumstances make me feel sad, rerunning past memories of loneliness through me. But this time itís like Iím clean from the mind maggots that eat away at me every fucking day.
10:33 Iím porcelain being, fragile to the touch. I donít want to communicate with othersÖ theyíd just make me into themselves.
I found that social psychology has a tremendous impact on me. The more Iím outside, the more hurt I get (either my people not liking me, or by adapting myself to my social surroundings: ignoring some people and turning into others). The only time I feel safe is when Iím alone. If I could help it, Iíd make it so that I was the only one in the universe. Itís been proven that people need other people, but my explanation is that my dependency drive is the lowest on the hierarchy of all drives.
10:37 I feel weak when I get up, but my mental functions are holding on strong. Itís like Iím more prepared for things. Itís like I got what I need to take on the world (mentally). Physically, Iíd say Iíd need speed, but letís not be a total drug-head at this point.
10:51 My current opinion of clonazepam is that itís a good drug, and I will do it againÖ starting now.
TOI: as I swallowed, the clock struck 10:55
Total peace of mind is something so incredibly special to me that I donít ever want to let it go. The problem is that I might learn helplessness. This would be a very serious problem. These types of drugs cause the breakdown of the psychological self.
10:57 My mouth feels a little dry. Then again, I havenít drunk water in a long time. Nevertheless, I know itís the clonazepam.
10:59 Hey, itís almost 11. Where has time gone off to? What have I been doing? Damn.
11:13 Lying down felt too good. I didnít want to get up for anything, but I have to go take a piss .
The head feeling is still present, but it feels like I got used to it. Itís as if the only thing happening was that all of my anxieties were squashed, I gained a new found power to deal with life (confidence in myself and my abilities), and I think Iíd melt away in the sheets if Iíd lie down again.
12:38 This is a great drug.
TOI: 12:44, .5mg this time
12:48 The stronger head effects are coming back. This is good. This is what I enjoyed the last time.
12:57 Although, it just seems to stop thereÖ what are these head effects? What is exactly happening inside of my brain? Clonazepam in larger doses should cause sleepÖ so where is it? ÖI wonít complain. I feel good.
1:17 Iím feeling pretty good. And how about yourself? I wish I could go to sleep, but why would I want to wake up in hell?
1:24 I think I pretty much said all I needed to sayÖ all thatís going on right now is that Iím experiencing heftier effects than before. As I look around, I seem to want to smoke a little weed to blast myself out of consciousness. This is what I do. This is me. Donít judge.
TOS: 1:59, ahh
2:13 The weed hit (I took 5 hits from my bowl). Iím high fucking high, and itís all without any paranoia, nor anxieties rattling my brain. I thought about a few things tooÖ it felt like this was a comparable high to that of Xanax w/ weed.
2:18 Iím getting dizzy too. Whoa, it fucking hit with power. Iím falling backwards. FallingÖ shit. Fuck. Fuck.
I want this to end. I need to pass out.
2:26 My head is ready to explode. I feel like I am done for good. Will I wake up half brain dead and half wasted?
Shit, Iím fucking wasted.
2:49 I watched the Iceman and the Psychiatrist on HBO+W. That was a tremendous experience, and it made me think about how much psychology means to me. I need it to understand myself and to understand others (so that I could figure them out so I could live without any of my anxieties with them).
3:12 Thereís one thing I forgot to mentionÖ the weed sped my brain functions back up, allowing me to further stay conscious and report.
3:25 I went out, smoked a cig and thought. I came to a hypothesis: Clonazepam is a different drug from Xanax, thatís why these chemicals are prescribed to different people with different problems. HoweverÖ
Xanax + weed (is just as enjoyable as) Klonopin + weed
I thought about barbiturates and how theyíre addictive. What they do is send you to a far off different world thatís absent of anxieties, and some fears are generally reduced. After the addiction develops, the return off of the drugs is into hell (like I said when I thought about how Iíd feel later when I wake up). A person then doesnít know how to deal with all of whatís going on inside themselves (their minds).
This is a powerful high, and I could see how some people might fear it. Youíre so fucked up and so far from reality, your head is spinning, dizziness kills, and the problems with the world leave your cranium.
Itís not like heroin where youíre off in a dreamland of pleasure.
Itís not like weed where youíre just high.
Itís not like cocaine where youíre just numb and dumb to everything, while horny.
And itís not like speed where you figure out that youíre capable of moving mountains.
Itís like youíve stepped out of reality and entered a world of absolute tranquility.
Nothing matters, and thatís a huge problem.
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