Citation: Pinky. "Really Didn't Know What To Expect: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & AMT (exp19412)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2002. erowid.org/exp/19412
I went to a rave one Saturday night with some friends: J, E, and W (all guys except me). We hung out at my place first, getting ready and drinking lots of orange juice. We also took Vitamin C pills. We ate a very light dinner before leaving.
It took about an hour and a half to drive to the rave. We stopped at a gas station a mile or so from the site and took the ecstasy there. We each had a double stack. A friend of ours made them. We got to the rave and hung out for about 15-20 minutes. I started feeling sort of an anxious/nervous feeling in my stomach, but in a good way. That's the first feeling of the ecstasy. After feeling like that for a bit, I got lots of energy and went out on the dance floor to dance. We popped out glow sticks and got after it.
On ecstasy, I don't 'lose myself.' I know where I'm at, what I'm doing, and I don't lose my inhibitions. It's just a pure high. I felt as if all of my senses were as one. Even outside of me - the music, the lights, the other people, they all felt like a part of me. It felt as if every sensation I had was positively multiplied and synchronized with my other senses. A truly amazing experience within myself (and not an 'out-of-body purely spiritual psychadelic experience).
It took about an hour to get to the peak of the high. The peak is such an intense feeling of positive energy that I could hardly contain myself. I wanted everyone to be able to enjoy this euphoria. Our peak high lasted about four hours. (The pills we had that night were very intense, but not as long-lasting as other pills I'd had.) At that point, I could feel myself coming down a little bit.
Coming down is weird. I am still a part of that amazing sensational wonderland, but I start to catch glimpses of what the 'normal world' is like, too. I was just going along, dancing or whatever, and I'd realize, 'this doesn't feel quite as good as it did an hour ago.' And then I'd be back at it again. It was a slow come-down, but it didn't *feel* slow... Finally, one time when I realized that it didn't feel quite as good as before, I just didn't go back to feeling great again. Be prepared, because that's a real let down.
It was enough of a let down for me that night that I went looking for more drugs. I found a guy who had a capsule of AMT. He offered to give it to me if I'd give him a ride home. I didn't know him, but I figured, what the hell, I'll do it. I took the capsule and the night went downhill from there.
I had done ecstasy several times before, but never AMT. I didn't really know what to expect - perhaps if I had, it wouldn't have been so freaky. It took forever to set in, and I started to think the guy I got it from got a free ride home. About an hour and 15 minutes after I took it, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I went outside and threw up a little bit. My other friends, who had come down from the X and didn't get more pills, were all ready to go home, so we left. We stopped at a gas station before leaving town, and I threw up *really bad*. When I came out of the bathroom, the whole gas station was spinning and I felt like I was walking through another dimension - one that nobody else could ever be a part of.
Back in the car for the hour and a half 'trip' home, I saw what looked like rainbow-striped water droplets falling onto the windshield and blowing back over the top of the car. That was really cool. I also saw buildings that weren't really there. None of that was really freaky. I felt a little bit out of it, and just stared at the road most of the way home.
When we pulled up at my apartment an hour and a half later, I hardly knew where I was. I knew 'This is my apartment,' but it seemed so grossly different that I was almost sure I must have been wrong. As soon as I stood up, I felt very sick and almost threw up again. E and W went home. I just stood outside my door for a while until J came to get me and take me inside. That's when it got freaky.
I couldn't walk quite right - I was very slow and off-balance. I laid down on my bed and tried to close my eyes to get away from the feeling and the visuals, but it was all there when I closed my eyes, too - maybe worse. I saw a man in the corner, and screamed for J to help me. He didn't understand. When he said that no one was there, it didn't help - it made it worse. It made me more afraid of the man who was coming to get me, and J couldn't save me because he didn't even know the man was there.
I fell off the side of my bed. As I was lying there, I felt my body slipping away... It felt like the physical matter of my body was melting away and being poured out through a funnel. I was dripping out on the other side, and I didn't know where my body was going... that really scared me.
Everything turned a distgusting shade of peuk-green. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. Every few minutes I would scream at J (who was trying to go to sleep), 'Are you real? I need to know! Where are you? Are you here? Are you real? I need to touch you!' And if he didn't respond, I grew more desperate and fearful that even the one thing I had to keep me sane was not real, and I would be crazy forever.
I began to think (realize) that if I stayed inside, I would surely suffocate and die, so I hurried for the front door. I ran outside and was about to take off down the street when J caught me and tried to pull me back to the house. I screamed and told him that I would die if he took me back in there, and that I needed to be free. He didn't listen, so I thought he was in on the plot against me. As he was falling asleep, I tried to run away again. He heard the door open, and chased me down again to bring me inside.
After *several* hours of this, I started coming down a little bit. That wasn't as creepy to me - I think as a 'first-timer' with a psychadelic drug I needed a lower intensity. It was still a long time - another several hours - before I got to sleep, and when I finally did, it was wonderful.
I think the main reason my experience with the AMT was so scary for me was that it was the first time I had done anything besides ecstasy or weed. I had no experience with psychadelic trips, and I really didn't know what to expect. J (the person I was with) also had never had experience with these, so he didn't know what to do either. Looking back, the experience wasn't all bad. I think a different situation would have helped immensely. I would try it again, but I would definately do things differently.
I would take the AMT first (before the X) and be in an environment with other people who were tripping. As I started coming down from the AMT, I'd take the ecstasy. That way, the first part of my experience (the AMT) I would be lost in another dimension and finding new things, and in the last part of the experience, I would be happy and could share my previous experience with other people.
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