Citation: Zonker. "Breaking Through: An Experience with Salvia divinorum & Alcohol (exp19057)". Erowid.org. Mar 15, 2006. erowid.org/exp/19057
Tonight after a 'six' of pale ale, I worked up my courage to open my bag of Salvia again. After six and a half years of devout sobriety, I'm still substance-naive, and the previous few Salvia trips had been so strong I'd decided the herb I had was 'probably dried out,' and 'no good.' Tonight my liquid courage told me well, hell, if everybody wants to smoke their bud alone on the full moon like it's the fucking secret of the universe or something, fine. Fuck 'em. I wanted to get high, and I didn't care if it was alone, in a group, at a party, whatever. I'm sick of pretending there's some High Religious significance to every little drug. I live in a whitebread town, I told myself, and if I want to find bud, especially at this hour, I'm screwed. 'Sides, maybe the salvia isn't *too* dry, and I can walk around the lake and maybe not get very paranoid about getting caught. So, I grabbed the chillum (carved it myself, just for the salvia!) and headed out to the lake.
I stopped beside a fence where I would be well covered, as if 1:30 in the morning were the time I would be spied by many people out walking at random. I thought I'd be able to get to the lake-side before the salvia took hold. Well, no such luck. Before I knew it, I was in salvia land again. O my God. How do I describe the shock of popping into a world where Beings who are much, much older and wiser than I am are instantly aware of my presence, no matter where I am? Worse than my parents when I was in school. 'Oh, look. Guess who tried it again.' 'By himself?' 'Alone. Selfish.' Jeezus! They're talking about me like... I don't know... I'm some kid that is playing in their yard, is what went through my mind, or something like it. Like they're concerned, caring, but not too worried I'll hurt myself. Just a little kid, fooling around again. Well, I'm a professional, accustomed to a bit of dignity all day long. To be suddenly reduced to this embarassment by a couple of people I'm quite sure are not there is confounding. Especially since they seem to be so convincingly There!
All reality is changed to a tableau like a cartoon in a dream: unreality lies a step ahead, like a play on an elementary school stage. Only a shallow step divides my space from The Stage. But how do I know what a cartoon in a dream looks like? Was there ever such a thing? Then I am aware that I may need to move on, back in the real world. Still startled and chastened by the strength of the herb, I make my way towards the lake shore and the path. I become a senseless whirligig, legs cartwheeling through the paper-panorama autumn leaves. Endlessly, endlessly I clockwork my way through infinite distances of fake-looking pasted paper leaves, paper darkness, paper woods; and all the while making TOO MUCH NOISE. After what seems like eternity I cross the distance (about twenty feet) and make it to the water's edge. I stand on the bridge, frozen and trying to look casual. What a parody! It seems to me the unseen couple have casually gone back to their business, like adults at a cocktail party, leaving me to my play. And there, on the lake, geese honk. 'Thank God,' I think, 'Geese are too complicated for me to be imagining.' A light goes on behind me, and I reach out gingerly with my mind to suggest, 'Now is not the time to come down and see who's out by the lake.' After a tense minute, a shadow shows that the curious neighbor is a cat.
Gradually the cartoon/diorama changes back to reality and I walk home. This is not unusual. When I smoke salvia, I feel like a naive child in a big person's world. My little cosmology is like a cartoon version of the Real World. I don't use extracts or concentrated salvia, only the natural herb. Still, it's very profound. I think I will continue to smoke the herb every once in a while. I believe that whatever experience this is leading up to, I haven't even gotten past 'Hello' with the beings within the experience. I am, as it were, still in kindergarten, and I feel safe enough and curious enough to continue the experiment.
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