It Doesn't Matter... But I'm Happy
Citation: mg. "It Doesn't Matter... But I'm Happy: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp19043)". Erowid.org. Sep 7, 2005. erowid.org/exp/19043
I’m a college student in Ohio who has been using marijuana about once daily for a few months now. Before that I had been using marijuana on and off for around 5 years. Up until this year I had never experimented with other drugs, but since coming to college I have tried Ecstasy and eaten Valium. When I found out that my friend was getting mushroom hookups, I jumped at the chance to try out the substance that had always intrigued me. The following is what I experienced last night.
9:00 – 9:30PM I casually ate 1 gram of mushrooms over the course of a half an hour work meeting I had to attend. After the meeting (at around 9:45) I ate 3 more grams. I arrived at my friend’s dorm at about 10PM. As I walked into the room I felt slightly giddy and sat down on the couch. I began to play on his Sega Genesis but after only a few minutes I began to feel very strange, cold and awkward. I sat back and put on headphones I had in my backpack. I listened to around 20 minutes of Dark Side of the Moon and as two of my sober buddies played video games. When I saw my first closed eye visual I opened my eyes and noticed that the carpet had a pattern in it. Little did I know how much this would influence my night. I took off the headphones and looked around the room. A lamp shade was seemingly “breathing” in and out. My friend's face was distorted in such a way that it was difficult to even look at him. The room was suddenly very colorful and I began to see what I can only describe as psychedelic 3D closed eye visuals.
I don’t know how much time passed before the 3 grams of shrooms kicked in. When they did, I lost the ability to distinguish between reality and that which was a product of my mind. My friends were bugging me to come with them outside to smoke a bowl. As I walked down the stairs with my buddies I started flipping out, thinking that everyone passing me was wearing masks like in The Wall and white hospital gowns. Outside was even more intense as we walked toward our secret smoking location. I felt as though I was being watched by “big brother” every minute of the experience. Soon I began to have the feelings that would take over the rest of the night. I started thinking about my life as though I was watching it in retrospective… as if I had already lived my life 100 times over. I also got a sense of eternity that I can no longer explain. My ego was completely gone at this point. My buddies wanted to get some food after having smoked but I couldn’t make the trip… every car looked like a cop to me and I couldn’t handle interaction with strangers.
We went back to the room and I seemed to peak. At 1:12AM I experienced something I can only explain as a “loop”. I looked at the clock at least 10 times over the course of what seemed like hours. Every time I looked, it was still 1:12. Eventually the minute passed and I began to relax. I fell into a void where nothing mattered anymore and began babbling to my stoned friends about the pattern I had seen earlier in the night. It was still there and now I saw it in the wood grains in the room and on the walls. I believed that it was the only constant in my world which had flipped upside down. I accepted death as being just the same as life and I was still easily accepting eternity, though fearing the fact that my life now seemed meaningless. Goals lost all meaning. As I watched my friends play video games and watch TV, it seemed as though all anyone cared about was money and greed and winning at various competitions. I didn’t think I would every go back to anywhere close to the person I was before eating the mushrooms… I felt a new, though very disturbing consciousness.
I babbled “nothing matters, the pattern is all that matters” over and over again for what seemed like a short time to me but I was informed by my buddies that I had been talking about the pattern for 2:30-3 hours. At around 4:00AM I came back to reality and could carry on a conversation again.
At that point I smoked a one hitter in the room of kind bud and began the ¾ mile walk back to my room. The walk home was scary due to the fact that I was still having closed eye visuals and the marijuana seemed to bring back some of the feelings I had on the shrooms. I fell asleep at about 5AM rather easily, considering all I had seen.
My trip was amazing, intense and at times disturbing. The visuals I had were brilliant and I am extremely happy I had this experience. Although I would like to experience the mushrooms again, I am going to give my brain a few months rest and continue to ponder what I was shown.
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