Citation: Jenny*. "This Should Have Changed the Way I Think: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp18912)". Erowid.org. Aug 11, 2005. erowid.org/exp/18912
It seemed like all my friends at school lately had been starting to take Adderall, either to lose weight, or just for the satisfaction of the feelings we all got.
Today was my second day to ever take Adderall and I didnít even think about the effects it caused until now. Since I didnít really care about the after effects and was just in it for the essential high, I didnít even think twice about how many milligrams I should take. My first time trying it (yesterday) I only took 10 mg but I wanted to feel crazy happy so I knew the next day I was going to take tons more! Well, I did and today will be a day that I will never forget.
The day started off GREAT! I was energetic, happy, willing to learn, and pepped to take on whatever the day had to throw at me! I was more confident than ever and knew that nothing could stand in my way! I went to school and took at least ten pages of notes in every subject (I just had to stay busy) and before I knew it I was in last period which is softball. Well, the first thing we did was lift weights. I grabbed the bar (25ís on each side, oh yah!) and felt really flustered but started to begin squats anyway. After about 6 squats I began to realize that I was sweating way more than normal and was feeling a little nauseous. I didnít know what to do and I didnít want to tell my coach I was on Adderall so I just asked to sit down for a minute to catch my breath.
Well, I got back up and the sweating and panicking continued for about 20 more minutes. By that point I was freaking out and my friend was starting to notice that my face was turning red and my hands were slightly twitching. I was so happy when coach told us to go outside cause I assumed practice was over and that we were just gonna have a short session that day. So we go outside and these huge-ass jump ropes are out there and we all partner up. One of my girls and I were both starting to freak out cause neither of us knew if I was gonna be ok or not. Well, I went first and jumped for about a minute. By then my heart rate was up to 140 BEATS PER MINUTE! I wanted to sit down so bad but then I here coach talking and vividly look up to see him telling us to run around the gym.
I just started slightly jogging thinking that when I passed coach I could just walk and catch up my breath and slow down my heart beat. But I couldnít even do that. I couldnít even walk. I remember feeling like I needed to throw up as I tried to inhale more air. The next thing I thought to myself was that I was going to die and that I had overdosed. My heart was tightening and my stomach felt as if I had ulcers that were on fire. I remember staring at the concrete and blacking out. I was hyperventilating big time and didnít know what to do. The next thing I know everyoneís jogging up to me asking me if Iím ok. I didnít know if I was or not, and Iím still feeling the Adderall now. I cried up until 30 minutes ago just because I was so freaked out about what could have happened.
The sad thing is though, I like Adderall, ALOT. And even though this happened to me today, I donít know if Iím going to have enough will power to stop taking it. Itís not as if the drug is addictive in such a way that your body feels it needs it to function, itís more like a mental drug. Because when I take it I am mentally all there but my body is on a high and feels tingly all over. It helps me concentrate and is a complete boost towards my self-esteem. The only thing that is making me think twice about Adderall is the comedown that I had today. I feel like shit, whereas this morning I felt on top of the world. I guess I am just going to have to convince myself that the comedown isnít worth the essential high, because thereís gonna be that one time when Iím not going to have the chance to get that comedown again.
Iím not going to take Adderall tomorrow, and Iím just gonna see how it goes. I havenít been able to sleep in 52 hours, and tomorrow is going to be hell. Adderall is some serious shit, so before you take it read up cause I wish I woulda known the facts before I got myself into it. Cause from now on every time Iím depressed Iím going to remember how happy that Adderall made me and hopefully Iíll be able to say no, but thatís not something that I will be able to predict right at this moment.
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