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Being the Great 'I Am'
by Fox & Rabbit
Citation:   Fox & Rabbit. "Being the Great 'I Am': An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp18749)". Nov 9, 2002.

  oral Mushrooms (ground / crushed)
    smoked 5-MeO-DMT (freebase)


We had spent the evening on various different strains of mushrooms, powdered and mixed into honey. The 4 of us were feeling wonderful and close hugging each other and feeling like family. We went into B's bedroom to hang out for a bit when B brought up something I had found myself dreaming about for almost a year since I heard a poem about it at burning man last year. At that time I didn't really know the difference between 5-MeO-DMT and DMT but it didn't really matter. I was SCARED! My heart was pounding and it was only made worse to see how rather than being weighed out the powder was being 'eyed' out (I realize how dangerous it is to 'eye' out any dosage and I don't advise this method to anyone!! ) I thought I was going to have a heart attack just watching the others take their 7 minutes of other worldliness.. but.. I wanted it so badly. I needed to know. And then reality unraveled and existence rewound and ... and I inhaled that harsh chemically tasting, heart pounding inhalation. B was holding my hand and took the pipe. ..the vibration..

OH MY GOOOODNESS. I remember saying.. ooohh my I don't remember exhaling. Just bursting out of my body. It was as if every cell in my being opened up and released all the energy within to go for a walk in the cosmos. I found a place where reality meets nonexistence and god holds your hand. Your five senses are gone.. Not even a small amount of self-realization, rather a unified realization of pure love. Of course. I want to describe something I saw. But I couldn't see. Because I didn't have eyes. Because I didn't have a body. I was everything everywhere. I was every bit of energy that has ever existed in any form from the beginning of time to the end. In one place. And I was as small as a quark and as big as all of space. I remember knowing. Knowing something that doesn't mean anything here. And I remember floating somewhere looking in at it all. And I mean everything. Like the universe beneath me but bigger. Stars.. or a TV screen all gone to frying bacon land. This was when I decided to come back. Then the room came back. I couldn't see it yet.. Or I could but I couldn't perceive it as seeing. I felt the most intense sensation. 'The cosmic orgasm' like 10,000 (no kidding) orgasms of the soul, all at once. The vibration. I could recognize it again. I could feel again although not through my skin. I was still floating just around my body. But I felt B holding me and rocking and he was humming to me. Z and B2 had come into the room at some point and glowing .. With knowing. I had entered a threshold of understanding. And then it was all-ok.

No fear in this drug, there's no time to fear. While I was gone supposedly I said the word 'love'. It was about time. My throat felt a bit scratchy and for an hour I ran around outside flapping my arms in absolute happiness and fulfillment. Got a wave of nausea and puked though. Well worth it.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 18749
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Nov 9, 2002Views: 16,937
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5-MeO-DMT (58), Mushrooms (39) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), General (1)

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