Citation: Feel old. "God, Show Me Magic: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & LSD (exp18225)". Erowid.org. Aug 23, 2007. erowid.org/exp/18225
The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
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It was my 18th birthday and I was extremely intent on making it one to remember! Thinking back it was silly idea. We went clubbing, where I took six tablets of ecstasy. Everything was going well until 4am when we left the club to go home. Whilst waiting for the taxi to arrive me, C and H took two hits of acid each. We had planned to do this and then go for a walk in the park/forest. At around 4:30am we rolled out of the taxi and started walking randomly around the dales. Sitting on a rock whilst my friends attempted to skin up out of the wind, I could see thousands of birds of varying sizes swarming all over the skyline in the distance. I thought it was quite funny, as it looked like the bit from the film “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. These creatures got closer and closer until it seemed that I could reach out and touch them as they flew past!
Feeling a little unnerved at the apparent realness of the animals and the speed that they had appeared I managed to convince the other two that we should move somewhere else. Our new spot was sheltered and cosy but almost pitch black, which definitely played havoc on my mind! I was convinced there were people all around us, not moving just watching us, like something out of a Steven King novel! Although my friends had not taken as many pills they were starting to get very nervy and jumpy as well. We decided to make a run for the beach, surely that would calm us down.
First problem, we had to get there! The walk to the road proved to be almost impossible. This particular forest we were in was quite remote and we rarely venture up there. To cut a long story short we got lost straight away. C was freaking out. I was keeping my terror to myself, which probably made things a lot worse for me, and H didn’t seem too phased. Whilst walking down a path it appeared that there was nothing either side of us, just scrub and small bushes as far as the eye could see, which admittedly was not far as it was still pitch black. Then I noticed, whilst turning round to mumble something to my fellow trippers, that the path we were following looked exactly the same in both directions. We weren’t getting anywhere and hadn’t been for some time!
After what seemed like too long we arrived at a junction in the path. Now it looked exactly the same in all directions, a mirror image in every path! We had arrived at the centre. The centre of what I wasn’t too sure. Then a horrifying realisation began to creep over me. I had arrived at the place known as “West”. To you that probably means nothing, but if something is really odd or strange, especially whilst on drugs of some sort, then it known as west. And here I was standing in the place known as West. It was quite frankly west!!!!!
This was too much for me to handle. I now believed that I was going through the stages of paranoia. First was ‘west’, then came ‘fear’ then came ‘terror’ which was surely to be followed by death or coma or some other horrible thing. Eventually we found our way to the road, which wasn’t much comfort. The long road that leads down to the beach is almost always deserted, especially at 5/6am, but low and behold there was a car right at the bottom driving very slowly towards us! That was enough; all three of us dived into a bush and cowered. Eventually the car rolled past, the road being about ½ mile long! Back onto the road we came.
From here onwards is where I really started to freak out! The road appeared to be covered in ball bearings and because of the slight hill in the road, the ball bearings were rolling down but leaving a pattern of balls that appeared to be stuck to the tarmac. I grabbed onto C for support who thought I was going mad jabbering about ball bearings and slipping over! Very soon we reached the beach. Its not a beach, its an estuary but we call it the beach. Once again the sensation that we weren’t getting anywhere took over. No matter how fast I walked the scenery did not change! Water on my right and a bank on my left.
C and H decided to stop for a reefer, not something I wanted but I couldn’t persuade them to keep going. Whilst sitting on the bank looking out over the water a number of odd things happened. Taking a quick toke on the reefer little flies seemed to come off the end as it burnt down. Then, looking at myself I realised I was covered in millions of these little flies. And I couldn’t get them off me. Then, it being around 6/7am a jogger ran past us closely followed by a dog walker. C and H found this hilarious but for me it was too hard to mix the acid fuelled background and the reality of these two innocent bystanders. They looked real in every sense except that they looked like they had been super imposed onto my vision by some higher being who was controlling what I saw.
I was convinced this higher being was ‘Acid’, not the acid I had taken but all acid all over the world, some God like demon who was there to torment me. I began to believe that C and H were not actually my friends but were all part of this so called Acids plan to teach me a lesson about taking drugs. Brought on by the fact they weren’t that fucked any more. I couldn’t take this, I was close to tears it was so scary. I had convinced myself that H could read my mind. In my head I asked him if he could read my mind. He looked at me and said yes, then started to chuckle. I thought that there was something I had to say or do that would make all this stop so I kept asking them what it was they wanted me to say. They thought I’d gone mad. Then, in a fit of insanity I grabbed the remaining pills we had and flung them into the sea. Spouting stuff about drugs being evil and that I was going to quit everything, even smoking! After half an hour or so of not saying anything I came to the conclusion that what I had to do was tell my mum exactly what had happened and what I’d taken and all this would stop. My friends laughed and told me to stop being stupid but how could I believe anything they said!
Eventually we started to walk again, we were very close to my house by this point and I started to recognise the buildings along the waters edge. Although not from living in the area, but from some early childhood memory of the visions a man sees before he dies! I can’t explain it fully but I was now sure I was just going through the motions before I died. But not died, just never existed, I was being wiped from the history books in some way. Although I knew my parents would be there at the end to look at me sorrowfully and watch me disappear.
By now the buses had started running and we walked towards the bus to go into the town centre, as going home now would have been a very bad mistake. As we drew closer it seemed to get darker and by the time I reached the door of the bus it was almost pitch black again. The only thing I could see were the driver’s eyes. He never spoke a word, just took my money and watched me slowly walk to the back of the bus. We were the only three people on the bus. C and H sat next to each other behind me and I knew they were discussing how I had performed on this little test that Acid had set me up for. In the centre of town, things started to calm down a little except one instance of seeing the ‘things you see before dying’ series of images again. This was further made worse by meeting someone from school in town and him saying to me “have a nice life %$£&*” Apparently because I refused to say a word to him. And another incident of going into a shop to buy fags, being unable to speak to the woman behind the counter and after a few minutes of horrible confusion just walking out again.
Luckily when I did get back home I didn’t tell my mum, although there was an incredibly scary moment when my mum said as soon as I walked through the door, “Have you got something to tell me?” Shit I thought, she knows, she’s part of it! All she wanted to know was where had I spent the night. All I could manage to say was “The beach”. The fact that she was rippling and the walls were shifting didn’t help.
A long sleep, or should I say a long time spent in bed followed by a long sleep calmed me down. Although for about a month after that event I was literally scared of going outside and had to think twice before taking anything anyone said as real.
Conclusion: I'd never had a bad trip before this so was in, what I thought to be, a perfect state of mind. I had no worries and no anxiety before the events. I think I took too much over too long a period of time. But who can say what with drugs.
You would have thought I had learnt from this experience but sadly no, I did it again, but involving no acid (because I never took it again after my birthday!) but lots of ecstasy and a gram of cocaine. This happened 4 months later on new years eve. Since that episode I’ve taken tablets etc a couple of times, acid never, and stopped smoking hash! Lifes a lot less interesting, but at least I know I’m living in the real world now.
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