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Maybe I'm an Addict
Cocaine
by Jenn
Citation:   Jenn. "Maybe I'm an Addict: An Experience with Cocaine (exp1809)". Erowid.org. Jun 14, 2000. erowid.org/exp/1809

 
DOSE:
  insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)


I'm writing this to help someone like me wake up. I started experimenting with drugs about 5 years ago. First pot, then acid, then...well I can't exactly remember what came next but I can tell you I've tried almost everything but crack including heroin. After doing most drugs a few times I was able to give them up but cocaine and weed were always in my heart.

Fortunately weed isn't too expensive, is easily available and pretty widely accepted as little worse than drinking alcohol. So I was a pothead no problem? But a coke head, that is were I ran in to some problems.

I love coke, need coke , want coke even after I'm depressed, broke and at one point totally degraded. I'm telling this story to you the cocaine user to help you I hope, I've never told this anyone and I still try to black it out of mind, yet I still use coke.

Anyway here goes, it was about a year ago, I went out to a local club with some people from work, we started drinking i think I smoked a joint and point being I was trashed. I met some guys, we talked, they mentioned coke and I was off leaving the people I came with behind.. We went to an apartment did some lines and I still don't know how I let this happen but all four of them had sex with me that night in front of each other, and I didn't care as long as they kept cutting out those lines...

I hate myself for this really hate myself so I guess maybe that is why I still use drugs to block it out, who knows.. What I do know is on the outside I'm a normal 22 year old women, I have a decent job, I attend college at night and I have my own apartment and car. I appear to be doing alright, I even used to think I could just stop using coke when I wanted to, but I can't i still get sweaty palms and want to jump up and down at the thought of doing some. I don't use everyday but at least every other day, it is starting to really fuck up my life and I don't know what will happen to me.

Please don't take this like I'm trying to be an after school special or something I just wanted to tell my story and tell you how much cocaine can mess with you even when you think your not an addict.

Exp Year: 1999ExpID: 1809
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 14, 2000Views: 165,357
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Cocaine (13) : Difficult Experiences (5), Addiction & Habituation (10), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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