Stimulants are Bad for Me
Caffeine
Citation:   Reverend. "Stimulants are Bad for Me: An Experience with Caffeine (exp1786)". Erowid.org. Jun 14, 2000. erowid.org/exp/1786

 
DOSE:
1 cup oral Caffeine (liquid)
BODY WEIGHT: 220 lb
I had vowed never to drink coffee. Not only did I not like the taste, but I refused to become an addict - which I was certain is what would happen. I had colleagues who said they weren't themselves until that first cuppa, and I didn't want that to be me. But schoolwork and fatigue don't always go well together and I went across the street to buy my first cup of what would become my favorite drink: the Mochaccino.

My first experience with caffeine gave me a not quite unexpected response, that was major hyperactivity. I couldn't stand still, couldn't shut up; perfect for a painting class.

I figured I had found the perfect drug. But each cup that I ingested had more and stronger bad side effects. Eventually I started having short periods of disorientation and nausea with each cup - but they only lasted 5 minutes tops so I didn't worry about it.

Sometimes my trips would be filled with images of wisdom. I felt like I was on the verge of some great, encompasing truth. But it was like this truth was a statue and I was blindfolded, so I had to touch it. My friends were greatly amused by my descriptions of caffeine as a psychedelic.

I finally stumbled onto this great wisdom. It hit me one day after class. How essentially life is meaningless, that all of our perceptions of how people should be are based on mutual consent going back centuries. None of it was real. This was frightening. It was as if society was coming unglued around me. Everything everyone believed was just a great big lie and there wasn't any meaning to any of it. The weight of this new wisdom was crushing me, I started pining for my lost ignorance until it struck me that just because I know this now, it doesn't mean that it wasn't always there. And if it didn't bother me then, why should it bother me now?

My caffeine trips became happier after that. Still with little periods of disorientation, but nothing I couldn't handle. I had great fun. Cafe Mochas and Espresso Brownies at Starbucks, yum!

But the periods of disorientation started getting longer and more intense. One night I had to leave the bookstore I was in (Chapters) because my trip was getting too intense. I sat in the parking lot until I chilled out. I thought that might be the worst of it until the next Monday morning when I had my last Mochaccino.

I drank the cup at about 8:30 in the morning, and at about 9:15 I had to leave class. I was constantly going in between the bathroom and the classrom. I went to the bathroom to chill myself out, and when I thought I was cool, I'd go back, then it would start again and I would leave again. My teacher told me to leave, that I was obviously not well. How could he not tell, I was slouching in my seat, occasionally moaning and rubbing my face.

Suffice it so say, the high died down a lot after that. Very tolerable, but I could *still* feel the effects from that ONE CUP of mochaccino 12 HOURS later.

Stimulants are bad for me. No more caffeine for me.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 1786
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 14, 2000Views: 21,711
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Caffeine (11) : Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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